


This time it’s for real

by Yuuko_Ichihara



Series: A new chance [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Build up here means romantic feelings develop, F/F, In this house we respect Dina so things here move slowly, Slow Burn, Spoilers, There's some feelings between Ellie and Abby at one point, after game story, build up for more between abby and ellie, spoilers for the second game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 76,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25612450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuko_Ichihara/pseuds/Yuuko_Ichihara
Summary: Six years after Ellie is back in Jackson, she has managed to get some semblance of normality back in her life and then someone from her past comes back to give her a chance for something she believed was forever lost.
Relationships: Abby & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Series: A new chance [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856515
Comments: 74
Kudos: 241





	1. Ellie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Last of Us or it's characters. It belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony.
> 
> Warning: in case it wasn't noticed I want to draw attention to the tag that indicates this story is in part a build-up for more between Abby and Ellie, and more here means romantic feelings. Just had to clarify that to avoid confusion. It isn't the main theme but just in case. Also endgame in part 2 of this is Abby/Ellie/Dina

Ellie returned being both less and much more than when she had left. She was missing two fingers and had a bite mark in her left hand. Curiously that infected bite mark was almost completely cured by the time she reached Jackson so she did not even try to hide it. Unlike the first bite mark that she was forced to hide, this one seemed fine. She was glad she did not need to cover this one with acid or something. She might be missing fingers and of course she missed Dina and JJ but she had left behind the biggest burden of her life, the intense desire to kill Abby had evaporated and she had decided to forgive herself for the way she had been with Joel. She could now let those things go. For a while she had known that Joel would have preferred her not to become a cold-blooded murderer, he would have wanted her to have a good life and she was intent on trying to do that. The bad side of all that was that now she had to face her biggest fear: being alone.

  
It hadn't been easy going back to Jackson. She knew her way for sure but it took several months of work for Ellie to regain Maria's trust. Ellie had to make some sacrifices, swallow her pride and accept what Maria proposed. Initially one of the proposals didn't seem too much, it actually seemed like a nice idea. Maria, as the leader, seemed to know everyone, and so she was kind enough to introduce her to Raquel, another woman who missed two fingers and who taught Ellie again how to play guitar with this new condition. It was hard but she was thankful to be able to learn again how to play a guitar. It meant so much to her. But later she found out these sessions were more than guitar lessons and that Raquel was a psychiatrist and was actually intent on treating her. They discussed it and Ellie was shocked at the beginning and rejected the plan but later decided to give it a try regardless because she had to do this for Dina and Potato.

Dina…

The treatment was far from the hardest part.  
The hardest was Dina. She missed her so much and she missed Potato but she couldn't force anything with Dina and for years she thought she wouldn't get her back. It took Ellie 3 years to recover Dina's trust and another extra year for them to make amends and start a relationship again. Dina had some particular requirements too, one of them being that there had to be complete honesty from now on, no escaping in the night or some shit. It took time, effort, and a lot of patience on both of them to get back together but they loved each other and believed they deserved another chance. Curiously, the same thing that caused Dina to consider forgiving her was what made Ellie have a harder time making amends with Tommy: the fact that she hadn't killed Abby.

Abby was taking care of a young boy, Ellie believed that she did the right thing. Regardless of what she thought of Abby, that boy had a better chance of surviving if Abby was by his side. Killing her would not have made the pain stop or bring Joel back. She would have just been more broken. And Ellie was tired of all of that fight, she had managed to move on and was happy to be back with Dina and JJ.  
JJ was growing healthy and was the sweetest kid, as clever as Dina, as kind as Jesse and as in love with comics as Ellie.  
Apart from having to clean the area of infected from time to time, life seemed peaceful.

That was until that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a lot of ideas after finishing the game but mostly I am writing this for me, maybe someone out there will enjoy it too hopefully. I don’t know about you but I went through a couple of playthroughs of the last of us II and then watched several videos and I think Ellie was bitten in her left hand and was unlucky enough that it was the same hand where Abby bit her 2 fingers off. And then you see her back at her farm and there is no bite mark so I am assuming she cures pretty fast now for some reason. I assume here Maria doesn’t think highly of Ellie because she abandoned Dina with a child so maybe she was upset for a while. I apologize about the mistakes I will make because I am writing this alone and English is not my mother tongue. Also, I have seen plenty of fics dealing with how they reconcile, and no idea came to me about how to go about this so I am not going into details here.


	2. Dina

Jesse’s parents had helped Dina move back to Jackson when Ellie decided to go after Abby. She was so sad and angry that Ellie had preferred to go after her fucking revenge instead of staying with her and JJ. Initially she thought about burning her paintings but then decided to actually take the one Ellie made of her and the one of JJ and leave the rest behind. If Ellie ever came back she could stay in the farm alone. Maybe do some reflection.

  
It was difficult for her to do this because she really wanted to live on that farm but doing so alone and with JJ was just not possible. She was beginning to adapt to the life in Jackson when Ellie returned. She looked terrible but at the same time slightly better, it seemed she had even gained some weight and there seemed to be less anger in her eyes. Dina decided she would not fall for it and let Ellie grow on her own, she had her own things to deal with and believed that the life she had wanted with Ellie was past her now. Despite this, Dina couldn't help but feel very sad that Ellie had lost two fingers. At the same time a part of her was eating her inside. She still loved Ellie. She went on dates but her heart was not on it. She mostly did it to try and see if she could still feel something. Ellie did not seem to hold any pretenses and never made a scene when she saw Dina with someone else. She was also giving Dina her space.  
After months of arriving Ellie went on patrol but returned alone, she had informed the others that Andrew, the guy she went with had been taken by a horde that was passing by and that she barely made it. It caused some confusion and mistrust but lucky for her others had seen the horde too. Dina was picking up some supplies when she heard Ellie give the report to Maria and heard her cry about how this wouldn't happen if she had just been used to make the stupid vaccine. Dina wished to go to her but left instead. Stupid Ellie and her guilt.

  
Days later there was some commotion and she heard that Ellie had had a big fight with Tommy. She couldn’t resist the curiosity and went to talk with Maria, she said to Dina that it was because Tommy just couldn’t let go and was an asshole to Ellie. She was confused then Maria told her that the thing was that Ellie had let Abby live. Dina was shocked and wanted to go and hit her at the beginning but then she asked Maria if she knew why and Maria told her it was best if Dina asked Ellie herself. Dina struggled but then went to do so, she just couldn’t deal anymore with the curiosity. So she went there, to Ellie’s old house and asked her after barely saying hi. Ellie looked surprised to see her there but slightly happy. Commented on her looking good but Dina just wanted to know why Ellie had not finished what she had abandoned her family to do, why hadn't she killed Abby since Ellie had been so intent in avenging Joel's death. Ellie looked down and told her that she was done with all that and that she was sorry, very sorry for having left her and JJ, that she regretted it took her so long to realize that going after Abby was never going to make her feel better. It just made things worse, so much worse, so she let her go. Plus it would have been just wrong since Abby was the only hope for that boy who was with her and Ellie told Dina about the rattlers, the men who kidnapped people and made them work forcibly, and the things she saw there.

\- Well, at least you fucked those guys up - said Dina

\- Yeah - said Ellie smiling slightly

\- At least you freed her and that boy and let them go

\- Yeah, at least I did that, didn’t I?

\- Well… see you around then

Dina left but felt wrong for doing that. Ellie remained calm and did not demand more of her time after that, always allowing her space and respecting Dina when she wanted to be left alone but Dina started approaching and Ellie seemed happy about it. Still, she couldn’t just trust Ellie, she needed time and proof that there was any point at all in trying it again. Slowly, very slowly, they started talking again and sharing more time together. Ellie was relearning how to use the guitar and she even sang to her a couple of times, one day she even dared to sing to her an original song of hers. Slowly Dina realized that they might have a chance again and said so to her exactly on the 4th year anniversary of Ellie’s return. Ellie cried when she heard that and said that she would like that. Dina was surprised about how unashamed she had become with her emotions and admitted to herself she was liking this. She also liked that Ellie was now quicker to ask for forgiveness, she seemed somehow calmer than before, less interested in maintaining that hard shell she used to have. It might be suicide but with how things were in life, with how easy one could die out there, why not try to use whatever time they had on being happy?

Dina wanted to go back to the farm one day but decided against it for the time being, things were new with Ellie and she felt she preferred to go slow. With time they overcame the awkwardness and went back to living together, still in Jackson though. Dina hoped that one day she would feel confident they could move together back to the farm. She even discussed it with Ellie and she was fine with taking things slow.  
They made some plans to put tripwires and ditches surrounding it to make it safer, among other things. First they were trying these things in Jackson and maybe later they could move back to the farm one day. But not yet, just not yet.


	3. Abby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit long and there are OCs but then that was to be expected I guess

After months they finally arrived. Abby never thought she would visit Mexico, whatever was left of it anyway. She couldn't help but think of Manny and his stories about it. If only he was here to see them now. He would have probably made a joke about how she was “letting herself go”. The horrifying memories of the time Lev and her had been captured and enslaved by the rattlers passed by her mind and made her tremble, it had been years but Abby still had nightmares about it. Luckily they were becoming less frequent. In reality she was almost back to her former shape, there were no gym or training facilities at the Fireflies complexes but she had managed to recover some muscle after having lost so much while being imprisoned years ago. She still couldn’t believe who freed her, Lev had been right in asking her to let those girls live, despite having to fight the redhead and almost dying in her hands, that girl let her live for some reason.

Abby had hoped after killing Joel that she would find peace but she didn’t. Her friends were distraught after she did it. Owen was even annoyed at her about having been so fixated about it and how wrong she was in the way she went about it, especially because she let that girl watch. She knew the moment she saw that girl crying on the floor looking at the dead Joel that something was not right. Still, at that moment she thought that since that girl was not his daughter how could she know what losing a father felt like? But she had Lev for years now, and even if Lev was not a young kid anymore he meant so much to Abby. At the beginning she wouldn’t admit it but after years it became obvious to her that she had indeed taken something precious from that redhead and she retaliated, in the same way Abby herself had. Not entirely though, because Abby was still alive.  
\- What are you thinking about?  
\- What?  
\- You seemed lost in thoughts  
\- It’s nothing  
\- I do not think that is true but maybe you need time to think

Abby laughed, Lev knew her too well.  
\- I guess I am thinking a bit about the past, a friend of mine was from this country, he always said we should visit, that is so beautiful… well, when this was a country, I guess everything is just land now, a piece belongs to the infected, a piece here and there to a group of humans and so on  
\- Yes, I think you are right. And your friend was right, it is beautiful. Do you miss this friend? Was this Owen?  
\- No, it was another, I don’t only think about Owen  
Lev looked at her and raised an eyebrow.  
\- I do not… I had other boyfriends already, you know this  
\- Yeah but you are not really consistent with those guys. I don’t think there is anything bad about it, just that you are still quite attached to that guy’s memory  
\- You might be right but not now. Now I am thinking of Manny - said Abby, wanting to change the topic - he was a fun guy, made a lot of jokes. Always said Mexico was amazing and also mentioned how maybe 200 years ago part of where we lived was also Mexico or something like that. Said we should come and see at some point  
\- From which place was he from?  
\- I… can’t remember right, I think he said it was Tampico, so exactly this place, I guess. Must have looked different before the infected...  
\- Well, now we are here and can know this place and honor his memory

Lev removed a piece of wood with the shape of his prophet and prayed for a while. Abby waited respectfully. She admired Lev’s persistence in his religious beliefs despite all that had happened. He had even managed to sort of convert some Fireflies, although to a more soft version of the religion than what she had seen in the Seraphites and he forced no one to cut themselves or to have particular hairdos.  
Abby often wondered if she could really be a good example for Lev but then she thought that maybe he did not need a good example, he was already a great guy, he just needed someone who cared.

They headed to a big building with a sign that indicated “Hospital Santa Josefina”. It was heavily guarded for miles. Luckily for them they had an agreement with the Red Cascabel, the people in charge of this place to exchange info and ammo. It was the first attempt the Fireflies were making with another big group, they seemed to have similar interests. Abby wondered how come this place remained since the disease had started in South America and also spread here before reaching the US.  
When they arrived they were directed to Dr. Sonia Odhiambo who was having a meeting with her team. Dr. Odhiambo was happy to see them and introduced them to her team: Dr. Lucia Lucero, Dr. Ayulía Gonzalez, Dr. Mario Martinez and Dr. Len Ramirez. Abby had to admit that from the group, Dr. Mario was the hottest but he also looked like he would trick you given the slightest chance. But Abby wasn't there looking for a boyfriend, she was looking to make an alliance. Abby was surprised some of these people looked her age, they explained to her they had managed to complete their training with some doctors and researchers that had managed to hide and kept safe in the area they now were in. They explained how the area had even been expanded recently but then they talked business. They talked about the exchange, and her team discussed how important it is to work together in difficult times, even if strange alliances had to be made. Lev and Abby looked at each other, not understanding if they were referring to them.  
\- They mean the thugs, working with the police and militia - said Lucia  
\- Lucia! - exclaimed Mario  
\- What, they will know by now or will know soon, believe it or not, even before these thugs did things like building schools and such, it is not so weird they are protecting us now and have an alliance with people of law, it is the smart thing to do, we are their only hope, for all of them  
\- Excuse us - said Sonia and moved with the other doctors to another room

-Que estas haciendo? - said Sonia  
\- Sonia, tienen que saberlo, además, qué importa, muchos de esos Fireflies son como terroristas también, que tiene de raro que aqui para sobrevivir también estemos trabajando con narcos y la policía? Estamos todos en la misma, no hay tiempo de pretender - replied Lucia  
\- Pero Lucía, no los conocemos bien, queremos que nos confíen, está ese rumor que los Fireflies tenían a alguien inmune, necesitamos confirmarlo - said another female voice, maybe it was Dr. Ayulía Gonzalez  
\- Y no lo vamos a saber dando montones de vueltas, hay que preguntar y ya, no hay tiempo que perder - replied Lucia  
\- Las cosas no son tan directas, Lucía - said a voice that could be Len  
\- Por qué? Necesitamos saber si el paciente sigue con vida, si ese otro rumor que lo mataron es cierto - replied Lucia  
\- Por que no conocemos a esta gente, si la cagaron probablemente no nos lo van a decir asi nomas - said Len  
\- Por favor Lucía, puede ser una oportunidad importante, hemos tenido buenos resultados pero esto puede ser otra vía que estudiar, quién sabe, por ahí más efectiva incluso - said Mario  
\- Está bien, me quedo callada por un rato pero más vale que pregunten, no podemos estar días con esta gente y no preguntarles, si el paciente está con vida necesitamos saberlo ya - said Lucia

Abby knew some Spanish, but they talked pretty fast and she definitely did not know enough to understand all, she could hear that they mentioned the Fireflies though.

\- I am sorry - said Sonia when they were back  
\- It is fine - replied Lev - what is it that you wish to ask of us?  
Sonia looked shocked - Did you understand?  
\- No, but I believe that there is some urgent thing you wish to ask - and Lev looked at Lucia, who was not speaking but staring at them very intensely and moving her hands and fingers  
\- Ok - Sonia sighed - yes, I guess in the end is best to talk about this already… We wanted to know if you have ever encountered a case of an immune person  
Abby said nothing but she held her breath. Lucia immediately noticed this but continued to say nothing and instead stared at her even more intensely and moved her hands.  
\- We heard some rumors - said Mario - and there was apparently a case, from Honduras, but the people who went to look for this guy never returned, we think they are probably dead, there are still people looking for them but all leads are dry now  
\- So we have no one. We are, just like your group, looking for a cure although we use other methods and are not only relying on the idea of an immune patient - said Ayulía  
\- What do you mean? - said Lev  
\- Well, there are other ways, at the beginning of the pandemic, before the connections were cut we know people in Colombia were working with genetically engineering a virus that attacks this fungi, and people in Peru were working with a Pan-fungal vaccine. A friend of ours, Dr. Ayala and his team in Ciudad de Mexico were also working on the virus but have not reported in months and are presumed dead. You can also have a heat-killed Cordyceps as a vaccine and we have made some tests on this that show promising results in mice - continued Ayulía  
\- We have also made progress with a Pan-fungal vaccine, that attacks common fungal epitopes, but our tests in recently infected people have not been very positive yet - said Len, and then quickly added - we have only tested on people who became infected by accident, we did not made them infected  
\- What are epitopes?  
\- Oh, is just, components of fungal cell wall - replied Ayulía  
\- But if we could find an immune person then we could try studying the person’s secretions, antibodies, it would be a great source of studies - said Lucia, unable to remain quiet any longer  
\- Yes, I imagine you could - said Abby finally, looking at the floor - but what would happen to that person?  
\- What do you mean? - asked Sonia  
\- Well, what if producing the vaccine would mean killing this person? - asked Abby  
\- No, that is wrong, why on earth would we be so stupid? - replied Lucia, immediately  
\- What? - Abby looked at her, incensed

She immediately despised everything about this woman. To her surprise, Lucia was not even smiling or smug about this, she was just very eager.

  
\- An immune person is a source of information, we need this person alive to study what made them immune, the last thing we would want to do is kill our only immune patient. There are more and more sightings of infected and of new evolved versions of them, based on what we know we predict we will be seeing more variations of the infected, here in this chart you can see our calculations and how we reached to these conclusions - said Lucia grabbing some papers  
\- Lucia I don’t think it’s necessary to overwhelm them with data - interrupted Sonia  
\- Oh, right, true - said Lucia - anyway, I guess that was not the point, the point is, you don’t need to worry, we won’t kill your friend, just go and convince them already to come here  
\- I am sorry about how Lucia is mentioning this, it might sound like too much but what she is saying is basically true. We heard that the Fireflies might have come in contact with a person who was immune and they were working on a vaccine and we wanted to team up with you to help develop it, we know tests take years and the whole process may even take up to five years but if we work together-  
\- Years? You are serious? Tests for that take that long? There are really all these potential ways to make a vaccine and really you do not need to kill the host? - Abby felt as if someone had thrown a buckle of cold water on top of her  
\- Of course! It is as Dr. Lucero said, we will not hurt your friend, we want to help, collaboration will make the vaccine a reality faster, probably but yes it takes a lot of time - said Sonia, smiling  
\- I think I need to go lay down - said Abby and went to her room

Without waiting for a reply she went to the room they had assigned to her. She closed the door and kicked every chair, table and even the bed. Anger, frustration, disillusionment, sadness, all seemed to be happening at the same time. She sat on the floor and cried.  
When the door opened she was about to stand and throw her shoe at the person but then she remembered she was sharing this space with Lev. Lev went and sat next to her and put an arm at her shoulder. He let her cry some more and then asked her.

  
\- What upset you?  
\- It’s just… I told you that my dad was working on a vaccine. And that bitch, that Lucia… she just… she basically said my dad was about to do something stupid, right there in my face, that asshole  
\- So it is that? That she disrespected your dad’s memory?  
\- It’s not just that is the possibility.. If what they say is true then, nothing needed to go the way it did… if dad had worked on other ways, tried other ways to make a vaccine, then that girl would not have been in danger, that man would not have killed my dad… if only… and why was he so intent on killing her?  
\- From what you told me I gathered that this man, Joel, was very violent, and at the same time became very attached to the girl who then wanted you dead. Is that girl the immune person?  
\- Yes  
\- Maybe your dad had tried other methods and they didn’t work  
\- Did you hear these people? My dad only made some tests in a day, they said the tests from saliva and other things take months, no, years, my dad only tested a day, a day! I was there. In here they have all these doctors we met and more roaming around, all these people have been working on several projects for who knows how long and my dad tested that girl one fucking day! And he did not even ask her about her opinion.  
Abby shook her head and looked down. Then she continued  
\- Joel did not kill all the doctors that were there with my dad, only him because he tried to threaten him with a knife. I met one of these doctors a month before we came here. We were talking about many things and she insinuated something similar, she said that my dad was very stubborn and insisted that his way was the only one, the more effective way. She asked also if I knew of this girl, that if I know they can try other methods. I was so angry, I did not want to believe her, I pushed her and asked to never say anything like that to me again. I thought she was just being an ass but maybe she wasn’t, maybe she was just being honest  
They remained silent for a while. Lev swallowed and said  
\- I loved my mom, to my eyes she was kind, devout and the perfect example of a good mom. But she... she was not perfect. I regret how it ended with her, and I regret going to her because it meant my sister died. But I did not cause my sister’s death as directly as my mother’s. Even if I wish things were different I can not dwell in the pass, I can only change my present. In time I learned to see my mistakes and my mother’s and forgive her and myself. My mom was not perfect but I still loved her. I think maybe the same is true for your dad, you can still care for his memory

Someone knocked at the door, and Abby screamed at them to go away but the person kept knocking and Abby and Lev ignored it. After insisting more and getting no response the person just opened the door. To her complete annoyance it was the last person she wanted to see because of course Lucia was not going to leave Abby in peace.  
\- Leave  
Lucia looked at them and seemed to be uncomfortable but did not leave, instead she looked at the floor, moved her fingers in a strange way and then looked at them again.  
\- Get the fuck out! - insisted Abby  
\- I’m sorry but I need to insist, I just need to know, just yes or no. Is the person alive?  
\- Why are you so sure we know what the fuck you are talking about?  
\- The way you reacted - she moved her fingers again - it is possible you know about this patient  
Abby snorted  
\- You are a pretty annoying person, did you know?  
\- I am aware - she replied, and for a second it seemed she was going to tear up but she composed herself - but this is not the point, we are all in a desperate situation, if you know something you have to tell us. We are not giving up on trying other ways to treat this disease, but an immune person would give us so much information  
\- And if you have this person what? Are you keeping this person locked here for all the years you need to make a vaccine?  
Lucia shook her head and she approached them, closed the door and knelt next to them, then whispered

\- No, that is not ethical. If you bring this patient, and then they get locked up, because I am aware this can happen, then I will personally help you free them once we get all the samples and tests we need. It might be three months, six, a year even. But then you can take her back.  
\- I have no way of knowing I can trust you  
\- No, but you know as well as I do that if the infected population continue growing and evolving - she opened a folder and started showing them charts and graphics - see here is our calculations of how long it would take for another evolved infected to appear and this is how-  
\- I get it - replied Abby, she did not need to see all the details to know they were all fucked  
\- How can I be sure your colleagues and your guards won't stop us, if I were to do what you ask of us? - asked Lev  
\- You see, people here know that I am needed and value my input but they also think I'm naive, they probably don’t think I know they would imprison a patient. They are good doctors but are desperate and they won’t suspect me. This can happen, however unethical, I know we are dealing with dangerous people here too, but there is no other way to remain alive for now, we do what we must do  
Abby was tired, she just wished this woman would stop talking and she also wished she was not about to convince her. If she could just go away...

\- What is your fucking problem and why could you not stay the fuck away when I told you so?  
Lucia gestured again with her hands and teared up.  
\- I am sorry my insistence is annoying you. I do not seem to be able to let go once I get into an idea and this is too great a potential source of research answers. That is a problem I have, among others, that is all I know, and this with my hands… it calms me, I know it bothers some people but mostly they let me be so I will keep on doing it.  
Abby and Lev stared at her.  
\- I don’t think your differences make you a bad person - said Lev  
Lucia blinked but then said - I know, this is still not the point, will you tell me: is the person alive or not?  
\- She is - said Abby  
\- Can you bring her here?

Abby looked at Lev, who was expecting her to decide what to do, Lucia’s eyes were almost shimmering and somehow this moved Abby. Could she convince that girl to come all the way here? Would she want to? Or would she kill Abby on sight? Did it matter, would this group be able to achieve what her father couldn’t? Abby had managed not to ever mention Ellie to the Fireflies and had asked Lev to do the same. How had she managed to keep this a secret for years and now suddenly it was almost all out? Abby wished she had said no, that she did not know anyone or that she knew her but she was dead, she did not want to see this girl again. That girl had killed all her friends, she had killed Owen. But she had also let her live. Would this be the way Abby could finally redeem herself and honor her father’s memory?  
\- I can try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Mexican - I belong to another country way more in the South. If you see a problem here you can point it out and I see if I have time to correct it. Again, I am doing this alone and I do not know everything but I want to learn - if possible try to avoid being like a peer reviewer please? xD  
> I think TLoU is great and the TLoU2 is amazing as a story about revenge and how the cycle of violence can kill you, among other things. But I was always bothered by this idea of the one and only person/genius/scientist that he alone and no one else can make a cure, does a discovery, etc. There are several reasons why this concept is abhorrent, not only because science is a process and you need a lot of people working together to make a discovery and to make a treatment but because this idea of the lone genius makes us misunderstand the science progress as a whole. Science is made by people and we collectively make mistakes and correct these mistakes with time, it takes a lot of effort and a lot of minds working together, and sometimes there are people who steal other’s job or do not tell you where they found it and pass it as their own, and then we end up remembering and loving the names of a couple of people that actually did not work alone at all. And of course it bothers me to see that again this lone genius is in the US. There are plenty of very talented people working outside the US, are you telling me no one out there is trying to make a vaccine/treatment in other ways? Of course that idea that the only person who could make a cure is dead is the point of view of another doctor that was desperate after the fireflies dismantled, and I think it is possible it was only her thoughts after a disaster or the thoughts of some fireflies. Of course they can not know what people outside their reduced world are doing, the fungal pandemic cuts the connections with the rest of the world. If I remember right, it was mentioned that the disease spread through Central America and North America, Europe and the Middle East (no mention of Africa) from South America. But there are many details we do not know about.  
> So why not have Mexican and other Latin American doctors who do research and are trying different things? I mean if the place in Seattle that was their ground zero was still standing then why not Mexico? Mexico is in the North and if I got it right, the events started in South America somewhere, then they would have had time to prepare and make this weird alliance and preserve the best hospitals at least. Maybe because they got the news that all was a mess in whichever South American country this mess started and they had time to prepare and make all these alliances and protect resources so health researchers can continue working. And because the language of research was still English in 2013 these guys know that language.  
> Sorry for this small rant here, maybe what I am suggesting does not make sense and maybe I will make a lot of assumptions and mistakes here myself. These are just my ideas, please look at specialists for answers about how vaccines, treatments, fungal infections, etc, work.


	4. Ellie

Initially it was an exciting day. After years Ellie was going to go on patrol with Dina. If they had time she would take her to the dinosaur museum and discuss when in the future they would take JJ there.  
Dina was even making terrible jokes with her. But there was no time for museums that day in the end.

\- That's the last area and then we're done

\- Ok… I.. even think there's time. We could do something else - suggested Ellie

\- You know the pot farm is dry already, we don't have more

\- I didn't mean that

Dina raised an eyebrow and looked at Ellie suggestively

\- I wasn't implying that either

\- Oh, sweet, I can still make you blush

\- You're being stupid - said Ellie smiling

\- Well, if I'm stupid and you're here then what are you, eh? - Dina laughed

\- The stupidest person alive, probably

\- Probably

They both laughed but then quieted when they heard what seemed to be a monstrous growl.

\- What's that? - whispered Dina with a tone that indicated she knew what it was but couldn't believe it

\- We never saw one near Jackson - whispered Ellie

\- What the fuck?

They looked at each other and continued, slowly now.

\- It's coming from that forest

\- What is this? Last week a horde and now this? - insisted Dina

\- It has been years… maybe now they are changing here too

\- But we only saw those in Seattle! And now, here too? What does it mean?

\- I don't know but maybe we need to be sure it's that for real

Dina and Ellie were both shocked but pressed forward, they needed to be sure their ears were not fooling them. The more they approached the higher the sound and their certainty about it.  
When they arrived they weren't sure where the noise was coming from exactly. There was only vegetation but Dina started noticing something in there.

\- I think there was a house here

\- Wow, it's so covered in vines and grass you can hardly notice

Another growl, this time stronger than before

\- I think it is coming from inside the house - Ellie whispered

\- That’s it - Dina started rummaging in her backpack

\- What are you doing?

\- We are setting this whole shit on fire, that is what we are doing

\- But what if there are interesting things inside?

\- No, what is inside is a fucking shambler and we are destroying it now

\- What if there are people?

\- Have you seen this place? We can barely notice there was a house, it’s covered in vines and grass, no, whatever is inside is just infected

\- Ok, we’ll do it your way

Dina and Ellie started cutting the vegetation surrounding the house, so that the fire would not spread to the whole forest. Once they finished they set the house on fire. At the beginning it seemed that it was going to work, they could hear the infected being burned, it seemed the house was full of clickers and runners. They were about to leave and get their horses when the growl they had heard increased and two shamblers, still on fire, broke a wall and came directly at them. They ran and shot at them and at some point Ellie thought they wouldn't make it but she had some bombs and she quickly placed some on the floor. The shamblers blew to pieces, flesh fell everywhere even on top of Ellie and Dina but the shamblers were finally killed.

\- Good that you had those still, I thought we were done for - said Dina, then looking at her she added - you look like shit

\- You aren't looking that hot either - recognized Ellie

\- Nah, you'll still want me

\- True but maybe not now, let’s go back

On their way back they tried to hear if they could spot another strange sound. They only heard runners and disposed of those on their way. Neither could think of any more fun thing to say.


	5. Dina

When they came back, they told Maria they had seen two Shamblers and described to her what they were. Ellie did some quick sketches and Maria listened and told them to take a day off the following day. Dina was about to protest but Ellie shook her head and just went to do as she was told. Dina knew that that was in part because she was still feeling guilty about everything and considered herself lucky to be back here but Dina was getting tired of Ellie not fighting more for what she clearly wanted. It was obvious that Ellie did enjoy going on patrols but for today Dina let it go. In any case it would be actually quite good to rest one day with her family.  
When Potato came back from school he was talking and talking about some books someone that came back from patrol days ago gave to the teacher.

\- Sounds like you had a fun day

\- And my favorite was virus book, it was V is for virus, when I grow up I want to work with viruses - said Potato

\- Is that so? Why? - asked Dina

\- Because the book said, there was this awesome tree, a chestnut, it was big!

\- Really? - asked Ellie - how big?

\- Huge! Like this - and JJ stood up and extended his arms

\- Wow, such an imposing tree - said Ellie smiling

\- It was huge! But it was attacked by a fungus - said JJ excitedly

\- Oh no! - said Dina

\- Yeah, they were dying from this so people were making a virus

\- They made a virus, wow, sounds sophisticated - said Ellie

\- Yeah, and the virus attacked and killed the fungus, and, so the tree would be safe!

\- Oh, I see, you want to save the trees, that is nice - said Ellie

\- Who would have thought our kid was so much into trees? - said Dina

\- No! Mama Ellie and mom, you don’t understand! I can make a virus attack the people fungus so then there would be no more infected and mama and mama Ellie can stay with me at home!

Ellie just looked at JJ but Dina smiled and said to him.

\- That would be wonderful, love, really wonderful

\- It would, wouldn’t it? - he said proudly

\- I need to, hm, … I forgot something, I will be back - said Ellie

\- Ellie… - said Dina with a slight tension in her voice. She needed honesty, not this.

\- Uhm… ok, I want to see Raquel, can I tell you when I’m back?

\- Ok, as long as you tell me

\- Wait mommy Ellie, are you not free today? - said JJ disappointed

\- I will try to not take long, when I am back we can paint together, ok?

\- Ok - said JJ

Dina asked JJ more questions about the book and it seemed that helped him get distracted but Ellie was not really fooling anyone. She hoped Ellie wasn't having a panic attack and that whatever troubled her wasn't so terrible.


	6. Ellie

She hoped Raquel was not busy. Seeing Raquel was though but it was helping her and right now she needed help. Luckily she was available. The visit went as expected. Ellie talked and then they played a song. Ellie was actually looking forward to that part of the meeting.

\- You're getting better at this

\- Thanks

\- Well, see you next week - then she looked at Ellie's face and said - or is there something else you want to talk about?

\- Well.. - Ellie sighted - I was just thinking… today we saw Shamblers, they didn’t used to be here, and Maria mentioned that she was told that this is happening in other areas too… and I can’t help but think, what else? Is there going to be more of these things now, new things even? How long will we survive? If there was… if we just had a cure then… even my kid is thinking about a cure… and I can’t help…

\- We don’t know enough to think there will be more, it could have been one occasion, and plus we are many here, you have to think about the now, what do you know now and not let yourself be swallowed by dread of “maybe”

\- I know but… can you maybe, entertaining this thought with me… what if.. What if you knew there was a way to make a vaccine but for that one person, one person who you found was immune had to die, do you think is it so wrong to let that person die even if you care about them or do you think you would rather condemn everyone for that person?  
Raquel looked at her with a questioning look. And Ellie continued

\- I am not asking as a .. as a patient, I am asking as someone, as just someone who wants to know your opinion

\- Well, hypothetically I think the best choice would be to kill this person and make the vaccine.. If we were living in a world where that is a thing, that is.

\- I don’t understand

\- Well, you see, developing a vaccine takes time, one year, two, even five. And developing a vaccine against a fungal infection, well it’s tricky and even before all this started we still had not managed. There were some tests but nothing approved yet. I am telling you this because my husband was an epidemiologist, we used to talk and read together about these things a lot, our friends were all health researchers and well, you can imagine our gatherings - Raquel sighted, probably remembering something about her dead husband - anyway, the thing is there are several ways to go about making a treatment against fungal infections, but a vaccine - she shook her head - a vaccine has not been a reality and even if you were lucky to find an immune person, you should never kill them, you should definitely keep that person alive because that person would have so much info you'll need. No, definitely, I would not kill that person but protect them at all cost. But that is all a dream, I mean, there are rumors but we know no one so...

Ellie just stared at her and felt her whole body tense. She just said she was too tired and left. She held her tears until she arrived at home and then ran to their bedroom. But the moment she closed the door behind her she started crying and crying. Dina came to her and held her and asked what was happening but Ellie could not contain herself. She just cried. Dina held her tighter and Ellie continued to weep.  
After some time she managed to cry less and talk

\- It was for nothing, it was for nothing, Dina, he did not have to die, he did not have to kill all those doctors.

\- Dina looked at her, confused for a while but trying to indicate she could go on.

\- Raquel she was saying… she was saying there are other ways to make a cure, that they could have kept me, it was not just some dreams of JJ, you can actually do it in different ways

\- You told her?

\- No, I.. I did not say it was me, I was just telling her, what if we found an immune person, I can’t help thinking about it, Dina, if there was a cure then maybe there would not be so many infected by now, maybe there would not be those shamblers around

\- Ok.. I understand but why is this upsetting you? I thought you had already forgiven Joel

\- Of course I did, that is not it. If the doctors would have tried that… the alternative, taking samples from me, then maybe Joel would have stayed with me, then we could have come here and no one would have died, Abby wouldn’t have…- she started sobbing again - they would have made the cure, my life would have meant something

\- What are you talking about? - Dina held Ellie’s face - your life HAS meaning, you are valuable already, not because you could save the world or some shit like that, but because you are here with us, me and JJ. You already mean something.  
Ellie looked at her in surprise, her words slowly being processed in her mind. Then, abruptly, someone opened the door

\- Mama? Mama Ellie?

\- Oh, Potato, sorry - Ellie tried to dry her tears

\- Don’t cry mama Ellie, here take my Escherichia teddy

JJ gave her his favorite bacteria teddy, and came to hug them both. Dina and Ellie looked at each other and smiled a little and Ellie cried a bit more, but after that, she felt a little lighter.  
Of course Dina was right, of course her life already had meaning, right there with Dina and Potato, she knew that at some level. She just needed to believe it fully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not Echerichia coli plushies exist, among other things, so it is not impossible someone got it for JJ or alternatively made it by hand. There’s doctors at Jackson and obviously some books remain on different subjects.  
> In this story I was slightly annoyed at the idea that vaccines can be done so fast. I read a couple of reviews on fungal vaccines and even up to last year there was no approved fungal vaccine made yet and it is not for lack of trying, they have been trying for years! But I understand that this is a game not a documentary. I have to insist again that if someone wants to know more about how vaccines work better check with specialists and good science communicators.


	7. Dina

It was JJ’s birthday. They were making a small party in the park. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, even Tommy. Ellie had made some silly paper hats with dinosaur drawings and kids and adults alike were running around wearing those hats. She said that Joel had told her kids used to wear those hats on birthdays before so she wanted to try. Someone was taking pictures and Dina made a mental note to ask for those pictures later. Ellie was playing some kids songs on the guitar and Dina was so happy that all of this was taking her mind out of the shamblers and whatever impending doom the future was holding. 

Dina wanted to be stronger but couldn’t be all the time. She constantly thought of what JJ's future would be like. He was so sweet and innocent, she really did not want him to be out there having to fight those things or having to deal with those fucked up groups of people that they had found in Seattle.

She hoped that all that was finally behind them but was that thought realistic? If the infected were beginning to be more diverse what would that mean? What kind of future would JJ have to live in? Would he have to fight against infected of what kind? Had she been right in keeping him? She didn't want her son to fight and run the acid projectiles of fungal spores of the shamblers, or whatever other infected he would have to face. Dina could not imagine a life without him but had she been selfish? The world they lived in could be so horrific… Dina shook her head. It didn’t make sense to think about those things, she had to look forward not behind. She couldn’t travel in time like in those comics Ellie loved, she couldn’t change the past. Somehow they had to make it work now. Maybe one day there would be a solution for all of this.

Things were already improving. She did not have the horrific dreams anymore, she was feeling better and Ellie was also doing much better. Therapy was working and it had helped their relationship so much. She thanked Maria for that suggestion.   
That night Ellie seemed relaxed, they put all the toys away and took a sleepy JJ to his bed. Ellie went back to bed and caressed Dina’s back while she sang in her ears. Ellie then kissed her. They had slow and very passionate sex and felt asleep naked.   
The next morning JJ woke them up with a water pistol that someone had the bright idea to give him as present and Dina promised she would look for that person and murder them. Ellie and Dina were making an effort not to make a big deal out of nakedness so JJ only laughed at them, happy to see how effective his water pistol was. 

If it was not for the fact that there were fungus-people out there, Dina would say her life was perfect. She sighted and prayed a little, it still calmed her. She had to focus on the present, maybe one day she would have to teach her child how to make bombs and use guns and bows but today was still not that day. And besides, there were things to look forward to in life too. She could also teach him how to repair things, how to build a house, take care of animals and plants, it wasn’t all destruction and death. There was another thing she was looking forward to in the nearest future. In a week she would go on patrol with Ellie again. She hoped this time it would go better and they could make nicer memories so Ellie and her could forget about the shamblers. She had even a surprise for her, she would wait until that patrol to give it to Ellie. She hoped Ellie would like it.

Of course they had to clean areas with infected but normally that went well. Maybe they would be lucky and find some microbe books for JJ. Dina prayed that this time next week Ellie and her could be back with new fun stories to tell JJ and nothing more than that.


	8. Abby

\- I still think I should approach them and not you

\- We've talked about this, Abby, and it's a circular conversation.

\- But it could be dangerous to you too, they must know by now about the sca- seraphites

Lev looked at her and she knew he wasn't annoyed at this old joke she kept making, of pretending she still called Lev's former group 'scars' because he shook his head and smiled a little.

\- You should really stop, comedy is not your thing

\- What do you mean? I just made you laugh!

\- Because you are being silly in an attempt to distract me so maybe you run to them or something

Abby looked to the side, Lev did know her too well.

\- I would have probably failed anyway, you are faster than me - Abby sighted - but I can’t help but worry, ok? I worry that they will react badly to you because they must know about your group, former group now

\- We know this but we also know they are more likely to kill you on sight. Although only two people know you. In any case, you will have to let me be the one who approaches them. You told me they are more pacifist than the wolfs

\- They were before at least, maybe after we came they changed their minds. I mean, you know what we… what I did - said Abby, feeling ashamed

\- It was years ago, you had a different view of the world then

\- Yes but I still murdered that man, in front of that girl

\- But then you helped us, and you have been doing good things since then

\- Yeah, I don't think these people would care about that.

\- The important thing is that you notice the good you have done. Because you are a good person

\- Thanks Lev… but I still don't think these people will be kind to you

\- You are not going to convince me, I will be the one to approach them

She knew he was right but couldn't help but worry. She wished he hadn't noticed her trying to leave camp early in the morning months ago, when she left for Mexico, so she could have come alone here too. This was her mess, this was something she had to do, why involve Lev, who could have stayed safe with the Fireflies? But Lev was attentive and knew her too well by now. This kid was just too smart, Abby could not really fool him.

\- Is that it? - said Lev pointing out at the distance. As always, he was climbing quite fast while Abby struggled behind him. This was a very high area. Finally she reached him

\- Yes, that is it

  
Abby sighted, uncomfortable at the thought of having to face these people again and of maybe endangering Lev by having him accompany her. She really had hoped she would never see Jackson again. Last time she had been there Owen was alive and asking her to abandon her revenge quest. She wished she had heard him or at least that she had paid closer attention that red haired girl pleas. She looked at Lev, would he have been here had she not done that heinous thing? Now she was here with Lev, trying to convince him she should go first but for very different reasons this time. Lev was stronger and bigger than when he was 13, and he could protect himself but Abby still felt she needed to do more for him. This sometimes annoyed him but he was patient with her.

She hoped Ellie would accept or at least let her talk before trying to shoot her. She still remembered how close she had been of dying at her hands and how suddenly she let go.

\- We should try and go quietly, there can be patrols - said Abby

\- Yeah, I know - said Lev - but the only people who know your face are that woman named Ellie and the other one, how likely it is that they would be out there doing patrols?

\- Well, more likely than you think, look over there

\- Stop joking

\- I’m serious, look!

Lev saw where Abby was pointing and then looked at her. They were in luck, Ellie and the other woman were together following a trail down there.

\- You were serious

\- I told you!

\- Your attempts at jokes makes it difficult for me to know when you are being serious

\- I am not that bad

\- Hmmm - Lev looked at her with doubt in his stare

\- Ok, let’s just follow them

Maybe this was not going to go as bad as Abby thought, but she had to get to them first and then convince Ellie to join them.


	9. Ellie

It had been months since they had seen the shamblers. No new sightings had happened and Ellie was in a good mood that day. Surprisingly, she had another patrol with Dina and she hoped this one would be uneventful and that she would have time to show her the museum. As a matter of fact they did finish earlier and said to the others where they would go and that area was normally quiet. She told them it was a museum but did not specify of what.

\- So, a museum.. Was that your plan last time you seemed to suggest something kinky?

\- I was not thinking about that really

\- Oh really, I thought this was some sort of kinky nerdy thing you had planned, maybe you want to try on classical clothes and pretend we are in a play or something - said Dina laughing

\- No, but I will be checking for those type of museums if that is your kink

\- Hey, don’t project, this is your thing

\- Since when?

\- I don’t know, you are the one who is into weird places. Also, I am open to try different things. I mean, why not?

\- What, interested in trying to improve your wardrobe?

\- Excuse me, there is no way to make this more amazing looking - Dina pointed at herself - but a change of look can’t hurt

Ellie scoffed

\- What? don’t pretend, you know I am right

\- Mmm maybe - conceded Ellie

\- See, you are being reasonable now

They laughed

\- No, actually what I wanted to show you was this

Dina looked at the t-rex statue and smiled.

\- When JJ is older we have to bring him here - Ellie said

\- Maybe in four years… - said Dina thinking

\- Make that 8, no way I am risking a 10 year old to bring him here

\- Well, I hope by 14 he still will be into dinosaurs

\- Who ever stops being into them? - said Ellie, pretending to be shocked

They went and explored, it was so adorable, to plan JJ’s big adventure with Dina. She could almost forget the shamblers and the rumors of other things. Almost.  
Ellie told Dina about the last time she had been there and the dinosaurs and the space ship and Dina looked at her and smiled. Surprisingly they found a guitar there, Ellie almost cried thinking how surprising it was to find a guitar in that place that was so special for her and Joel, the one who had taught her to play the instrument. So they stayed for a while and Ellie sang a song from a cd she had found some time ago, “self control” it was called. Dina enjoyed it very much, she liked to be serenaded by Ellie. They kissed and that developed into a more intense session and they ended up having sex there.

\- I have something for you - said Dina after they were already dressed

\- And you waited until now for that? I can remove my clothes again - said Ellie, jokingly

\- It’s not that but we can continue later if you want - said Dina, almost purring

\- I would like that - whispered Ellie and kissed her

\- No problem - said Dina and winked at her - but what I have is this

Ellie looked at what Dina had in her hands. It was a switchblade, one of really good quality.

\- Where did you get this?

\- I repaired some stuff in exchange for this - said Dina shrugging - from the people that came by last time, they said it should last a lifetime

\- Thank you - said Ellie, teary eyed. She had lost her mom's switchblade years ago and sorely missed it but was happy this new knife could be the start of new memories with Dina.

\- You are welcome - said Dina smiling.

They hugged and then decided to keep walking around.  
Then Dina noticed something on the floor.

\- Hey, look binoculars, over there

\- Where?

\- Here - Dina grabbed something in the floor, Ellie did not remember seeing that before

\- That is odd

\- What?

\- A guitar then this. I don’t remember any of this being here

\- Wasn't that like years ago, or did you come back later, do you normally bring lovers here?

\- Lovers? No, I told you, I came here with Joel many years ago - Ellie smiled - he gave me a tape he found somehow of the moment the space shuttle is leaving earth, it was awesome

\- That sounds really amazing

\- It was - they smiled at each other - This is why I wanted to try and show to Potato, show him this and maybe he will like it too

\- I am sure he will. - said Dina, then added - But if he doesn't

\- I know. Try and not be disappointed. Anyway, it's true that it was some time ago since I came here but there was nothing like that or that guitar - Ellie pointed at the binoculars - that time

\- Maybe some people came by, it is not impossible

\- True

\- Check it out, I am taking this back - Dina started looking around and then stopped - Hey, is that another museum?

\- Yes, over there there is a natural history museum, it was a bit spooky

\- No, I mean that one

\- What? Really? let me see

Indeed, there seemed to be another place not too far from there

\- We should check - said Ellie, excited that maybe this could be another place to bring Potato

\- Let’s see if we have enough resources and then we go

They searched the museum and indeed they found some bullets and other resources. People must have really come by but the fact they have left stuff there worried them slightly. It meant they had not managed to come back.  
So they went quietly, as quietly as possible. The other museum seemed to be an art museum, at least it was what it said in the entrance. They could hear a couple of infected so they tried eliminating these quietly. It went mostly fine, except they also found stalkers and these were always very difficult to eliminate quietly but in time they managed.

\- Seems like it's clean now - said Dina

\- Yeah, look at these sculptures, people always loved to see naked people, right?

\- Yeah, they are pretty but sort of scary, I almost shot at one of these just now

\- Me too

\- Look, a backpack

\- Lets see what is inside

They found some bullets and other things, but It was actually quite sad, there were some notes and a picture of a family. She would have sworn one of the infected they just killed had similar clothes. The note said they were trying to get to Canada and that there were some weird sounds coming from downstairs.

\- We should check downstairs, if there is something dangerous we have to kill it

\- Ok, let me go first, in case there’s spores or something

\- Sure

There were indeed spores so she indicated Dina to put the mask on. Down there there were more sculptures, some made of stones and some made of wood. Some seemed quite terrorific or maybe it was the fact that they now had mushrooms growing on top that made them look like that. It was very confusing finding and killing the infected in here with all these human-like shapes around. After some time it seemed everything was quiet but something felt odd for Ellie and maybe for Dina too because they continued moving in silence.

\- Ellie, behind you!

\- What?

A growth in the wall was moving and what seemed to be two stalkers somehow sawn together started following them, they shot at it and ran but despite its size the thing was fast and did not seem easy to kill.

They ran until they got to the upper floor and tried to block the door with a statue and furniture. It seemed they had been successful but the thing was very strong and it seemed it was going to break the door. They started to run again and left the museum but the infected was somehow fixated on them. They kept shooting at it but the thing was too fast. Dina threw a molotov at it but it continued chasing them and then stood in place, it seemed like it was dividing itself or something. Then someone threw a bomb at it, pieces of flesh flew around and then someone threw another bomb and that finally seemed to be the end of it. Ellie cleaned herself a bit with her shirt then started writing and sketching to register this thing while Dina looked for whoever had helped them. Maybe the rest of the patrol had decided to follow them in the end, so Ellie was not really worried.

The last thing she was expecting was to see who came from the bushes. Immediately both Dina and Ellie grabbed their guns and pointed at them. Ellie started counting her breathing as she had for years now done to calm herself.

This was not a nightmare, it was really her, it was Abby.


	10. Dina

\- What the fuck are you doing here? - yelled Dina

She noticed that Ellie had paled and was counting under her breath. She hoped that Ellie didn’t have a panic attack right now.

\- Please we need to talk - said the boy with the scars, rising his arms

Dina remembered those scars, people in that group were religious weirdos that had almost killed them many years ago in Seattle. Ellie had told her that Abby was taking care of a boy from that group. Neither had understood why but they could only imagine that Abby and the kid were probably some sort of family. Ellie had mentioned his name was Lev. He was not a young kid anymore and even though he was with Abby he somehow didn’t look menacing to Dina. She still didn’t trust him though.

\- It’s true. We don’t have bad intentions, we just want to talk - said Abby. 

Dina looked at her, she was probably as big as before. Ellie had said that she was in poor shape the last time she had seen her. It seemed time had healed her sun burns too. She looked much calmer than the last time Dina had seen her but then she didn't remember much of that time. She actively tried to forget about it.

\- The hell you want that! You have 1 minute to get the fuck out! - said Dina decidedly. Yes, she had been spared by this woman thanks to that little guy but that didn’t mean she wanted to see any of them. 

\- Please, just please we just- said Abby

\- You heard her, 1 minute! - yelled Ellie, who was still counting under her breath but seemed somehow to be calmer now. 

_ Good  _ thought Dina hopefully, Ellie was indeed getting better. Her voice hadn’t even trembled so that was progress. 

\- Please, it's important - insisted Lev - we really need to talk to you

\- Then speak, make it quick! - said Dina

\- It's.. - Abby seemed lost for words - uhm … well, you see the fireflies-

\- The fireflies still exist? -said Ellie shocked - I thought they were gone

\- Yes, they do - Abby grabbed her pendant and slowly removed it from her neck, then threw it at Ellie - see for yourself 

Ellie grabbed the pendant. It had the firefly symbol and Abby's name on it. 

\- It looks legit - said Ellie to Dina.

\- It is - said Abby - we regrouped and we are working together with another group in Tampico, they have more equipment and doctors, we're looking for a cure and we-

\- No - said Dina

\- Please if you just - tried to say Abby

\- No! She's not going with you, end of story - replied Dina, she wasn’t losing Ellie again.

\- Are they still looking for a cure? - asked a hopeful Ellie, lowering her gun and then placing it in the holder.

\- Babe, what are you doing? - said Dina, who was starting to freak out

\- Dina, if they are still trying-

\- No, we're not doing this again, you're not leaving again - said Dina, still pointing at Abby and Lev

\- Babe, if they can make a cure-

\- And what if they fail, then what? You died for no reason, what about us, what about JJ? - Dina put her gun away, went to Ellie and held Ellie's head in her hands and said in a trembling voice - I know of your guilt and I know of your wish to save everyone but why are you throwing your life away so easily?

\- It’s not the guilt, Dina - Ellie said tenderly grabbing Dina’s hand - it’s about you, it’s about JJ, do you want JJ to ever come across that? - she pointed at the thing they just fought - if there is a way to stop the spread of this, shouldn’t I try?

\- I don’t want you to die - begged Dina

\- She doesn't need to die - interrupted Abby, looking very uncomfortable

\- What? - asked both, now looking at Abby, that seemed to struggle for words

\- There are other ways - replied Lev - the doctors we met in Tampico are actually extremely intent on keeping Ellie alive, they say she must be protected. 

Dina frowned, this sounded bad already. 

\- What does it mean? Do they want to keep her? Like a pet? 

\- No, they want samples and make tests and then you can come back - said Abby

\- I don't believe you - insisted Dina

\- We promise to bring her back - said Lev

\- Yes, I think… I think that I owe you that - said Abby

\- Why? - asked Ellie surprised - what the fuck are you on about?

\- For everything - said Abby and Ellie and Dina remained confused

\- Joel killed your friends, you killed Joel, I killed your friends, you killed my friend, what could you possibly owe me? - said Ellie, harshly

\- You rescued me from that hell, you rescued me and Lev, I got another chance… we fought but you let me live. I can't say that I like you and I am not here looking for forgiveness but I think this is bigger than all that and you don’t even need to lose your family over this - said Abby

Dina and Ellie stared at her for a while, then Ellie looked at Dina.

\- I hate to say it but she’s right, this is bigger. This is not the same as that time - Ellie  insisted

\- You are still going on a suicide mission, you can still die - said Dina desperately 

\- But if they can make a cure, then JJ won't have to worry about it - replied Ellie

\- Ellie…

\- It's true, if there's a cure and there are less infected, then he will be safer. This isn't about me being a nerd who believes in superhero stories, this is about you, about JJ having a chance of a better, safer future - she begged Dina

Dina felt conflicted. She knew this time Ellie was right but couldn't make up her mind. She wanted to go with Ellie but did not want to leave JJ. She wanted JJ to have a chance at not being infected but was afraid she would lose Ellie forever. She just shook her head.

\- Dina, you know that if there is chance, just a small chance that JJ can grow without these infected around… he deserves it

\- Ellie, what you want to do is absurd, travelling who knows how many miles with THAT woman - Dina whispered but pointed at Abby - you had nightmares for years about what she did and I saw you counting to keep calm right now

\- Maybe you won't believe me but I wasn't as scared or shocked anymore but kept counting just in case

\- Even then you think you can travel with her alone? 

\- There is that boy Lev over there, it’s not just the two of us - replied Ellie dubiously

\- Big relief! As if he would protect you or something. He is far more likely to shoot at you if you so much as look badly at Abby

\- You know I can protect myself

\- Of course you can but it not just your physical health I am worried about here, Ellie, there is trauma associated with _that_ woman

Ellie looked down. 

\- I know but now is different, because I am doing better - Dina scoffed but Ellie insisted - I really am, I mean, I let her go, I let it all go, I am better, I swear. So, I think I can do this. Dina I have to try

Dina looked at her and sighted

\- Last time you went after her, you came all battered and missing two fingers, you even thought you would never play the guitar again - insisted Dina

\- I even thought I lost you forever, I know - whispered Ellie

\- Then you have to understand, why I worry about what will happen - said Dina

\- Dina… I'm better, I'm fine, I am not bullshitting about this, I am really doing better, I can do this, trust me, please. I will do everything I can to come back, I love you, I love Potato, I will come back and maybe even with a cure! Imagine that, babe!

Ellie sounded so hopeful, she really believed this could happen. Ellie and Dina held hands and looked at each other in their eyes and, after a while, Dina finally nodded. 


	11. Abby

This hadn’t gone as she expected. She had expected Ellie to try and kill her but it was the other one, the one named Dina was the one who wanted to shoot her. What shocked her too was the way Ellie reacted when they mentioned a potential cure. Ellie had lowered her gun and looked at Abby and Lev with an expression that seemed to be a mix of surprise and hope. She wanted this, she wanted to contribute. Abby couldn’t help but think of her dad trying to convince Marlene of killing Ellie to make the vaccine. Had she been asked, would Ellie have said yes? She had the feeling she would have. That led her to think about all that could have been avoided but Abby shook her head and thought about Dr. Lucero, she had said they had far better chances of making a vaccine if they had the patient alive and could study her as much as possible. Abby needed to think about the present and how to help now and try as much as she could to avoid thinking about what could have been. 

When Abby saw how long Ellie and Dina were taking in saying goodbye, hugging and kissing each other she wished she could hurry them up but of course she didn’t. Had she been in the same situation, had that been her and Owen maybe they would have been hugging and kissing for hours too. She still missed Owen. She had other lovers after him but Owen was special to her because he knew her for such a long time. What would he say to her now? Would he be angry that she was going to travel with his murderer? No, of course not, he may even be proud of her, letting all that rage go for the greater good, and even consider helping Ellie return to her family. To think that this woman had a family, was a mother now. Abby looked at Lev, of course she had to make Ellie return to her kid and her wife when they finished this, she just had to. Although part of her was slightly angry that Ellie got to keep her lover but Abby hadn’t. She sighted, of course thinking like this was not going to help, she needed to let this go. 

Dina had tried to keep her voice low but Abby heard her when she said that Ellie had nightmares about what Abby had done. It stung but could she really be surprised? Abby had seen her dad dead, after Joel killed him and that alone gave her nightmares for years. But he had not been tortured in front of her. Ellie, on the other hand, had seen Joel tortured by Abby's hands and it was obvious that he meant a lot to her. This was going to be a very uncomfortable trip but what could she expect really? It was strange, to say the least, having to travel with someone who had been so utterly fucked by Abby's actions and that in turn had fucked her up too but that at the same had saved her from the rattlers. Abby did not hate Ellie but she felt there was still tension between them and there was no easy solution for it.

Ellie insisted on tailing Dina until she got to a checkpoint and got together with other people on patrol. Abby had heard them discussing what Dina would say, something about the infected encounter and Dina not finding Ellie after that. When Dina was safely back then they left as quietly and quickly as they could, avoiding all the potential checkpoint and trip wires. It seemed that the people at Jackson were inspired by their visit to Seattle and had placed trip wires everywhere, except these were sort of useless because they had signs clearly showing that if you stepped on them you could die. It only occurred to Abby a bit later that maybe that was the point, the bombs were not for the people, they were just for the infected. Ellie was indicating them where to go and what to avoid but did not say much. Lev was talking a bit about how pretty the area was in bloom. Ellie recognized briefly that it was indeed very beautiful and kept touching her bracelet.

The first morning Abby woke up first so she saw when Ellie woke up and how she jumped in surprise when she saw both Lev and Abby but then put a hand on her chest and started counting slowly and that seemed to calm her. Both Ellie and Abby pretended the other had not seen that. Abby wondered how many times she would have to witness that and it made her very uncomfortable. 

They tried to go back the same way they had come from but it proved difficult since now there were a lot more infected on that path. Abby was glad she had recovered most of her shape, she needed her strength to punch all of these infected, to be able to grab a stalker and toss it against others, to be able to break them with her hands. Lev was always a good shot but now he had learned how to use other weapons and had also become stronger. Ellie may be small but she was toned as fuck and very agile. She also knew very well how to make diverse bombs and how to use them strategically. Despite the awkwardness, Abby had to admit they made a good team when working together. 

For days they walked, fought infected and hid, ate, rested and then kept moving. Lev and Abby 

talked but Ellie said the bare minimum. She kept to herself and a notebook. Abby decided to give her as much space as she needed. 

One day they had to fight what seemed to be a small group of infected but turned out there were several others nearby and they had to run from these, at one point Lev was far away from Abby and she saw him fall and a clicker almost got to him. She screamed in desperation, there was no way she would get to him in time but then Ellie rushed to him, hit that clicker with a weapon that seemed to be a bat with scissors and killed that clicker, saving Lev. Abby thanked her afterwards but Ellie only nodded and said nothing to her. 

Later they reached a house and they blocked the entrance. From this house they reached another using the ceiling. It was not an agreeable experience but far better than the time she had to use the sky bridges built by the Seraphites. Finally they barricaded themselves in an abandoned house. Abby searched inside her backpack for food and Lev said he would make something. Ellie ate, thanked Lev then started writing in her notebook. Abby went to sleep but was not really that tired so she did not sleep right away. It seemed Lev approached Ellie and was asking her questions.

\- Back then, I'm not sure if you heard me, so I wanted to say I'm thankful - said Lev

Abby heard that the noise of pen in paper stopped briefly and then Ellie spoke. 

\- No problem, gotta help each other

It seemed Ellie continued writing after that. Minutes later Abby heard Lev talk again.

\- Do you write everyday? - asked Lev

\- Yeah, something like that

\- My sister Yara liked to write too but after she started training to become a warrior she had to stop, apart from the scriptures we were not supposed to make new things anyway. She just liked to describe things

\- You were in that.. That group

\- The Seraphites

\- You left, is this something to do with your sister?

\- It was more to do with me, the elders were desecrating the values of our prophet and I disagreed with what they planned for me... and my sister followed me and I guess that was the problem, that she followed me always, even when it was too dangerous. It ended up killing her

\- I’m sorry

\- Thank you

Ellie was quiet then said

\- Do you miss her?

\- Yes, but I am at peace, I am hoping our prophet is caring for my sister

\- I see… How does that work? I mean, you left this group but you still hold to it somehow

\- Our prophet sought peace, and her book was a guide to all of us, but sadly the people that became our leaders after her departure misunderstood her words. I believe in her guidance, I believe in her words even if the other Seraphites don’t understand me

There was silence again for a while the Ellie replied

\- My wife, she believes in something else too, she prays from time to time. She is probably praying now. She said that some people in her group would also be bigots about us if they knew, that she met some very bigoted people in her religious group time ago, not all, of course, but there were some. She said that didn’t change how she feels about her faith

\- Yes, it is like that

Abby could almost see the smile in Lev’s face, she could hear how happy that statement made him.

\- After I came back I have been… they say is therapy… to deal with all the shit I’ve been through…my doctor, she said I need to make amends, that it helps, so I am just trying to say, about that last time, I am sorry, I shouldn’t have threatened you, you were barely conscious, mistreated for days probably, that was-

\- You were trapped in your grief

\- That’s a… a really good way to put it

\- I accept the apology

\- Thank you 

\- I guess I have to apologize for hurting your wife, but she was going to kill Abby so..

\- I understand, I also accept your apology

\- Thanks

Abby didn’t know exactly what she felt about the whole conversation but it seemed to her this indicated their trip would not necessarily be as terrible as she initially thought so she relaxed and slept after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a therapist, so sorry if this inaccurate but I thought in any case it is good for them to talk about it
> 
> I will try to post as much as possible, someone in my house has tested positive so if all goes to shit I hope this can be out there


	12. Dina

\- Have they found mama Ellie yet?

\-  Not yet, sweetie

\- When will they find her?

\- I don’t know 

\- Are you going to go and look for her?

\- Not today, sweetie

\- Why?

\- Because I am here with you

\- I can be with grandpa Robin 

\- Yes, but today I am here with you, I also want to be with JJ

JJ threw his toy to the floor and pouted.

\- You just don’t care about mama Ellie!

\- Sweetie… of course I do but I can’t be out there everyday

\- Mama Ellie would be out there everyday

\- Mama Ellie would also want to take care of JJ, didn’t you want me to be with you?

\- I want mama Ellie back more!

JJ started crying and Dina tried to hug him but he refused and went to sit in a corner. Dina sighted and counted up to 10, trying to calm her nerves. In part he was right, had she been lost for two weeks Ellie would probably go and not come back without her. But they had agreed on not telling people that Ellie had gone with Abby. Tommy was barely now reconnecting with Maria, and this piece of news would be too much for him. If he tried to leave now to kill Abby he would probably die. He was also being treated by Raquel but it seemed that to him it was still hard to let go completely of the idea of revenge. He was also slowly reconnecting with Ellie, and for Ellie that was important. He wouldn’t understand that this was more important than an old feud but it was hard on Dina to have to deal with how much pressure she was receiving from JJ.

\- You know, this that you are feeling… you are frustrated

\- Frustrated! - repeated JJ

\- But it is not my fault Ellie is not here, I am also very worried but I can’t go out everyday and ignore you, you wouldn’t like that, would you?

\- No - he replied looking at the floor and pouting

\- Well, I don’t want to ignore you and I also miss Ellie, but we have to be patient

\- I can’t, I want mama Ellie

\- Me too sweetie, but she is not here now, I am here now, hopefully one day she is back but for now I am here

Tentatively she approached him and then hugged him. He cried a bit more but then she proposed to teach him how to repair a robot toy they had found some time ago and he seemed brighter.

Later that day she was checking a box under their bed and found old Ellie diaries and then a notebook without anything written or drawn in it. Repairing electronics was good to her, even relaxing sometimes and she was glad JJ seemed to enjoy learning from her. And she did feel relaxed after praying but all that was happening and the uncertainty about Ellie’s return made her think maybe she needed another outlet. She grabbed a pen and started writing in the notebook. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OBS: I do not know if Dina has any more family, her sister is dead and I can’t remember if her parents are alive, so I am assuming there’s only Jesse’s parents. And I think Jesse’s dad's name is Robin but we don’t know the name of his mother.


	13. Ellie

Ellie really expected to never see that woman again in her life. Even the few times she had dreamt about her it hadn’t been pleasant. In one of her dreams she had actually killed Abby instead of letting her live and that was somehow even a worse dream than the times Abby was hurting her. She had fewer of those dreams now but was still surprised she hadn’t fainted when she saw Abby. In a strange way, seeing Abby again confirmed to Ellie that she was indeed doing much better. It still did not mean that she was glad to see her. If there was something she did not need in her life was Abby. Ellie’s life was perfect, or as perfect as it could be. She was back with Dina and they were making plans to move back to their farm with JJ in a year or so. It was a miracle that Dina had taken her back and that there was some semblance of normality in their life again. Despite all this, the chance Abby was giving her was too important to deny it. If Ellie could really help make a cure and stop the madness she had to try. 

She hated every second she was apart from Dina and Potato but she had to try and give him a chance of a life without infected. Perhaps the idea of travelling with Abby was ludicrous but there was no other option. For Dina and Potato she had to try and in a small part also for herself. Dina was right and her life had meaning but if she could pull this off then so many people would be safe too. There wouldn’t need to be any more people becoming Joels to survive or kids that lost their parents to this fucked up world. Even that guy, Lev, who seemed to be a nice guy, shouldn’t have to lose his family and follow around someone like Abby. 

The first and second night she woke up and was initially surprised, no, scared, when she saw in which company she was but then she relaxed when she remembered why she was with them. The first time Abby had noticed but said nothing, Ellie was a bit ashamed but on the other hand she had nothing to prove to this woman, so what if she was still reacting negatively towards her? It’s not like their history would just evaporate because of their new cause. Luckily she had coping mechanisms now and knew how to calm herself.

Ellie was writing as if talking to Dina, hoping she was fine, telling her of the runners and clickers they had to kill, the times they had to escape, the horde they had to run from and such. Abby and Lev were still asleep and for some reason she did not feel like waking them up. She then looked at her drawings of Potato, there was one page she had made of Potato through the ages, it was a concept for a painting she wanted to make. She hoped she would make it at some point. She closed her notebook and put it safely back in her backpack. Unconsciously, she started touching Dina’s bracelet, thinking about what Dina and Potato were doing. Maybe Dina was making breakfast, maybe toast or pancakes and juice.

Lev started moving and then woke up and said he would make breakfast. Ellie told him she could help and so they went to prepare for something. 

\- Did you make that bracelet?

\- No, I am not good with these things, it’s Dina’s, she said it was called a hamsa bracelet, it’s for luck

\- So, do you share a belief with her

\- No, but it was important for her that I have it, so I do, it is nice having something from her

\- She likes doing things with her hands?

\- Oh, she really does

Someone cleared her throat and Ellie looked confused at Abby, who seemed to be very uncomfortable and was looking at her reproachfully. Then it dawned on her.

\- I didn’t mean it like that, I mean, she is good at repairing things, jeez, people love to misunderstand me 

Lev looked at them then replied.

\- Don’t worry Abby, I could really see she did not mean anything sexual by it - he said

\- Lev! You are too young for these things - complained Abby

\- I’m 19, almost all the kids my age at the camp have had sex by now, they talk and I know about girls and hands and nails and-

\- Lev! I understand you are not made uncomfortable by this but normally people are, and some people prefer to keep these things more private - said Abby

Ellie let them and went to the other room. It seemed a mother-son type of conversation and they definitely didn’t need her for that. She would have plenty of those in the future with JJ, or so she hoped. The kid was right though, at 19 these things are for most quite common already, there was no point trying to shield him from sex. Ellie grabbed some pieces of cloth and went to a more private place, she needed to clean herself a bit. She heard someone approaching.

\- In a minute, give me some time - Ellie yelled. A terrible time to be on her period but there was nothing to do

\- Oh, are you busy? - asked Lev

\- Yes, just wait

\- Ok, Abby wanted us to keep moving, it seems it's all clear now

\- Yeah - Ellie said leaving the room - I'm done, let's go

\- Are you ok, were you feeling ill?

\- No, you know it's this normal part of the month when women bleed, it's fine

\- Oh, I know, it's my time too

\- Sorry? 

\- Yeah, I also have it, I know what you mean

Lev left and Ellie just stared in confusion but followed him. Then she remembered one girl at Jackson that was born and her parents had given her the wrong name, a boy‘s name. Later she clarified to her parents that she was called Samantha and then she understood Lev. Probably something similar had happened to him. 

\- Well, I guess it’s a thing that happens to guys as well

\- Yeah - said Lev

\- What are you two talking about? - said Abby looking at them suspiciously

\- Nothing, let’s go - replied Ellie, whatever she said, Abby was probably going to misinterpret her and they needed to get going already anyway.

They were gone already for a week or more and Ellie realized the sight of Abby did not cause her to tremble in fear or anger anymore. She was slowly getting used to seeing her as just a person, maybe as broken as anyone else. No, Ellie did not feel hate anymore towards Abby but she also did not feel she needed to be her friend either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a queer person but I am not trans so I need to say that if you see anything here that is disrespectful of Lev please let me know and I will see how to correct it. I am writing this for myself but I am open to learn. I also want to say that I love Lev and would defend him at all costs but he is actually probably much stronger than me and would probably be better prepared to defend me instead


	14. Dina

It was barely two weeks after Ellie had left and Alexis already asked her out. He was a man who Dina dated briefly after Ellie left her to seek revenge against Abby years ago. Of course Dina said no now. The irony of that whole deal was not lost on Dina. Abby was again the cause why Ellie was not by her side but this time for a good reason. Still, the fact that that man was still trying to get together with Dina was just too much. 

Most people believed Ellie was probably dead but Dina hoped she still wasn't. It was so uncomfortable how everyone pitied her, the unlucky and twice abandoned Dina. But she had more important things to think about. JJ needed her attention. He would still burst in anger from time to time but was slowly accepting that his mom was doing the best she could in this situation.

JJ was still very much into microbes, he was certain one day he'll be able to save humanity through viruses. If only he knew mama Ellie was now trying to work on a cure. He would be so excited! He may even be proud. But of course JJ was now too young to understand and Dina wouldn't risk Ellie like that.

Dina hoped that one day they would be able to tell JJ about these things. And hoped he would understand why they couldn't tell him before. 

Some days Dina felt bad for having left Ellie go alone. Although Ellie was right and that boy had better surviving chances with Abby by his side, and they both indeed survived this long, Abby had caused Ellie so much grief. Even if Ellie had received therapy and was dealing much better with her feelings, Abby may still cause Ellie to remember things she preferred were kept in the past. Dina just hoped that this time Ellie would return in one piece and that no parts would be missing from her body or her mind. Or at least that she would be back and as healthy as she could be.

She sighted, imagine if she had to tell someone that Ellie had left because of Abby? They would have pitied her even more, maybe thought that Ellie was trying again to kill that woman. Of course that wouldn’t make sense because to kill someone you don’t need to go with them to another country. Briefly Dina thought that Abby seemed recovered from the sunburns that Ellie had mentioned she had suffered after days hanging when she had been captured by the rattlers. Part of Dina had to admit that, had it not been for their past, she would have been slightly jealous, Abby was way too good looking and thinking that she was losing Ellie because she was going after Abby did sound strange. She laughed at herself and how absurd that would be. The biggest worry now was if Ellie would survive all this, and if Ellie would not wake up every morning and have a heart attack whenever she saw Abby. Presently, if anyone had to be jealous in this situation it should be Ellie.

A girl named Irina, who had always seemed very friendly towards her, was starting to approach Dina. Irina was tall and her hair was long and straight up to her butt, she normally had it in a crown braid around her head and a few strands would escape at the end of the day after coming from patrols or doing other work. She had a contagious laugh and candid eyes that could melt ice. She was more subtle than Alexis but Dina was not Ellie, she knew very well when someone was into her. So she tried to be very gentle and explained to Irina she wasn't at the moment ready to date anyone else. Irina was understanding and said to her she didn't have to worry but that if Dina ever felt ready to move on, she could wait. It was very kind of her and Dina decided she would take her on her word if years went by and Ellie didn't return. Of course she loved Ellie dearly but life could be so ephemeral and Dina wouldn't be able to wait forever for Ellie. They had discussed and it seemed it could take maybe two months to get to the place and another three months for the studies to take place. Dina thought it sounded like a lot of time but she also thought she should try and wait as much time as her heart felt like waiting.


	15. Abby

There was something surprising about how Lev could just talk to people. Even if he was sometimes quite terrible in his timing and his way of asking things he had managed to make the reserved Ellie talk a bit more. At least to him. It was still terribly awkward between Ellie and Abby. Especially because it seemed that Ellie was constantly talking in innuendo even though she said that was not her intention. Maybe it was just Abby imagining things. 

In her weirdest dreams she would have probably never imagined that she would be travelling with Lev and Ellie. She just wished it could be faster but they kept getting delayed by the infected, on their way to Jackson they had not found that many, there was probably a horde moving around and they were just unlucky enough to keep getting in the way.

When they were resting that night they discussed possible routes to avoid the big horde, and even if it was going to delay them more they needed to try. Abby was in charge of making food and was trying to make some soup when Lev approached Ellie. 

\- Here, I found this in a pharmacy on our way here, even if you don’t have it now it will work for next time - said Lev to Ellie

\- What is this? - asked Ellie

\- It’s a cup, is made of silicone, here in the package it shows - and Lev proceeded to explain very explicitly how to use a menstrual cup

\- Wow, I have never seen these, thanks

\- Some friends in the Fireflies camp taught me, you have to clean everyday and then if you can you boil it after use and save for the next time

\- It’s interesting, on our way back I can look for a couple more of these to take to Jackson, if it works for me. Maybe it makes me popular with the girls

\- Really? Is that what you want to mention to a kid? - said Abby reproachfully

\- I didn’t mean it like that! - complained Ellie

\- Oh, knowing these things have made me somehow popular with the girls, I don’t see why though, this is normal knowledge - mentioned Lev

\- Yeah, I kinda agree with you, thanks man - said Ellie - and good for you, if you are into it

\- It's nice receiving attention from the girls - said Lev and shrugged - but I'm not interested in anyone in particular yet

\- No one in Mexico either? - asked Ellie

\- Nah, all the doctors are too old - said Lev

\- No rush - said Ellie

Lev nodded and smiled and went to find clothes to make a bed.

\- Hei Lev - said Abby approaching him, when they were farther away from Ellie - I think it was very nice what you did there but maybe you can be more discreet, I mean, it is a delicate topic

\- No, I don’t think it is, it happens every month, I see that some people are a bit repulsed by it but I see it as a natural thing. You have to accept what is natural in you.

\- Yeah but… it is a bit private

\- I disagree with you, I think we should talk about it more freely, not be ashamed

\- I am not ashamed

\- I think you are but I am unsure why

\- Well, it’s messy and makes you feel bloated and uncomfortable

\- Yes, but we see blood everyday, from others, from the demons, we see bloated corpses, destroyed areas, how is that not messy?

\- Well, if you put it like that… Look, I grew up thinking it’s a private thing and I thought maybe she was made uncomfortable by how direct you were

\- I understand your point but I think she was fine with it, she seems to like being direct like me

\- I see

\- Does it bother you?

\- What? 

\- That we talk

\- No, of course not

Lev looked at her suspiciously but did not insist. Abby felt a bit silly for talking about these things. Of course Lev knew about these things but why was she trying to shield him from these topics? It seemed to be pointless, they had infected to fight and a place to go to, she shouldn’t be trying to censor Lev but she couldn't help but worry about him. 

Abby was slightly annoyed that they were talking but not because she felt she was out of place in the group. It was because she overheard them once talk about something she thought was a bit private. She heard them talking about Joel and Lev mentioning that Joel had killed Abby's dad. Ellie had sounded surprised and as if something made sense to her then. Abby would have wanted to shield that information from her for some reason but at the same time she felt stupid for wanting to avoid the topic. She let them talk and didn't interrupt them. 

The following days they kept pressing forward and tried to avoid the infected as much as possible. One day they saw a sign that indicated they were in Kansas. She checked her map and couldn't believe how much time this was taking. At least they were still alive. 

They were unlucky enough to find a group of people who wanted nothing more than to shoot at whoever they saw. It seemed they were all over a city they wanted to just pass by. They had several checkpoints and Abby, Ellie and Lev disposed of most of the people quietly to try and escape. Abby had taught Lev how to do a chokehold and indicated how to use his arms to break someone's neck but Lev, like Ellie, preferred to use knives to kill the people they encountered and wanted to kill without noise. They managed mostly fine but Abby noticed that some of the people Ellie had apparently taken care of, they ended up seeing again days later. One of the men almost killed Lev and this angered Abby so much she almost shot Ellie in the face after she disposed of that guy. What the fuck was that asshole thinking?

When they finally were in the clear Abby was so tired of Ellie she wanted to punch her. Later that day, when they had found a safe house, she went to confront her.

\- Can you tell me what the actual fuck were you doing?

\- What do you mean? 

\- Why were you putting those fuckers to sleep instead of killing them? It's obvious they were going to go after us, they almost killed Lev!

\- I couldn’t do it, ok, when I went to the checkpoint you know what I saw? The one guarding it… he was just a kid, 15 maybe even 14? He looked so fucking scared!

Abby looked at her in surprise and couldn't help but think of Owen. Owen had left their group, the wolves, because he was also tired of fighting against the seraphites. In his case the breaking point had been an older man he just couldn't kill. So Owen gave up.. tired of fighting over land he didn't care anymore. Tired of fighting... No, she couldn’t compare _her_ to Owen, no way. Ellie had killed Owen for fuck's sake.

\- But that puts us in danger

\- I am aware but think that maybe these people joined that group to survive, what if they aren't necessarily terrible people?

\- What if they put a bullet in your skull next? This is the most foolish shit I've heard in my life, you're putting us at risk, what the fuck are you trying to achieve?

\- I'm tired of just killing people without thinking! What if those people deserve another chance? 

\- I don't give a shit about these people if they try to kill Lev! 

Ellie looked at her strangely and shook her head. 

\- Yeah, you know who did that? Who killed every fucking body in front of them for a child? Who killed mercilessly and thought nothing of it, regretted nothing? Joel

\- How dare you? - said Abby slowly, barely containing her anger. Her hands and all her body became ready to punch Ellie. But they needed Ellie alive, she couldn’t kill her.

\- And what was the result? Your dad, who could have made a cure, dead, anyone that tried to stop him, dead, the one person that was there for me since I was born, Marlene, dead - this piece of information was like a bucket of cold water for Abby, she stopped just at the moment she was about to hit Ellie

\- What? - Abby managed to say.

\- You think that made him a terrible person? You think that is all he ever did? And then what does that make of you, of me? Aren’t we doing the same? - Ellie sighed then continued

\- I'm tired, fucking tired that the only option out there is just killing and killing. You know what happened when I was doing that? - Ellie gave a hollow laugh - Of course you know, you witnessed that monstrosity first hand. 

Abby stared at her and remembered Mel and Owen dead at Ellie’s hand, so Ellie continued talking.

\- When you see those kids, how is it possible you don’t see your own kid in them? I can’t help but think of mine and that I don’t want him to be like me, like I was, I don’t want him to be a killer who can just end a life just like that

\- But - Abby tried to say - we can’t risk dying now, we are doing something important, we have to get there safely

\- And for what? We can make a cure but for whom? It is not just for us, we are supposedly doing this for the rest of humanity, aren’t we? It is supposed to even reach those guys out there, isn’t it?

Abby was just staring at her and Ellie was giving her a fierce and desperate look and then finally she said.

\- Look, I know what you mean and you are aware how capable of killing I am, I will kill to survive but if I can spare a life, especially that of a kid, I will

\- I just hope you won’t get us killed - said Abby but was not even convinced of her own menacing words.


	16. Ellie

Lev was very silently checking for the new place they were going to camp in and looking at her.

\- Stop

\- What? I am not saying anything

\- No but it’s like you are thinking out loud, can you just ask whatever is that you are thinking?

\- I am just thinking that I understand your position and I respect it but you have to understand Abby’s worry

\- I know - replied Ellie in a low voice - I know she is right, I know that I shouldn’t have let those people live because they came for us but… I am just so tired of the fighting, you know

\- I see, and I am sorry you are forced to do this - said Lev then he remained quiet for a while. He finally said - When I found out that Abby had to go after you, she tried to convince me that she should do this alone

\- Well, it’s a long trip, I imagine she was worried

\- But I was worried for her, because I knew of your history with her. 

\- Yeah, you probably thought I would try to kill her

\- I’m sorry

\- Don’t be, it’s understandable

\- But now I see that you don’t even want to kill people who would not hesitate to kill you. Even when you seem very well trained to kill

\- Well, all of us are, aren’t we? To survive but then what does it do to you? Inside I mean, that is what I worry about

\- I see what your point is, our prophet also wanted a peaceful life, a peaceful future

\- Yeah, it would be nice, wouldn’t it?…

\- I couldn’t help but hear… that you mentioned the man Abby killed

\- Yeah, Joel, what did you hear?

\- Well, you were not being quiet, so I heard it all, sorry about that.

\- I guess you know something anyway, we already talked a bit about Abby's dad and Joel so..

\- True but I was just thinking that you mentioned he killed your… friend? - Lev sounded confused

\- Well, it’s complicated, Marlene made sure I was ok while growing up, I only really met her at 13 but she was not exactly my mother but a friend? I don't know… she knew my mom and so she was the closest I had of what you can call family before Joel that is - clarified Ellie

\- But he killed her - said Lev

\- Yeah, because they were going to kill me to make the cure - remembered Ellie - Joel and I, we travelled together for miles and miles and we went through so much… then when we reached the hospital he heard that ...that in order to make the cure I had to die, so.. - Ellie looked down

\- He stopped them, for you - said Lev

\- Yeah

\- Abby mentioned this before - said Lev

\- Well, if you know why do you ask? - Ellie felt she liked this kid but he was making strange questions.

\- I just wanted to understand, how is it that you forgive him for doing that? - Lev said

\- Well, he did it for me, to save me from dying. It was a terrible thing but he did it out of love, so that I would live. 

Ellie sighted then continued. 

\- He saved me many times during the trip. Right before meeting the fireflies he even tried to convince me to not do it, go with him to Jackson. I think he sort of adopted me… he had lost a daughter, I think that is why he couldn't let go of me. I am aware he did terrible things in his life but he was family to me, do you see?

\- I think I can understand that

\- Yeah. The same way Abby would do anything for you, I guess. And I guess it’s the same for you

\- What? - asked Lev, confused.

\- You must have forgiven Abby, for killing many of your people

\- Yeah, I did, we did many things to survive, Abby and I

\- That is what I am afraid of, the things I have to teach my kid, if he has to do those things… I don’t think I can live with that

\- This is why you are going

\- Yes, I hope it is worth it

\- May she guides us safely there and back

Ellie wanted to ask something to Lev but they heard a sneeze and looked at the source. Luckily it was just Abby. 

\- Sorry for interrupting - Abby apologized

\- No, I think we were done - said Ellie

Ellie was just so tired of these questions but she also couldn’t help but be upset by how much seeing Lev with Abby reminded her of her own self with Joel. It made her so nostalgic. Lev was a good kid but Abby was ruthless when it came to eliminating her enemies but that actually made her even more similar to Joel. She wondered how many people out there were like Joel and that even then deserved a second chance. Wouldn’t that mean that Abby deserved her chance too? Of course, Ellie knew this, this was in part the reason why she had to let her live, because she knew that Abby was not a monster that killed Joel and did nothing else, Abby had also saved a kid that was supposed to be her enemy. She was also a person shaped by the fucked up world they lived in. 

If Ellie could forgive herself after torturing Nora, after killing Mel and Owen, and if Ellie could have a good life after all the shit she had done, for sure Abby deserved that too.

She sighed and then wondered what Dina and JJ were doing and hoped they were safe and wished that she could just hug her. She wanted so much to talk to her about these things, about everything really. If only Dina was here...


	17. Abby

Ellie was still talking to Lev but kept the communication with Abby to monosyllables.

It hadn't been her intention to overhear Lev and Ellie's conversation but there was nothing she could do, sometimes the places they were staying at were just that small. Hearing more about Joel, the daughter he had lost and his reasons didn't make Abby's blood boil as she would have expected. It made her feel more guilty. Maybe they were indeed more similar than what Abby could admit. The thought annoyed her and she tried to deny it to herself but the reality was that she had her doubts that she would be able to sacrifice Lev for the rest of humanity if given the choice. Honestly, she would probably not choose to save humanity if it meant Lev had to be killed without even consulting with him. 

Days later Abby was still irritated by the comparison but had slowly begun to accept that Ellie may be right. Abby couldn’t help but admire how Ellie could forgive Joel for killing Marlene and the others, and how it seemed she had forgiven Abby herself. It was a difficult situation but at least they had not tried to kill each other yet. For some reason Abby felt bothered that Ellie did not know that Marlene had also agreed to kill her, she had pleaded for her life but in the end had accepted that killing a child was the best way to go. So much for caring for Ellie. But Abby didn’t know how to bring up the subject without them ending up at each other’s throat. How can you talk to someone who barely talks or even looks at you? It was absurd that this bothered her anyway, it was not like Abby herself had any other idea or suggestion and she had not even tried to ask her dad if he knew other ways to make a vaccine. She felt guilty for not asking and just assuming her dad was always without fault. It felt wrong but Abby had to accept that her dad had been wrong there and they had all been wrong in wanting to kill a little girl for a chance of a vaccine.

A week passed and eventually they escaped those assholes and arrived in another city. They checked some buildings for supplies and grabbed as much as they could get. 

Ellie and Lev were talking and going into a building and Abby said she would check the next building. As she was going in she heard Ellie say something about corpses they found. Abby couldn't really understand what she was saying but preferred not to approach them. Ellie would probably stop talking if Abby approached them. 

Everything seemed quiet, way too quiet and something made Abby uncomfortable. But she looked and looked and there was no one. She only found a corpse. Checking through his things she realized this guy seemed to belong to some local group. She shouldn't be surprised but she realized they could be dangerous so she went to talk to Lev and Ellie about them.

Someone tried to grab her from behind and suffocate her but she kicked and threw the guy and then shot him. She heard gunshots and saw that there were many of these guys. 

She had to get to Lev and Ellie, so she threw a bomb to the guys that were shooting and went to the back of the building, hoping to find a way to get to the other building. Everything was blocked but she broke a window and had to go through the ceiling. Abby breathed and tried to relax and not look down. Finally she got to where she had left them and of course they weren't there anymore. However the guys who were shooting at her found her and all the commotion had attracted some infected too. She escaped that building and went to the other one but when she stepped on an old part of the ceiling it gave way and she fell. She tried moving but something hit her and she lost consciousness.


	18. Ellie

Ellie saw a Jewish recipes cooking book on the shelf of the house Lev and her were checking. Without even doubting she immediately decided she had to take that to Dina. She was going to be so happy. Maybe Ellie herself could practice some of the recipes and then surprise Dina.

Lev gestured to her and she saw he was pointing at a corpse with some notes. In them it was indicated that some of the wolves had abandoned Seattle because they were losing areas after Isaac died. Lev explained to Ellie how that man had died because his sister shot him and then how she died immediately after that. Ellie felt sorry for him but then she wondered what the wolves were doing here and what they meant by that traitor they wanted to kill. 

\- It's possible they mean Abby - said Lev

\- Why? 

\- When the wolves attacked the Seraphite’s island, they kept calling her traitor and they probably saw her as that because she helped me and my sister

\- Yeah, I was wondering about that, I thought your group and her group detested each other

\- They do, but she helped us

\- Why?

\- Because she is a good person

Ellie was thinking about things to say but then they heard gunshots. They saw that a group of people were shooting at someone they imagined was Abby because she had gone in that direction and immediately went to try and eliminate them quietly with their bows. Ellie placed some bombs and then they realized infected started coming. They needed to go after Abby and escape. But there were too many of the infected and they kept coming at them. They finally reached inside and Abby wasn't there anymore.

Lev said she probably went looking for them so they had to go back but it wasn't easy with all the people and infected on their way. Regardless of how hard it was, Ellie had perfected ways to shoot at people in places where they could be in enough pain they couldn’t follow them anymore but not bad enough to kill them. She wondered sometimes if this was a good idea, especially after those guys that almost killed Lev came back for them but she still believed that in the end it was better this way. It had to be.

They finally arrived where Abby was supposed to be and couldn't find her so they kept looking. Then Lev called for her with that eerie whistling and Ellie saw the group of people were taking Abby in a truck. 

Many infected kept coming and killing the other guys who were left and were trying to reach some trucks. So Lev and Ellie tried to reach these trucks quietly. 

They got to one but one of these guys was inside trying to make the truck work. So Ellie threw the guy in the back and asked Lev to keep him in check and she drove away. They tried to follow the truck where Abby was but soon lost it.

\- Ok, you have one shot at this, tell me where are they taking her

\- No - the guy whimpered

\- Really? Whatever you are planning for her is more important than your life? 

The guy seemed doubtful.

\- Just make it easier for you, do you think these guys would be that loyal to you?

\- I.. I don't know - he said unconvinced

\- Then tell us - said Ellie pointing him with the gun and trying to look as menacing as possible.

It seemed to be working because, although the guy continued to be doubtful, he guided them. When they reached the place Ellie asked him.

\- How big is your group?

\- Pretty big, we're all over this city - he admitted

\- Why are you capturing her? - asked Lev

\- Well, she seemed to be the one our new leader was hunting so - the man made a disgusted face when he said “leader”

\- You seem to not like this person, why? - asked Ellie

\- He's more ruthless, likes to kill too much, it was better before… he’s a piece of shit, and most of us dislike him, it seems he survived some attack years ago, we keep thinking it’s a pity he didn’t die in that fucking island - he spit on the side

\- I'm sure you aren't alone in these ideas - noticed Lev

\- I’m not, he’s the worst, it’s only 4 survivors but he will be taken down one of these days - the man said

\- So, tell us where do you think they will take her?

He did, then Ellie took the car a bit farther away and knocked the guy unconscious. Then closed the doors and Lev and her left for the building. There were guards they had to knock unconscious or suffocate, depending on how aggressive these guys were. They had to be quick, if a former wolf was now controlling this place, they couldn’t know for how long they would keep Abby alive, or if they would even do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought how come our characters always find the most loyal people when they want to get info on something? Cowards exist, people! xD


	19. Abby

She woke up to notice she was tied to a chair and alone in a room. At some point she felt someone woke her up with a fist. She didn't think she knew these people but they started hitting her anyway. She heard them talking about how pleased “he” would be if she was the one he was looking for. After a while they left. Abby imagined they were referring to her, someone was looking to get to her. Abby tried her best to free herself and to push the memories from the time she had been captured by the rattlers from her mind.  _ This isn't the same, you won't be enslaved, you'll find a way out  _ Abby thought desperately. Eventually, out of tiredness, she dozed off.

Later she woke up and saw that there was a small window near the ceiling and she noticed it was already quite late. She heard a woman and a man talking outside but didn’t recognize their voices but she could swear it wasn’t the same people as before.

\- Wonder what is taking him so long

\- Maybe he went to pick up more wolves out there, it seems that group disbanded completely

\- I heard they didn’t and that they are still fighting those religious weirdos

\- I don’t care man, this is shit

\- Shh, don’t let the others hear you, there was even these other guys beating the shit out of that woman not so long ago 

\- I know, they don’t even know her and they were hitting her in case she is the one

\- That’s the thing, there are some fans of this guy, like very weird people

\- Yeah but there’s like plenty of people who dislike the new leadership too, ok, I mean, the fuckers barely survive and then go around trying to do what, get revenge on some woman? We have bigger problems here, there's this unending horde, we're dying like flies. Just look at us now wasting our time guarding over some woman we don’t give a fuck about, just because she looks like the person he is looking for

\- I know but he has his trusted fans you know and they are so over the top, saying things like “may your death be adrift” or some shit like that

Abby almost laughed.  _ No, these people aren't like the rattlers _ she thought feeling slightly relieved.

\- That doesn’t even make sense

\- Who cares? They suck, right?

\- Yeah, damn wolves

Abby couldn't agree more with them at that moment. She realized they had suddenly gone quiet and she heard that someone was opening the door. To her surprise Lev entered and gestured to her to speak quietly. The people who were guarding her were knocked unconscious. Relief washed over Abby, she was so glad to see Lev she could cry, Lev hugged her briefly but strongly and Abby knew he had also been scared by the memory of the time they had been imprisoned before.

\- We have to hurry - said Ellie and then came to help free her - I heard more are coming

\- I am trying - said Lev

\- Here is your stuff - Ellie gave Abby her backpack 

\- Thanks 

\- No problem, this was easier because these guys are fighting so much with themselves, it’s amazing

They heard gunshots.

\- Ah, and there is also loads of infected outside, we have to leave

They tried to leave quietly but one guy saw them and blew a whistle and then they had to run in the other direction. Suddenly a clicker came inside and they also had to eliminate other infected on their way out. It was very confusing but Ellie used her smoke bombs very efficiently while Lev used his arrows with his scary accuracy and they managed to get away. Abby also used some of her bombs but mostly punched and threw people and infected around and broke their heads against whatever she had at hand. 

Eventually they reached an area with several cars and they stole another car and barely escaped the infected and the people but somehow they made it. 

\- I think we’re in the clear now - said Lev after a while

\- This car is out of fuel anyway, and if they see it they will know we are near, so we better get the fuck away - said Ellie

\- Let’s try that building over there - suggested Abby

They walked in silence, checking for infected and potential snipers. They found a couple of infected and quietly disposed of them. To get to the building they wanted to, they had to dispose of clickers and bloaters too. Luckily there were some supplies on the way, so they grabbed those. Abby even found some old coins and Ellie was grabbing some cards or something. 

They left their things in the ground and tried to sleep. 

\- Ahm, I wanted to thank both of you, for rescuing me - said Abby after eating

\- We wouldn’t go without you - said Lev confidently

**_You_ ** _ wouldn’t go without me _ , thought Abby.

\- He’s right - said Ellie, who was fumbling in her backpack, not looking at her - I mean, we have a better chance, you are the strongest here, so

\- Thanks anyway - said Abby

\- Sure - said Ellie - they are looking for you, we should leave this city as soon as possible

\- I heard something like that - said Abby

\- It seems some of these people are former wolves, including their leader - commented Lev

\- And they hate your guts, blame you for the defeat when attacking the Seraphites years ago - said Ellie

\- They even blame you for Isaac’s death, but we know it was not your fault - said Lev - maybe if we tell them it was someone else

\- No - Abby shook her head - they would probably shoot me and you first instead of asking questions, Ellie is right, we have to leave, maybe even now

\- Nope, we aren’t leaving now, you are clearly hurt - said Ellie

\- I’m fine - said Abby

\- Let me check - insisted Ellie

\- I said I am fine - what was wrong with these two?

\- The fuck you are, I know a wounded person when I see one, now stop talking and let me check your wounds

Reluctantly Abby agreed. Ellie took her to the bathroom and opened the small window there to let the light of the morning come in. She didn’t know why Lev hadn’t done this instead but on the other hand, Ellie was careful and surprisingly gentle. It wasn’t really bad except that Abby didn’t like being vulnerable in front of this woman.

\- Why did you come? - Abby asked

\- We told you - said Ellie stubbornly 

\- No, the real reason - insisted Abby

\- I already said it, we have better chances if you are with us - replied Ellie

\- Maybe you don’t, maybe if you left me there then you could have used the distraction and press forward

\- Stop being an asshole, you think your child would leave you? 

Ellie sounded slightly angry. 

\- Just because you didn’t gave birth to him, it doesn’t mean you are less important to him, so stop asking bullshit questions

Ellie continued working in silence then said in a low voice

\- He is a good guy, he wouldn’t deserve losing you

\- Did I deserve losing my dad then? - Abby regretted the minute she said it but it was out now

\- Did I deserve losing mine? - replied Ellie, looking her in the eyes and finishing her bandages. Her green eyes were full of fury - while I was fucking begging for him not to be killed? Did I really deserve that? 

Abby swallowed nervously. It was a strange situation, where it seemed that all could go to hell but at the same time it felt necessary. 

\- No, you didn’t - replied Abby with difficulty

\- Well - Ellie sighted and the fight seemed to suddenly evaporate in her - I think you didn’t deserve it either - Ellie paused, closed her eyes and breathed slowly a couple of times before continuing - you probably didn’t deserve losing your friends either

Abby felt her eyes wet but held her tears, she wasn’t expecting any of this. She was expecting Ellie to hit her or to not talk to her but not really this. What was this?

\- That guy you killed in the theater, that was a good friend of mine, Jesse, I know that at that moment you were probably just too angry to notice.. anything. I was so angry back then, angry at you, at me, at your friend Nora for saying what she said, I did terrible things to get to you but then I was tired. I didn’t mean to kill those two at the aquarium, I just wanted them to tell me where you were but that guy, Owen, would not say it. The woman, Mel, wanted to help but he didn’t let her, there was a fight… I didn’t even know that woman was pregnant, we were about to leave actually...

Abby breathed and then tried to reply. She failed so she breathed again and then said:

\- Your friend Jesse.. He was just a threat at the moment, of course I didn’t think. And Nora...I didn’t know about Nora, she was a good friend... but Owen, he was my boyfriend for many years, and.. that pregnant woman, Mel, was a doctor and she was a friend although after what I did in Jackson, after I killed Joel.. I was losing my friends, they were all disgusted by me

She saw the shock in Ellie’s eyes and said:

\- Yes, we were people who didn’t enjoy killing others, it wasn’t fun - said Abby slightly annoyed

\- I have a hard time believing that. Wolves would just shoot at anyone approaching, and your friend Nora, she did not regret what you did at all - said Ellie

\- She probably just said whatever she did to piss you off, she was also shaken by all of that - admitted Abby

\- That’s unlikely - said Ellie defiantly but then her gaze softened - but.. I guess it’s possible, I don’t know all of your people

\- We were doing that to survive, but I guess Isaac was getting a bit extreme with time - Abby didn’t know why she was justifying herself to this woman - And, they aren't my people anymore as you can clearly see. I didn't even know they were alive anymore

Ellie stood up, seemingly interested in ending the conversation

\- Well, life sucks I guess, I just had to tell you, I don’t think you deserved that shit and neither did I but that was already done so… - Ellie scratched her forehead - there was this woman I was talking to constantly, she kept saying that I need to find closure, sometimes that means apologizing when I fucked people up but I am having a hard time apologizing to you

\- I wouldn’t know what to do with that but let’s just say we are even, ok? 

\- Fine by me - replied Ellie as she was leaving


	20. Ellie

After talking with Abby, Ellie felt like a huge weight was taken from her back. Ellie had already let her go but now, knowing more about her story and seeing more about how she was with Lev had helped Ellie to see that she was indeed just another broken person who was doing the best she could with what this world gave her. Abby and Lev might not call each other mom or son, or brother and sister but they were family. Lev was a good person who deserved to have someone who cared by his side, and now that Ellie knew him better she was happy she had not taken that from him. Ellie had learned to not expect an apology from others to be able to move on. Still, she thought she should have tried to really apologize with Abby for killing her friends and lover but it seemed Abby was indeed fine with what she said. On top of that they had more pressing things to worry about right now.

Of course it was just their miserable luck to be found again by the fuckers just after they were leaving. To think she had tried to avoid killing most of them but in the confusion it had been hard. And on top of that there were also more infected coming, she was about to believe they were in cahoots or something with these guys but then the infected also attacked them, of course they did. 

They had to run for their lives for days, barely getting a moment of rest in between. It seemed these guys were really convinced they had to kill Abby, even if it meant they had to die trying. 

Even among the disaster she had to recognize that Lev was a pretty good shot, he wasted no arrow, he always striked true. Abby was terrifyingly strong and Ellie recognized she was relieved she was not fighting against her anymore. These guys really did not have a chance against her, it would have been better to give up. Ellie didn’t really want to kill these people, had even tried not to kill them when freeing Abby but it seemed these guys were obsessed with revenge. Well, she knew a thing or two about that.

They were so unlucky that even when they found a house to rest they were attacked by another one of those merged stalker shits they had seen in Jackson. On top of that, they also found two bloaters and of course the commotion of killing these brought the attention of the guys who were following them. It was a never ending shitshow. They fought until they were exhausted and then barely escaped.

After weeks of being followed, escaping, hitting, killing and hiding they finally lost them, although now they were completely out of the way. They were camping and trying to figure out where exactly they were when Lev came back from hunting and told them he had seen a sign indicating they were in a place called Oklahoma. Ellie tried not to despair but felt her time away from Dina was becoming way too long already. She constantly wondered what Dina was doing, remembered Dina’s smell and her lovely curls and how lovely JJ and Dina looked when they were asleep in their bed. Her daydream was interrupted by a decided Abby who was clearing a table from a house they just came in. 

\- We’re way out of track but never mind - said Abby and then took out a map - if we go down here then we should reach Tampico in one week or so

\- Abby, you dropped this - said Lev picking something up from the table

\- Oh, thanks

\- What is that? -asked Ellie

-Coins, my dad and I - Abby stopped, then sighted and continued - we collected them. I collect them

\- Oh - said Ellie and, looking at Abby’s face, wished she hadn’t asked

\- Anyway, as I was saying, this is the way to go - and Abby pointed a route in the map, quickly trying to change the topic

\- How the hell did you guys manage to arrive to Jackson in just some months and now we are taking forever? - asked Ellie

\- I think it all started with that passing horde, and we have been deviating from our way since then - recognized Lev - on our way there we had managed to avoid all these towns and cities but now somehow we can’t

Ellie sighted, feeling defeated, they had to move on.

\- Fine, we should try to look around for supplies, I am almost completely empty, it’s warm and humid here, so maybe it favours fungal growth - said Ellie

\- What? -asked Lev

\- Well, my son, he really likes talking about microbes so Dina and I read some things regarding fungi and their need because he likes hearing about these things and is good to know - replied Ellie

\- Oh, we didn’t talk about these things when I was growing up, but I have read some things with Abby - said Lev

\- Good, what do you like to read about? - asked Ellie

\- I like to read about sharks, cooking, archery, mystery and gardening - replied Lev

\- That is quite good, hey, did you know people used to eat mushrooms? - said Ellie enthusiastically 

\- What? - said Abby disgusted

\- Yeah, Joel said - Ellie stopped, then looking away she said - he said that before there were people who would even pay a lot for some particular dark looking fungus 

\- That is very strange - replied Lev - why would they pay so much for a fungus?

\- Apparently it was very very tasty, in the past they even used pigs to search for these.

\- Really, you too? - said Lev looking bored

\- What? - said Ellie surprised

\- Seriously, I am probably as old as you were when you became a mother so please stop making these pointless jokes like I am a baby, Abby is enough

\- Hey! - complained Abby - my jokes are fun, you just don’t appreciate them

\- But it’s true! I am not lying, I read about it, I didn’t take for granted most of the things I was told either, Joel was an unreliable source of information, I understand your reluctance. But me, I read about these things, I have no plans of bullshitting my son. - replied Ellie, trying not to stop before mentioning Joel. He was part of her life and there was no point pretending he wasn’t.

\- Ok… so where did you read this? - asked Lev, still a bit doubtful

\- We found books here and there when we were doing patrol, they even have pictures, this expensive fungus looked terrible. But there were other more interesting looking mushrooms and there were places to cultivate these mushrooms too - continued Ellie

\- I wonder if some people still do that - asked Lev, genuinely interested now

\- Maybe they do, they may think that just because one fungus is causing all this mess doesn’t mean all fungus are equally bad - reflected Ellie

\- It would be a sensible idea - said Lev - if we are ever in a place where they grow that I may even want to try

\- Ew no, please don’t - said Abby

\- You never know what you would like - replied Ellie, shrugging - if you try you can know

\- Is it just me, are you being weird again? - complained Abby

\- What do you mean? - asked Ellie

\- That sounded like you were being you know… - Abby was struggling to find the words 

\- Sexual? - suggested Lev

\- I was not! - protested Ellie

\- I know, but when Abby gets annoyed it is usually something related to sex so she must have been thinking about that - said Lev

\- But you see that is not me - said Ellie

\- No, I don’t think it was you, it’s just Abby being Abby - commented Lev

\- Well, Abby, you need to stop projecting. Sex starvation is making you obsessed, because it’s clear that is the only thing in your mind - said Ellie, pretending to sound professional 

\- Ok, I am just going to go to sleep and let you two be weird and talk about dubious food together, we'll look for supplies tomorrow, bye - said Abby and went to sleep.

Ellie laughed a bit with Lev and they stayed longer discussing different things. Lev started teaching her the whistle language and it's meaning. It seemed interesting to Ellie.

Ellie shouldn’t be disappointed that Abby decided to go to sleep already instead of continuing with their banter but for some reason she was.

Just to try something, the following day Ellie continued teasing Abby. It was amazing how the people more squeamish about sexual issues are the ones who seemed to have it in mind the most. Ellie was sometimes just making some general comments and Abby would think she meant something else entirely. 

However she might be taking things too far because she was making an attempt to bother Abby when they were exploring an old house and she didn't notice that there was a huge fungal growth coming from the ceiling. The growth opened and a clicker fell on top of Ellie. Luckily for her, Abby was just looking her way and grabbed it and crushed it against a desk that was nearby. It had taken Ellie by surprised but she whistled appreciatively at Abby’s strength.

\- Damn! Who needs a gun when you got Abby? - said Ellie, as a way of thanks

\- Whatever, just be more careful - said Abby 

\- That thing fell from here - said Lev looking up - I've never seen that happening

\- Hope they don't start flying or we're fucked - said Ellie

\- Don't even joke about that, maybe you give the fuckers some ideas - said Abby

\- Have you ever seen that? - asked Lev

\- No - replied both Abby and Ellie

\- It was unexpected, to say the least but that was cool of you, I am trying to say thanks - said Ellie

Abby looked at her suspiciously.

\- That’s it, you aren’t going to say anything weird? - said Abby, slightly surprised

\- Nah, just happy I am still alive - said Ellie

\- We are happy too - said Lev, always too truthful - but she is right, we all have to be more careful but you more than anyone

\- You are all just too serious all the time - said Ellie

\- At least we are looking where we are going - said Abby

\- Ok, mom, I’ll be more careful - jested Ellie

\- I’m not.. You know what? Whatever - said Abby giving up

Ellie laughed but tried to be more careful. Later she wondered if she was going too far with the jokes with Abby. She didn’t know this person and there was no point trying to be snarky with her. She wasn’t a friend and she would never be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any BoTW fans out there? :P


	21. Abby

Some days Abby believed that it was slightly better when Ellie was quiet and just writing and scribbling in her notebook. Although she had to admit it had been good that they had cleared the air and told each other what they thought. But now somehow everyday it seemed Ellie was becoming more relaxed not just with Lev but with her too and with that came insufferable puns and bad jokes. She was almost outraged at how Lev would laugh at Ellie’s jokes but would scoff at her’s. Treason! However, she would never admit it even under torture but part of her was enjoying getting to know this side of Ellie. Despite being followed by infected and trigger-happy people, the trip to Mexico was becoming slightly more bearable now. At least that was until they got to the next town.

To Abby’s dismay they had to climb over a very tall fence. It seemed to cover miles and miles and there was no end in sight. So they had to climb it. Abby tried what she had seen Ellie do, and breathed in and out a couple of times before trying to climb that thing and she realized it did calm her a bit. Ellie managed to do it quite fast but Lev was kind enough to go slower and talk to Abby the whole time and cheer her up. They finally made it and Abby sat on the floor for a while to recover.

\- See, it wasn’t so bad - cheered Lev

\- Definitely better than those fucking Seraphite bridges - said Abby breathlessly 

\- Jeez, with those arms I thought you would manage faster - said Ellie looking at Abby and trying to joke

\- Go to hell, Ellie - said Abby breathlessly, still shaking in fear

\- Sorry - said Ellie, apparently noticing something - do you need water?

\- Just give her a little break and then we will continue - said Lev

\- So, you really dislike heights then - observed Ellie

Abby groaned, now she was done for, for sure she was going to tease her mercilessly now.

\- Everyone has some fears - said Lev protectively

\- Sure, we all do indeed - said Ellie looking away

\- What, no funny comments, no jokes? - said Abby surprised

\- Nah, I can see you are serious now - replied Ellie, still looking away - Lev is right, we all have our fears

\- What are you afraid off? - asked Lev

It was a simple question but Ellie tensed, she looked at her tattoo. That made Abby pay attention to it for longer than she had ever before. It was beautifully made, she wondered who had done it to her and why had she decided to do it. But Ellie then looked at her hands then at her bracelet.

\- I'm afraid that… that I'll end up all alone

Abby felt that the atmosphere was suddenly heavy. Ellie could technically die like anyone else but if all went to shit and if she was indeed the only immune person, then she could really end up alone. She sounded so sad Abby thought she needed a hug. Lev looked at Abby and she had the feeling he thought the same. But Abby was not the right person to hug Ellie.

\- Well, I am afraid of the sea, used to be afraid of dogs but with Abby’s help, that is no longer the case - said Lev, trying to lighten the mood

\- I didn’t really do much - admitted Abby

\- You did enough - insisted Lev

\- Well, I guess we all face our fears in different ways - said Ellie - I really wish to not be the last one standing though

Abby wished she could tell her that it was going to be alright, that she would not end up alone but she felt that lying to her was no comfort at the moment. They did not know if they would make it but they were going to try. In any case, it was not likely that Ellie wanted to be comforted by Abby. 

\- All the more reason to try and be successful, then more people will be immune, right? - said Lev

\- Yes, I sure hope so at least - said Ellie and sighed, then she looked around - it’s weird

\- What? - asked Lev

\- There is no one here, I wonder if they think that the wall is enough to protect them - said Ellie

\- Maybe from the demons, they can’t climb that high on their own - commented Lev

\- Yeah, but I wonder if they would be nicer to people, I just wish we could find a decent group of people at some point, everyone seems so fucked up - said Ellie wistfully

\- They do, everyone seems very much lost in the old world mentality - said Lev

\- I wonder about that, is it just that we are all fucked up because of the infected or were we always fucked up? There is this guy at Jackson, he likes to give long monologues, particularly when he is drunk, about how humanity was a bit of a dick always, it’s some serious depressing shit He said he was studying to become a historian when the outbreak started so he knows what’s up - said Ellie

\- You think he’s right? - asked Lev and his tone of voice was sad

\- I don’t know, there are some people that mention that no, that collaboration is key for human development but I have to say that in my unlucky travels I haven’t seen much of that, apart from Jackson that is. I am still hopeful though, maybe after the cure things can get better, right? - said Ellie

\- May that become true - said Lev 

\- Well, Fireflies are collaborating with this Tampico group and then they are at the same time collaborating with another group somewhere in Canada, they say. So there is some collaboration happening - said Abby, finally feeling better

\- Well, at least there is that - said Ellie sounding a bit hopeful

\- Yeah, gotta look for the light, at least that was what dad used to say - remembered Abby

\- I guess he was right - said Ellie and looked nostalgic - Marlene did find a good motto... Joel used to say that you always find a reason to live. That time I thought I had lost mine but I guess I was wrong

\- Why were you thinking that? - asked Lev

\- Well, it was… I thought I had lost my purpose, I did find other reasons to live later but now I hope that that purpose can be achieved, finally - said Ellie with a nostalgic air. She looked at Lev then briefly at Abby - we should go

\- Yeah - said Abby, not really sure how to respond to those comments.

At some point she had to tell Ellie that Marlene was not such a nice person. It felt shitty to think about the dead in that sense but Abby was getting used to it after learning what she did about her dad. Dead or not, they were just people and it seemed Ellie had the wrong ideas about Marlene if she kept talking about her in that way. On the other hand, why did Abby care? It wasn’t really her business who Ellie cared about or not.


	22. Ellie

Ellie didn’t know what overcame her to share those things about herself now with these people. It was true that she had become a lot more open to them now and in general she had learned to not hide her fears or pains but she needed to remember these people were not her friends. It seemed somehow difficult to keep that in mind but then she did not want to stop herself from being her own self only because these people were not that close to her. She just had to find some sort of balance. She also needed to pay attention because this was a new place and they couldn’t know what kind of people they would find, if they found any.

They went scavenging and found that the area had a lot of supplies, and they were lucky to find crops that seemed recently abandoned. They hadn’t eaten fresh food in weeks. They were wondering where people were when a couple ran into them. They stared at Lev, Ellie and Abby and then raised their hands and waved at them. 

\- Hello strangers! Are you passing by? - asked the woman

\- Yes - replied Lev - just passing by

\- Well, we live nearby, maybe you want to join us, share some food, tell us about yourselves, we haven’t seen new people in a while

\- We’re thankful but we are actually in a hurry - replied Abby

\- Oh, that is such a pity - said the man - in any case, take these

He gave them fruits. 

\- These are quite good, you have to try them - said the woman smiling 

\- Are there no infected around? -asked Ellie confused

\- Infected? - the woman blinked - Oh, you mean the diseased? 

\- No need to worry about them - said the man

\- This is a peaceful town - said the woman

\- Yes, you just go ahead and go your way. Everything here is fine. May your path be blessed - said the man

The couple left after that strange goodbye. Ellie felt the hair in her back rise.

\- I think- Abby began to say

\- That we should get the fuck out? Totally there with you - interrupted Ellie

\- You believe these people are suspicious because they are religious? - asked Lev, slightly annoyed

\- No - said Abby - it’s because they said there are no infected, that is not possible, we saw infected even much further south so they are lying for some reason

\- Maybe they cleared the area - said Lev

\- It’s possible but they did seem fishy to me too, we should leave - said Ellie - what’s with calling them diseased?

\- I call them demons - said Lev

\- Well, to be honest that sounds actually accurate - replied Ellie - these folks sounded like they were talking about people with stomach ache or something

\- I see your point there, that did seem odd - mentioned Lev

To their surprise they did not find infected there, they found abandoned houses with lots of supplies, some looked like only recently emptied. Then they found more people that were equally calm and cheerful as the first couple. They invited them to stay, just as the other couple did and they rejected them just as they did before. They had to be careful though, these guys gave them the creeps and the most dangerous thing was they could still not really understand why. 

They kept walking and then found a farm with a huge house that seemed empty. It was becoming late and they thought that maybe if the place was indeed empty they could stay the night there. They went in and saw that it seemed someone was living there, at least until very recently. They called but no one answered them. It was eerily quiet inside but the house was big and they checked together and at least in the first floor there was no one but they saw blood going to the basement. Ellie decided to check downstairs. Abby was adamant in not letting Ellie go alone since the blood indicated that there was probably danger down there. Ellie gave her a tired look but Abby did not submit to the complaints and maintained her insistence. Abby asked Lev to stay there, he complained but she insisted again until he did not protest anymore.

\- Ok, but I’ll go first, what if there’s spores?

\- Fair point, but then shouldn’t you wear a mask regardless? What if someone sees you? They may still shoot you because they would think you were exposed

\- I can breath normally, nothing happens to me

\- Yes, we know but others don’t

\- I am not wearing a fucking mask, I don’t even have one on me now

\- That is so stupid! Why on earth aren’t you carrying one around?

\- When I left I was with Dina, is not like I hide this from her

\- Still, do you want to get shot and die like a pathetic ass? 

Ellie groaned and opened the door, went in and then quickly went out and then closed it again. 

\- There’s spores, if you are coming wear your mask

Abby looked at her as if she wanted to strangle her but wore her mask. 

\- I still think you should wear one, I am going to find one for you somewhere

\- Yeah, yeah, whatever - said Ellie dismissively

\- And I am going in front - commanded Abby, stopping Ellie and placing herself in front

\- Seriously?

\- Yes, stop complaining

\- You are not in the military anymore, you should chill, ok?

\- I am chill, it’s just you who is being-

Then Abby fell. The stairs were obviously not in good shape and broke. 

\- Abby! Are you ok? 

\- Yeah, something fell on top of me

\- Hold on, I’m going down

Then they heard them. Clickers. And something else. 

\- Fuck - both of them said

Ellie could not find something to go down so she just jumped on an infected and cut it with her knife and internally thanked Dina for her present. She heard Abby shooting at the clickers and runners. She saw that shelves with books and logs were on top of Abby and she could not move her legs but she was shooting at all the clickers and runners she could. Ellie started shooting and then hitting at them with a piece of wood until this broke. Then she found a bat and started using it too. She disposed of as many infected as she could and she managed to get to Abby and was trying to free her but then heard the ominous growl she had heard recently. It came from a room just next to them. An infected that seemed to be part shambler part clicker came to the room. Ellie thought fast, she had to keep it away from Abby otherwise she was done, if that thing threw acid at her that was it.

\- I’ll distract it, try to get free

\- Ellie - protested Abby but Ellie was having none of it

\- Shush it! - ordered Ellie

Ellie threw a molotov to the thing then shot at it several times in what seemed to be its head but that was not enough. So she ran and threw herself through a window, breaking it. She landed in another room and made as much noise as possible to attract the thing. It seemed to work since now she was being followed. Because her luck could always become worse she was also attacked by stalkers that came from the fucking walls and ceilings, she had to fight them while at the same time having to dodge the acid thrown by the merged infected. Eventually she eliminated them with bombs and molotovs. She used all her arrows on the runners that came to her because of course there were runners too.

The merged monster came apart and the shambler part eventually died after Ellie emptied almost all her bullets in it. But the clicker was still following her so she had to use whatever she found at hand. Ellie broke a bottle on its head and stuck it in its head, then pushed the clicker against the wall and cracked it’s head open. She saw a machete on the floor then and thought how unlucky she had been not to see it before. She had no bullets left and it seemed there were more infected because she still heard gunshots. Ellie went to the room where Abby was still stuck and just had finished breaking a runner’s head against another and was distracted by those two to notice a clicker was almost on top of her.

Adrenaline kicked in and Ellie reacted without thinking.

\- Get the fuck away from her! - Ellie shouted as loud as she could, trying to distract the clicker and just threw herself at it, tackling it.

She ended up on top of the clicker, who bit her arm but she cut it into pieces with her machete. Panting and exhausted, she approached Abby who was finishing taking that huge log on top of her. Ellie helped her to get free.

\- That was… - Abby seemed lost for words and was looking at her as if she had never seen her before

\- You are welcome - said Ellie

\- Thank you - said Abby

\- It’s ok, you would have done the same for me - said Ellie, trying to shrug it off because something about all that was making her uncomfortable and she could not really point out what it was. She moved to start searching for supplies.

\- Yes, I would - said Abby but her tone was feral, she sounded like she wanted to say “I would murder everyone for you”.

Ellie stopped in her tracks and looked up. She stared right at Abby in the eyes. The mask covered part of her face but she could see that the taller woman's whole attitude seemed to have shifted in that moment. Her tone, her eyes and her demeanor were so ferocious that Ellie fully believed then that she was indeed a wolf. Even when on the floor, in a vulnerable position that would have made anyone shit their pants Abby had remained focused and had managed to kill many infected, even with her bare hands. Ironically, the tone Abby used reminded her of Joel... and of Dina.

\- Let’s go and see if there are guns and bullets here somewhere - said Ellie, very invested in wanting to get away from this fucking basement and out of whatever the hell was 

happening right now.

\- Yes, let’s do that

Some stalkers came from the walls but it seemed that Abby was so pumped with adrenaline that she just cracked their head open with her hands. Ellie didn’t need to do a single thing. Then they checked for the place and saw that they were lucky these people had many bullets, supplies for bombs and even arrows. Probably to hunt in the small forest they had nearby. So they grabbed them all. Eventually they found the remains of what could have been an old man. He was probably the one who had been taken down by the infected. They found rope too, and Ellie grabbed it to use it later. 

Then Abby helped Ellie reach whatever was left of the stairs and get away and Ellie tied the rope to a sturdy table upstairs and threw the rope to Abby. Abby climbed and they closed the door with furniture. Then they saw Lev coming down the stairs and Ellie’s blood froze. He was trembling and covered in blood.

\- LEV! - yelled Abby


	23. Abby

\- I’m fine, it’s not mine - said Lev to their relief but he seemed shaken.

\- What happened? - asked Abby touching his face and searching for wounds or bites. She was feeling like an ass for letting him alone

\- It was… I went upstairs - he looked at his hands - there were many demons in the rooms

\- Why did you…? Ugh...I am so sorry Lev - apologized Abby - we got stuck downstairs, there were so many infected there

\- Yeah, she fell and stuff fell on top of her. There were several infected and there was even some sort of mutation, a shambler merged with a clicker, it was very hard to kill - said Ellie

\- I am glad you guys made it - said Lev, honestly

\- I am glad  **you** made it, you shouldn’t have atgone upstairs alone - said Abby angry at herself still but happy to confirm Lev was fine

\- It’s fine - said Lev in a conciliatory way - the only problem I have is that I had to use almost all that I had

\- Here - said Ellie opening her bag - I took more than I normally do. For you

Abby felt she could kiss Ellie right there.

\- No, you need them - said Lev, denying Ellie’s gift.

\- No, my backpack will break if I carry that much for so long, it was barely holding together as it was - insisted Ellie

\- Ok, thank you - and he put bullets in his backpack and saved some arrows.

\- We should get you cleaned - said Abby and they went to a bathroom and she grabbed a towel

Then Lev tensed while looking at Ellie and noticing her broken sleeve on her left arm. 

\- You are hurt - said Lev, turning to look at her 

\- Ugh … - complained Ellie, checking at her broken shirt and her new bite mark - another one really? This is the third one. Do any of you have a shirt? I need to cover this shit

\- No, but we should look for one, if they see you they will totally shoot at you - said Abby. 

\- There must be a clean one here somewhere - said Ellie and left

\- You can go and help her - suggested Lev

\- No, **you** need help - insisted Abby, while cleaning his head with a towel.

\- I am fine, just go and help her find something before someone comes in and shoots at her - said Lev, grabbing the towel from Abby and cleaning himself

\- But - complained Abby

\- Abby, if Ellie dies all of this was for nothing - interrupted Lev in a tone that indicated his patience was becoming thin

\- Are you sure you are ok? - said Abby, still feeling like shit for what happened.

\- Yes, I was just a bit shocked, there were so many of them at the same time and I was alone - admitted Lev, and grabbed some pieces of clothes he saw on the floor to continue removing the blood from himself.

\- I am so sorry, I fell and was stuck down there, I should have been there with you. Why did you go? - apologized Abby again

\- I wanted to check the place and If you had come with me, then Ellie would have been dead, you need to trust me - said Lev

\- I do trust you! That is not it, it’s just too dangerous sometimes 

\- Yes, but I can take care of myself and if Ellie died we travelled all this way for nothing, it was good you were down there with her - said Lev

\- Maybe… or maybe not, you shouldn’t underestimate Ellie, she is remarkable - recognized Abby

Lev stared at her strangely and said.

\- Is she? - said Lev in a suspicious tone - How so?

\- She is just very resourceful - elaborated Abby - and really agile, and she might be smaller but she is quite strong. You should have seen how she killed that merged fucker and then I was about to be eaten by a clicker and she just shouted and threw herself at it

Lev was nodding and indicating Abby could continue. 

\- I was distracted by other infected and she just threw herself at it like that and cut it to pieces with a machete. We had no more ammo so she just did that

\- I see - said Lev with knowing eyes and suddenly Abby felt she was being analyzed way too much by him. It was disturbing but she couldn’t really tell why at that moment.

\- Yeah - said Abby and scratched her neck, and then felt she needed an excuse to change the topic - I will go and help her then if you are fine. Are you really ok?

\- Go - said Lev and Abby smiled at him and went to look for clothes in his backpack. 

She found Ellie in a room with several dresses. All completely useless so they kept looking. Ellie opened a door and an infected came to her but Ellie kicked it and Abby smashed its head against the wall. 

\- Fuck this place - said Ellie

\- Can’t agree with you more - said Abby

Abby looked at Ellie’s arm. The bite was looking fine, by this moment another person’s bite would look worse already. When they noticed Ellie got bit Abby had to restrain herself from shooting at her. She saw that Lev had also tensed momentarily but it seemed both remembered at the same time that Ellie was actually immune. It was so bizarre that a minor inconvenience to Ellie was a death sentence to anyone else.

\- What? - said Ellie, noticing Abby was staring at her

\- It's just.. Nothing - said Abby

\- Yeah, if these people were immune right? - said Ellie sounding sour

\- No, I was… it's not easy getting used to your.. situation

\- That's a way to put it 

\- I was actually wondering about something else - Abby doubted if this was something Ellie would want to tell her but right now was as good time as any to ask about it

\- What? 

\- About your tattoo

\- Oh, this? - Ellie looked at it - what about it?

\- It’s… uhm, really pretty

\- Oh, thanks - she looked at Abby with a puzzled look then added - I didn’t make it actually, it was a former..

\- Lover? - completed Abby

\- Yeah, how did you know? Did I tell you? I don’t remember telling Lev either - said Ellie, looking more and more confused

\- I just think I recognize the awkwardness in your tone, that can only mean an ex

\- Yeah, maybe, it was years ago, no hard feelings with her or anything - said Ellie

\- Ok - said Abby then waited a while but finally asked - any reason why you wanted it there?

\- Yeah, to hide the chemical burn

\- You had an accident?

\- No, it’s - said Ellie - it was here that I got the first bite

Abby looked at where Ellie was pointing. 

\- Oh, I see, so how did the burn happen?

\- I did it myself

\- Oh, you really wanted to hide it

\- Yeah, it would be hard to explain to people why I got a bite, people would probably just shoot at me if they saw it so

\- You burned yourself… that must have been painful… but then on top of that a tattoo? Isn't that overkill? Wasn't it painful enough?

\- Well, yeah, a bit but it did not happen at the same time. First it was the burning and years later the tattoo… I think the tattoo looked better than the burnt skin so...

\- Sounds rough

\- Well, I did have fun with the artist so not so bad for me really - said Ellie, smirking and shrugging

\- I guess - said Abby smiling slightly, she was satisfied that she managed to lift Ellie’s mood 

\- Wow, we are maturing, aren’t we? - said Ellie

\- What?

\- You aren’t all squeamish about me talking about having adult fun and stuff - said Ellie, mockingly

\- Ugh -  _ this woman _ thought Abby and rolled her eyes, then she saw something underneath a shrug - Hey, here's a shirt, these guys aren't going to need it

Abby gave the shirt she had found to Ellie

\- Thanks - said Ellie looking at her in the eyes

  
Ellie was putting on the shirt when someone shot at her and barely missed her. Abby grabbed her gun and shielded Ellie from whoever was shooting at them. The room they were in was a mess and there was nowhere to hide but Abby was damned if she would allow whoever that asshole was to kill Ellie now. She would break in two anyone who dared menace Ellie’s life if she had to. 


	24. Ellie

\- Move! - yelled a man

\- No, please don’t shoot! - said Ellie, with Abby still in front of her, protectively.

\- Don’t you dare shooting - said Abby

\- Move! She’s not just diseased, she will turn, it’s worthless to wait, move! - he said moving his gun to gesture Abby to move

Abby used that distraction to her advantage and threw a shoe at his face then shot at his leg. She went to him and hit him in the belly and he doubled over in pain. Abby grabbed him and pushed him against a wall and was about to hit him to a pulp when Ellie finally managed to stop her, grabbing her hand, saying Abby’s name and shaking her head. Abby looked at her and luckily, that seemed to be enough and Abby lowered her hands. Ellie knew very well how capable was Abby of killing a man, she just didn't wish to witness how she killed someone that might just be innocent. She felt relieved that Abby stopped before spraying that man's brains in the wall.

Lev came and took his gun. Then pointed it at him

\- Fuck! - said the man - you people will kill us all

\- No we won’t, she is fine you are mistaken - said Lev

\- No, she isn’t, I saw the bite, before she put on the shirt, I haven’t seen you before but you are probably as brainwashed as the rest already

\- What do you mean? - asked Abby, letting the guy go

\- What do I mean? You are keeping an infected alive! Like the rest in this fucking town, that think there will be a cure and revert these people back to normal

\- Wait, you mean there are people here keeping infected guarded? - asked Ellie

\- Yeah, they will probably put you there with them, in the hospital and in the church. They keep any infected that used to be townspeople there. Are you telling me you don’t know?

They all shook their heads

\- Then why the fuck are you keeping that one alive then?

\- She wasn’t bitten by an infected - said Abby, and Ellie could tell she was thinking of a suitable lie - I bit her

Now that was a lie Ellie did not expect. Abby was foolish if she thought that Ellie was not going to use the next chance she got to tease her with that. In fact, she wasn’t technically lying, she had bit Ellie time ago. Ellie and Lev looked at each other and Ellie made a supreme effort not to laugh. 

\- What? - said the man, still not believing them

\- Yeah, we had a misunderstanding - said Abby, extremely uncomfortable 

\- Then why are you hiding it? - said the man sounding unconvinced

\- Because people will think what you think, plus this is private stuff - said Abby, who seemed to be shrinking out of the embarrassment 

\- Right - said the man, and it seemed he was suspicious in a different way now - you people have the worst kinks but then we should hurry, if someone comes and checks they will definitely be angry at you and me too

\- It's not- Abby tried to explain

\- Why? - asked Lev, which was a more important question than whatever Abby was attempting to say. 

Ellie just smiled at this point, poor silly Abby.

\- Because these people here think these - he pointed to the infected - were people that could be cured, so we better move and be quiet. My farm is close to this one, we can hide there and tomorrow leave immediately 

Abby helped the man and they left. The way to his place was full of mines they had to avoid. The man said he had placed them because he was sure one of these days their town was going to be infested with infected.

They reached his home and were coming in when someone pointed a gun at them. 

\- It's ok Grace, they are ok

\- The fuck they are, you are hurt - yelled the girl, who was probably 18 or so and had scars in her face and a bruised eye as if she had been in a fight recently

\- It was a misunderstanding, lower your gun

\- No!

\- Please - begged the man - these people can help us

The girl looked at them with mistrust in her eyes and for some seconds they didn't know if they would have to kick her.

\- Fine - said Grace, finally 

She lowered her gun but looked at them with murderous intent still. The man indicated to them to go downstairs. Grace helped to cure the man and he presented himself. He was named Bob and he had a bunker full of things ready to survive this and maybe another cataclysm. He told them that in his family they were always what was called preppers so he had plenty of stuff to survive but he believed the area was now too dangerous because of the people hoarding infected. He told them that the infected that they just killed were being hoarded in the basement and in some rooms and being taken care of by an elderly man. He told them that the man was probably eaten by these infected recently and that is how they escaped. They were running out of space in the hospital and the church and soon it was going to be much worse.

\- If it is so bad why are you still here? - asked Lev

\- Because we are getting ready to leave. I have almost everything ready but I heard gunshots and needed to go and see if these fuckers were finally rebelling against the rule of not killing infected. But it was just you guys - he drank a bit of his moonshine and said - you should probably come with us, we are going to another town, I have a cousin there. If we are a bigger group I think we have better surviving chances

\- Maybe - said Abby, sounding very unconvinced

\- You should - he was saying but then they heard someone knocking at his door. He gestured for them to remain quiet, 

\- I'm not going - whispered Grace adamantly

\- Don't worry, I'll go - said Bob and almost placed a hand on her but then stopped and grabbed a long trench coat instead. He put it on and then looked at Grace questioningly

\- It’s fine, you can’t see the wound like that

Bob nodded and went upstairs.

Grace looked at them with her gun still in her hands as if she had been assigned to guard prisoners. But she also looked as if the people who were knocking on the door scared her.

\- Good afternoon Bob, how are you? Are you feeling sick?

\- No, it’s just getting chilly - they heard him say

\- Oh, we were just checking on you

\- And wanted to ask if you saw something strange, Andreas reported some commotion at your neighbor's house

\- Really? How is old Martin?

\- Oh Bob, I am sorry to say that him and his family were slaughtered

\- What? Do you have any idea who did that? - said Bob, sounding shocked and angry. Ellie almost believed him

\- Well, Lulu and George said they saw three strangers entering today, and others reported seeing them too, so it might have been them

\- Well, you have to find them! - said Bob

\- Yes, they are probably unaware of our rules but that is not an acceptable excuse, they have to be made an example of

\- It is necessary - said the other voice

\- Well, I haven’t seen them but I hope you find them

\- I hope we do, have a good night Bob - said one of the voices

After a while Bob came down and told them they had 5 hours to sleep and they were leaving then. They left extremely early in the morning. Bob told them to hide in the back of his truck and put a blanket on top of them. It seemed things were fine but they went by the church and heard so many infected there and the door looked like it was going to give in any time soon. Bob hurried up and they reached the gates. Someone was there and talked a bit with Bob and tried talking with Grace but she did not talk at all. After more chit chat the men opened the gates. 

Bob was back in the car and had started it when they heard gunshots and people screaming at him that he had to stop. Which of course he didn't. They almost closed the gates but they managed to go through before the gates would close. Abby, Ellie and Lev saw no point in hiding anymore and started shooting at the people. They were followed briefly but saw that the infected in the church had broken free and started attacking the town people and following them too. They were just so many infected it was very unlikely that the town would survive. Now they had to shoot at people and infected. After a while they crossed a bridge and Ellie placed many bombs in the middle of the bridge. They left and the bombs were activated by the infected and blew up the bridge. After that it seemed they were in the clear, at least for a while. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! More OCs! In any case, there will have to be some since this story is in different places. Hope you guys don’t mind.


	25. Dina

Cat was painting a big mural at the side of the school when Dina went to pick JJ from there. She waved at Dina and went to her. Dina wondered what she wanted but out of courtesy she decided to wait and see. 

\- Hey, how are you doing? - asked Cat, seeming to be genuinely interested in the answer

\- I am fine, we are fine - said Dina dryly

\- Mom, Cat has been making that awesome drawing, have you seen it? - said JJ excitedly

\- Yes sweety, looks great

\- Mama Ellie’s drawings are better though

\- Ouch - said Cat - but I think you are right, she is better

\- Yup - said Dina, not very interested in this conversation - see you around

\- Wait, just wanted to say that if at some point you need to talk or…

\- Not gonna happen - said Dina

\- I am serious, I know we have never really talked but I think I can understand what it feels like

Dina raised one eyebrow and stared at her. The audacity to imply that in any way, shape or form Cat could understand what it felt like to lose Ellie twice! She had seen nothing of the shit Dina had seen, had zero idea about all the hell Dina and Ellie went through together.

\- I mean, not entirely I know but I just wanted to say my door is open if you need to talk - said Cat

\- Thank you for the offer - said Dina and left with JJ

They went home and JJ talked and talked about his favorite games and books. After a while he looked at Dina and asked.

\- Mom, why do you dislike Cat?

\- What? I don’t dislike her

\- Then why were you annoyed at her?

\- Well - Dina sighted - she was never a friend, and I think it is weird she is pretending now to be one

\- But, how can you tell if she can be a friend if you don’t try? Grandpa always says that you need to know someone then you can be friends maybe

\- True but sometimes you do know the person and you know somehow you are not good together

\- But grandpa also says that people can change

\- Also true but mom is tired now and sometimes it is hard to know if that person is really different now from what they were before

\- But why would she want to be nice suddenly then?

\- I don’t know sweety, sometimes people are weird like that

\- I don’t understand

\- To be honest, me neither - said Dina

\- Mom, you aren’t making any sense

\- It’s possible - admitted Dina

\- You just don’t want to try talk to her

\- Ok, I will try but, why are you so obsessed with me talking to her?

\- She is cool, she makes nice things. She's funny too

\- I am also cool and make nice things 

\- Sure but if she becomes your friend then I can maybe make cool drawings with her

\- Ok, you don’t need her for that, you can do it all on your own, you know?

\- I can?

\- Yeah, just grab some pencils and paper and draw

JJ looked at the room where the pencils and the paper were and looked sad.

\- But I don’t want to use mama Ellie’s stuff, she needs them, for when she is back

\- Oh sweety, I know - she hugged him - we will find others for you ok?

JJ cried a bit in silence but then nodded and Dina asked one of her friends that was going on patrol to bring pencil and paper if they found some on their way. It was becoming harder to discuss about Ellie these days but Dina still believed Ellie would come back. She wondered if Ellie was safe or if she had found other fucked up groups on their way. Dina knew that she was capable so she hoped it would all be fine. _Wouldn’t it be nice if, for a change, she could find some nice, decent people, that would be great_ thought Dina. If she could just know that Ellie was with good people that could help her, that would be so reassuring. Of course she had no way to know, she could only hope for the best.


	26. Ellie

_ We made it, Dina, we escaped! _ thought Ellie touching her bracelet. She wished she could talk to Dina and let her know she was safe. For now she had to conform to just enjoy the fact that they were alive. Later they found a house and cleared it from infected and decided to stay there to rest. 

\- You did good back there - said Bob to Grace and opened a bottle of his moonshine

\- You shouldn't drink - said Grace reproachfully

\- I'm fine

\- You are hurt and drinking makes you stupid

\- Maybe you are hurt as well - said Lev and reached to try and touch her back

\- Don't you fucking touch me! - yelled Grace and stood up

\- Sorry, I just wanted to help - said Lev 

Lev gestured at Abby to sit again, when Grace had yelled at him she immediately stood up and looked ready to beat the crap out of Grace.

\- I can do it alone - said Grace and grabbed a health kit

Grace looked at them in disdain and went to another room, grabbing her guns on the way there too. Bob sighted and scratched his head. 

\- Sorry about that, she's a good kid, she's just… She just went through a lot of shit recently - said Bob

\- Who hasn't? - said Abby - I still wouldn't jump on someone who wants to help me

\- Yeah… but it's different. You just don't try touching her and we'll be fine, ok - said Bob

\- Ok - said Ellie

She had a feeling that whatever happened to that girl it was better not to find out at the moment. If it was too private she would tell if she wanted to tell and it wasn't really any of their business. 

\- Is she your only daughter? - asked Lev

\- No, no, no. She's not. She's a niece. Never had any kids myself. Her parents and brothers died so I wanted to try and do the right thing, raise my sister's kid. Didn't do much good in protecting her but I'm all she has now. The rest of the family.. - he shook his head - they are… busy

\- She seems to care about you - noted Lev

\- She does. She's also a terrible liar and has always had trouble with the people in town and their beliefs. I somewhat managed to lie better but I guess they suspected me in the end

\- It was strange that the infected got free, weren't they locked? - said Ellie

\- Some people in that town, they would not even take the infected to the church, they would take care of them at home and then get bitten while trying to change 'papa' or 'grandma'. There's even some people who think that keeping them locked was abuse - said Bob 

\- People? You mean aunt Martha - said Grace who just came back

\- You don't know if it was her - said Bob

\- It was her, her son got bitten two days ago and she kept talking about how evil it was to keep a mother from her son, managed to convince others too - said Grace

\- So, someone freed them then? - said Ellie wanting to confirm her doubts

. Probably - admitted Bob 

\- Your town was really fucked - said Lev

\- Yeah - admitted Bob, slightly sad

\- Good riddance - said Grace dismissively.

Abby and Lev looked at each other but said nothing. Bob seemed like he wanted to argue but continued drinking instead. 

They went to sleep soon after that and left as soon as they woke up. 

Bob told them more about the town and the people in the way. It seemed they were convinced that one day there would be a cure and the infection could be reversed. Dina wouldn’t believe when she told her, the amount of strange fucks they had found in that trip was just amazing. She wondered if Dina would have trusted this guy and that girl had she been on the trip with them. Maybe she would have, she was very kind after all.

There was a small town they had to go through to get to the city and they went in there to try and grab food. Abby opened a door that was locked and a runner came on top of her and to their surprise Grace shot at it. Other runners came and they had to dispose of them. They would all probably need change of clothes soon, they ended up with their clothes drenched in blood. That small girl was a good shot and did her best to try and protect Bob, although he was doing quite well for someone who was hurt in his leg. They got in and saw this was some sort of library.

Ellie was checking some books, there was one of those about girls who loved each other and she couldn’t help but laugh a bit after looking at it. 

\- Didn’t know those were funny books - said Grace, who was standing behind her, but still keeping her distance

\- Oh, no, it’s just that it reminds me of someone - admitted Ellie

\- Those don’t usually end that well, better check this one instead - said Grace and pointed to another book

\- Is this one about superheroes? - asked Lev checking another book

\- That one is actually quite good, it’s about a superhero girl, she was misunderstood and people thought she was a boy but then she gets superpowers and she gets to be a supergirl - said Grace and for the first time her face was not contorted in anger or fear

\- Really? Sounds interesting, I should check it - said Lev keeping the book

\- Take that other one too, it’s the continuation - recommended Grace

\- Oh, thanks, you know a lot about these things it seems - said Lev

\- Yeah, grandma was a writer before all this shit came down, she wrote all sort of stories like that - said Grace looking wishful - we had many at home

\- That sounds really nice - said Ellie

\- It was, house burned down though and then I had to go to Bob’s - said Grace

\- Sorry about that - said Lev

\- It’s.. it was two years ago, it’s fine - said Grace, not sounding fine at all

Abby was checking for supplies in the next room and Bob had gone upstairs. Bob came from upstairs and said there were some pills and guns upstairs so they went to grab those. 

The following day they finally reached the city. There were many armed people on patrol and Bob said he knew a woman named Rebecca Ibsen and that seemed to grant them a pass and a deferential treatment. They were instructed to go to the court house.

\- We are just passing by - said Ellie - thank you

\- These are orders, not a suggestion - said the guards

\- Come on, these guys helped me, I wouldn't have made it without them - said Bob

\- You still have to go see her

\- Ok, no need to be grumpy, we'll go - said Bob and they left

Back in the car they drove uncomfortably

\- I'm sorry, my cousin was always a hardass. I didn't know she had become much worse with the years

\- She's an asshole - said Grace - always going on and on about justice but her type of justice. 

Ellie, Lev and Abby stared at each other and remained alert. 

They reached the courthouse, which had some words painted: peace and justice. Rebecca Ibsen seemed to be a kind but hard woman. She received them gladly and invited them to eat with her. Ellie felt extremely uncomfortable with all this so she grabbed her drink and pretended to drink it but went to the windows and pretended to be admiring the place. She whistled what she hoped was an alarm whistle and tried to sound as if she was singing a tune. They all stared at her but said nothing.

Rebecca was going on and on about how important justice is to managing peace and how they were a just community and invited them to stay but Abby refused politely. The woman seemed unfazed by this and when Abby stated that she was sleepy they were directed to some rooms. Bob started to protest but Rebecca’s men took him away and Grace followed Bob quietly. 

\- I hope you didn't drink that - said Ellie to them

\- No, I heard you - said Lev

\- I had to, at least three of them were staring at me and insisting I drink, they had their hands in their guns - said Abby slurring - we were surrounded

Ellie grabbed a recipient and put it in front of Abby

\- Make yourself puke

\- What? 

\- Just do it

Abby did it reluctantly. It didn't seem to help because she was still very sleepy so they kept trying. 

Eventually they gave up. Abby wasn't asleep but was very tired.  _ That would have to do _ , Ellie thought. Lev noticed the doors were locked but found a way to climb to the exhaust and suggested to them to escape through there. It was difficult with a drowsy Abby but they tried anyway. 

They heard people talk about a visit they were receiving that day and they wondered if they meant them. At some point they saw they had to climb down to a room and they tried to do it as quietly as possible. In the next room was Rebecca having a meeting. They heard a man talking with her.

\- I really appreciate your collaboration - said the man

\- Collaboration is the key to our survival but you are aware we have rules here - replied Rebecca

\- Yes, I know there will be a trial

\- And if found guilty she will be put to death

\- She will be found guilty. Me and another, we saw her betraying us

\- I thought you said it was five of you

\- Some of them died on the way here. We went through a town that was filled with infected, it was terrible

\- Oh yes, my cousin told me of this town, I thought he mentioned he blew out the bridge

\- Yeah, we had boats

\- I see, you came truly prepared

\- We did

\- I need you to clarify to me something that I consider important, is your leadership to that group not in jeopardy? Weren't the people that accompanied you now your most trusted people

\- What do you mean?

\- There's only four of you in your group now in here

\- Of course I'm still their leader, I'm traveling to find collaborators and was told you are trusted, are you out not?

\- Of course I am. Now, do you want to see this woman or not? 

Ellie and Lev looked at each other and whispered their agreement to escape as quickly as possible. However that couldn't be because they were spotted by some men and had to try and make a run for it. Which was hard in Abby's condition. They had to shoot their way through. Ellie used her smoke bombs to distract them and they managed to get to the street. 

The man who had been talking with Rebecca came to them and started shooting at them. They runned and despite what Ellie had believed, she had to shoot to kill because these people were relentless. The former wolf in particular was intent on killing Abby, they fought until they reached a car and were trying to make it work when someone took Abby by the arm and tossed her out of the car. Other men came and Ellie and Lev had to fight them, which they tried to do quickly because Abby was still not completely fine. 

Even in her state Abby was so strong she managed to fight the man and punch him quite badly, he was bleeding but still alive and it seemed taking him down was going to take too much time so when Lev and Ellie were done with the other men they dragged Abby to the car and insisted on leaving. Abby shot at the guy but then other men came to them and tried to grab Abby. 

The men were surrounding them but then other people started shooting at these guys and Abby was free again. Ellie and Lev took down the rest and then they saw who helped them. 

\- Why? - asked Ellie

\- I hated these people - said Bob shrugging and went into the car.

Grace said nothing but sat next to him and Ellie drove as fast as she could.

They were driving away but they were being followed. Ellie was driving and shooting while Lev, Bob and even Grace were shooting at the people who were following them. Abby was trying to shoot but her aim in this state was poor. 

Turns out the man survived, since Abby had not been able to shoot at his face, so he followed them and shot at them for several blocks. Ellie grabbed a Molotov and managed to aim it right at his face. The men inside screamed while the car hit a building that crumbled on top of it. They hoped that was the end of him. But the others were still following them so Ellie gave her explosive arrows to Lev, who had perfect aim and, together with Grace and Bob, he managed to dispose of most of them. Abby seemed to be more awake and she also shot the guys who were in the streets trying to stop them. Somehow they managed to lose these guys but they continued driving like mad until the city was as far away as possible. 

They were properly exhausted from all the disaster they had gone through since early morning. The car was empty of gas so they left it and walked to some gas station. After disposing of some infected they closed everything and went to sleep. 

Ellie dreamed of Dina and JJ on the farm. They were dancing with Dina and she almost believed she was finally back with her. When she woke up she was so disappointed she cried for a while in frustration. She then opened her notebook and wrote to her, promising she would be back soon. She made a drawing of Dina and hoped she was well. She hoped all this would be worth it, that a cure would be possible and that JJ could really grow up in a better word than this fucking mess she was living in now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not a doctor so I am unsure about how these things work but anyway hope you enjoyed this.  
> Also, if you got the reference of the book Grace mentioned, yay! I know it was published in 2017 but this is fiction so let’s pretend it was published earlier.


	27. Abby

In a way, it had been good that Ellie had stopped Abby before she hit Bob to a pulp since they escaped that fucking town thanks to him but after they ended up reaching that weird Justice lady Abby thought maybe it wouldn’t have been bad to hit him a bit more. But Abby knew she couldn’t have done it. When she was about to hit him as strongly as she could and Ellie grabbed her hand and called her name, begging her to stop, that had been the end of it. She saw the fear in Ellie’s face and that made her stop immediately. For some reason that look felt painful to Abby. She couldn’t help but feel some parallels to their first meeting, Abby beating Joel to a pulp while Ellie looked in desperation. It was a terrible memory. Abby did not want to be the cause of such distress to Ellie ever again in her life.

Not only that, but Bob then had helped them again and now they were safe but Abby did not like to have this guy and that annoying angry girl with them. And of course it was not his fault that his relatives were assholes but they did manage to make them waste even more time. Now, they were so fucking out of the way it wasn't even funny. Luckily the place they found had two bedrooms and now Bob and Grace were in the other bedroom and seemed to be still asleep. She wanted to have some privacy with her people before having to deal with those two again.

She thanked Lev and Ellie for saving her, she hadn't expected to be followed so far away from Seattle. 

\- At least these guys are dead now, aren't they? - said Ellie

\- You mean the surviving wolves? Yeah, they didn't make it - she felt slightly regretful that she had something to do with how bad it all ended in Seattle

\- Hey - said Ellie - had they had the chance they would have killed you on the spot, that guy was bullshiting to that Rebecca, he was never going to follow some due process shit

\- I know - said Abby - they are not my group and all that but I wish things hadn’t ended that badly. I wish Isaac had heard me

\- Some people don’t listen - said Lev - but does it really make sense thinking about that? I wish I had listened to my sister but I didn’t. What is done is done

\- Yeah, you are right, I know but you know… before all that, Isaac had actually asked me to be a part of the team to attack the island, I would have been there…

\- But you weren’t, had I not shaved my head I would have been on the island fighting against you, but that didn’t happen - said Lev - you have to let it go

Abby looked at Lev gratefully.

\- I should, shouldn't I?- said Abby

\- You should - said Lev

\- How is your arm? - asked Abby to Ellie

\- It’s fine - Ellie looked at it and showed them - see, almost like new

Abby and Lev looked at it in surprise, indeed it seemed like it was getting much better. It was still amazing how Ellie’s body could recover that fast from a clicker bite, so they stared at it almost solemnly. That seemed to make Ellie feel as if she was an alien because she started to look very uncomfortable. 

\- Hey, this wasn’t all that bad - said Ellie, and Abby knew in that moment, looking at Ellie's smirk that she was about to say something obnoxious, probably to change the topic - I mean, we escaped, we are mostly fine and now I know your kink, so, pretty informative

\- What?! - said Abby confused

\- That you like biting people, nothing to be ashamed of - said Ellie jokingly - you said it yourself, to that Bob guy

\- Stop - demanded Abby

\- What are you going to do, bite my head off? - joined Ellie

\- That's just… - Abby hid her face in her hands, that joke was so bad

\- Hey Abby, do you bite your fingernails? Maybe if you do you won't be able to stop, because you'll always have them on hand

\- You know what? Maybe the world doesn’t really need saving if I have to endure this shit - said Abby slightly amused but also kinda tired of Ellie’s style of jokes

\- No pain, no gain, that’s what they say - said Ellie

\- Who? - asked Lev

\- It’s just a saying - replied Ellie shrugging and smiling. 

With her hand still in her face, she moved her hand a bit and looked at Ellie in the eyes. She could just see in Ellie’s eyes that she was planning on torturing her more with insufferable puns.

\- Please make her stop - whispered Abby to Lev, taking advantage that her hand was still hiding her mouth 

\- Ellie, you have to teach me how to make those arrows - said Lev, masterfully changing the topic.

\- No problem, let me show you, I actually learned more thanks to Dina, you know she is a genius - said Ellie and started explaining.

Abby sighted in relief, glad Lev’s distraction worked on Ellie. That woman was so annoying but she knew how to craft all sorts of explosives. She could also talk about Dina ad nauseam. Lev was amazingly never tired of her babbling but then Lev was the most patient in the group. When Lev and Ellie finished discussing bombs Abby thought it was time to talk about something more difficult.

\- So, what are we going to do now? - said Abby

\- What do you mean? - asked Lev

\- About those two - said Abby, pointing at the other room

\- I don’t know really, maybe we tell them where we are going, see if they want to join. - said Lev - it seemed to be a safer place than any of those two cities we have recently been in

\- Yeah, safety in number and all that - said Ellie

\- I don’t know, I don’t like the guy - admitted Abby

\- Don’t know about him but don’t like you either - said Grace who was standing by the door

No one had heard her, not a single creak, she might be as good at stealth as Ellie was.

\- Likewise - said Abby, unfazed

Bob came to the door and he was not at all as discrete as Grace was.

\- Ok, ok - said Ellie, trying to be conciliatory - we just need to talk first, and see if you want to join afterwards

\- Let’s do that - said Bob, interrupting Grace, who was about to talk

\- Well, we are going South, to a city named Tampico, if you want, you can join us - said Lev

\- I think we can follow you part of the way and we see, maybe on the way there we find a place for us - said Bob, looking at Grace

Grace looked like she regretted not murdering Abby in her sleep. 

\- What the fuck is up with you? I don’t want trouble on the way, we need to get to that place and you, I am still annoyed at you for trying to kill Ellie - said Abby looking at Bob and then at Grace - but you, you make me really uncomfortable

\- Abby, you know why he did that it was a misunderstanding - said Ellie

\- Yeah, I thought she was infected, it’s clear after all this time she wasn’t and you two just like weird stuff - said Bob

Abby didn’t even look at Ellie but she knew that right now she was smiling and wished she could make her stop somehow. 

\- Yeah, we are very kinky people - said Ellie and grabbed one of Abby’s arms and held her close, playfully 

Abby shook her off. Ellie just laughed, mocking at Abby’s embarrassment

\- Stop it

\- She’s just shy - said Ellie to them - she's very private, that's all

Ellie then teasingly put her fingers in Abby's arm and walked them upwards as if her hand was a spider. Abby shook her off as if she was indeed a spider. She had the impulse to smash her like a spider too but she couldn’t go ahead and break Ellie’s other hand. She had already done enough damage to one of her hands.

\- I see, she gets embarrassed quite easily - noted Bob

\- Oh, that reminds me. Do you know why the tomato turned red? 

All shook their heads

\- Because it saw the salad dressing - replied Ellie smiling

Ellie seemed like she was having a blast. She was full of mischief while saying those things and looking at Bob and Grace, who looked at each other and shrugged.

Abby stared at Ellie as if she wanted nothing more than to push her off a cliff at that moment. Ellie looked at her and winked. 

\- Stop testing me - said Abby to Ellie

\- I’m not, _cutie pie_ , you need to chill, ok? Here, have some food - said Ellie - an empty stomach always makes you angry

\- Did you make this? - asked Abby grabbing the sandwich that Ellie was giving her

\- I did - said Lev - someone needed to think about food while you were talking nonsense

\- Ok then, thanks - said Abby and ate

\- What is that supposed to mean? - said Ellie pretending to be annoyed

\- You can’t cook for shit - said Abby to Ellie

\- Excuse me, I am an average cook, and you have been eating whenever I happen to cook anyway - said an indignant Ellie

\- I need to eat to stay alive - said Abby and shrugged

\- They even discuss like a married couple - Bob was mumbling to Grace

Grace just nodded and said nothing while she ate the sandwich Lev gave to her. If Abby had heard that maybe Ellie did too, so she looked at Ellie, who sent her a kiss and smiled. 

_This woman_ , thought Abby and sighed.

\- There’s one thing that disturbs me, I don’t get you - said Abby, looking at Grace - why did you help us if you clearly dislike us

\- I didn’t say I dislike all of you, just you in particular - said Grace looking at her ferociously - Ellie and Lev are fine and Bob wanted to help, and thanks to you he is hurt so of course I have to tag along, I can’t let him get himself killed

\- We are thankful for your help - said Lev, interrupting Abby who wanted to continue yelling at Grace - but why did you help us?

\- I felt guilty. I insisted on taking you there and then my cousin tricks you with some drink and tries to put you in court and judge you over something. It wasn’t right, I think I am tired of letting bad things happen to people near me - admitted Bob then looked at Grace - I have been a coward for way too long

\- You did what you could - said Grace in a low voice and crossing her arms

\- No, I didn’t - said Bob

\- Nevermind that, if you want to follow these people - said Grace - we follow them, that is it

She picked her bags and left the house. Abby and the rest did the same and on the way decided to try and avoid big human groups. There were several infected on the way but they managed. This situation was not what Abby wanted but at least both Bob and Grace could take care of themselves because she sure as hell was not risking Lev or Ellie to save any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some internet issues last week and could not upload the chapter, will try and upload two chapters this week if there is time


	28. Ellie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of sexual assault

Dina would have probably wanted to slap Grace had she ever met her but would have maybe hit it off just fine with Bob. They were strangers but even then they helped Ellie, Abby and Lev escape. It was clear to Ellie that Grace had gone through some fucked up shit. Even when at times she seemed slightly vulnerable and Bob wanted to comfort her he did not dare touch her. Ellie felt sorry for her and hoped they could all make it to Tampico safely. 

They managed to avoid cities for a while but then they realized they were running out of supplies, they reluctantly decided to go into the next city to collect those. The plan was to collect supplies and then try to leave and avoid people but sadly this did not happen. There were too many infected they tried to avoid and had to dispose of quietly. They found a building with lots of guns and some food supply and they blocked the entrance in case more infected or people roamed around. When they wanted to try and unlock it they checked outside first and saw that it was just too full of infected in front of the building. So they tried to find another way out. 

Sadly for Abby, it seemed their best way out would be trying to cross to the building next to it, go down and leave on the other side. There was a ladder that they used to cross to the other building. Lev went first, then Ellie, then Grace, then Bob and finally Abby. She breathed in and out and crossed the ladder and Ellie cheered her when she got to the other side. Abby seemed a bit annoyed but it was obvious she was trying to suppress a smile. 

\- No wonder I dislike you, your girlfriend is all supportive and you respond like an ass - murmured Grace

\- I heard that - said Abby - she’s not-

\- Oh, I am used to it, Abby is just very reserved, don’t feel sorry for me - said Ellie, nonchalantly 

\- How come someone so cheerful can be with someone so dull? - asked Grace

\- Is your sight failing you? She’s far from dull, have you seen her face, her legs or her arms? - Ellie whistled appreciatively. 

Abby sighed and rolled her eyes. She was so easy to tease! It was obvious now she was terribly embarrassed. The being a couple charade was working for Ellie, she had vast experience in embarrassing others. The best part was that there was no attraction whatsoever between them, so there was no risk in keeping this charade.

Later that day, they reached a room that seemed to have once been used to hoard food and they started checking what could be used or not. Ellie was kneeling and checking a pile of pea cans and then she realized someone came to her and kneeled by her side. It was Abby.

\- Can I ask you what are you doing? - whispered her, looking back, making sure people were far away from them

Ellie blinked, confused by the question.

\- Trying if canned food can be used as weapons? What does it look like I'm doing? - said Ellie

\- Not that, you asshole - replied Abby

\- Then what? Do you have something against canned food? Personally, I'd give it an ate out of tin

\- Can you stop for just one second? I'm trying to ask about you pretending to be with me in front of these people

\- Well, I am actually physically with you right now, for example

\- Ugh! - grunted Abby and put a hand in her face in exasperation - I want to know why are you doing this pretending to be my girlfriend shit, just tell me

\- Well, you were the one who said you bit me, I mean you weren't lying technically, it was just a stretch regarding the moment it did happen

\- I didn't come up with anything else at the time ok? I didn’t plan for _this_

\- And that's fine, so we can keep the charade for a while, so they won't suspect and we won't have to explain. 

\- Isn't this annoying for you?

\- Nah, it's fun - said Ellie shrugging - besides both you and I know that's never going to happen, I mean I reckon with the fact that I am not a man and shit, it's not like we are actually ever going to be together

Ellie looked at Abby when she said this, she had a very strange expression that Ellie interpreted as disapproval.

\- Com'on, I'm not hideous either, are you that disgusted by the thought? In any case… it's just a bit of fun, I'm not actually trying to get you to like me - said Ellie honestly

Abby sighed and then nodded. 

\- Fine… just for fun but don't over do it

\- Ok, boss - said Ellie jokingly

Abby just rolled her eyes and then helped her pick up the food and check if it was still in good condition. Ellie still made a couple of jokes that day about Abby and her but tried to keep it light and she didn't touch Abby unless necessary, to help her climb somewhere or to indicate a feeble floor, nothing more. Despite trying to time it down, Bob seemed to be nostalgic that day.

\- Ah. Young love is so sweet - said Bob, sighting - so new, so innocent

\- Uhm, they aren't that young - commented Grace, in her trademark sour tone

\- Ah, but one can be young at heart and only the foolishness of young lovers would make them do what they do - said Bob

Abby and Ellie looked at each other in confusion. Maybe Bob had drank too much. 

\- What are you on about? - asked Ellie

\- Well… I can only imagine that the recklessness of a blossoming new relationship is what drove you both to imagine it was a good idea to act on the strange inclinations you both share

\- Wow, what are you talking about? - said Ellie defensively, this was getting into bigoted territory

\- The biting kink! - said Bob - who on earth would bite another person considering all the implications? Anyone would have assumed you had been bitten by an infected and would shoot you

\- I have to agree - said Grace and looked at Abby - if you have a kink then go for it but you should have at least bitten her somewhere no one else can see, that wasn't smart at all

Ellie tried not to laugh. Abby just grunted but said nothing. 

\- We'll be more careful - lied Ellie

Abby looked at her disapprovingly. Ellie went to Abby and whispered in her ear.

\- You started this 

\- I did not such thing - whispered Abby

\- Yeah you did, maybe it is indeed your kink and you are mad because now everyone knows - whispered Ellie

\- Shut the fuck up - whispered Abby

\- Oh, I sense some anger, is it because your secret is out? Look at that frown, com'on don't be such a bad sport - whispered Ellie

Abby turned to give her a look that, had it been possible, would have killed Ellie on the spot but Ellie only winked at her so Abby rolled her eyes and continued walking. 

\- Ellie, you are starting to look like someone whose face could be improved by a fist - whispered Abby

\- Oh, so now you are into fisting? Naughty - teased Ellie while raising an eyebrow, still whispering

\- You know what, Ellie? I don't need you to be conscious to get you to Tampico so think about that before you continue with this - whispered Abby menacingly. 

Abby looked like she was joking, perhaps her style was slightly violent but Ellie knew she didn't really mean it. Regardless she raised her hands in defeat and stopped talking but she still smiled at her devilishly. Abby shook her head but she could see Abby was also smiling.

The upper floors in the building were fine but the lower they went the worse it seemed to be. At some point they all had to wear masks and now Ellie could not even fight this absurd disposition because there was Bob and Grace there. One of the doors was stuck so Abby forced it open and when she did a clicker jumped on top of her. Lev swiftly ended it with a machete but more infected were attracted by the noise so they had to fight their way through until they reached another door they could block behind them. 

They went further down but then there was that strange growth on the walls and on the ceiling they knew had something inside just waiting for them to pass near to open and let an infected fall on top of them. Abby used a flamethrower and burned them before they could have a chance to open and they runned for the door. Bloaters and shamblers came to them and they all had to fight their way out of there. Infected kept coming and falling from the ceiling and they kept running and shooting at them. 

Suddenly they heard a strong growl and then an infected that seemed to be made of at least three other infected came to them. They shot at it, threw fire and molotov but the thing persisted. Ellie noticed that he seemed to be fumigating the place with spores but then the infected went after Grace. Bob pushed Grace to the side and tried to attack it with a machete but then he started screaming and Grace went to him but he yelled at her not to come near. The infected was not throwing spores, he was spilling acid intermittently. They all watched in horror as Bob’s body burned and part of it melted into the ground making a grotesque sight. Ellie and Lev shot explosive arrows at the infected, then Abby threw more fire at it. The thing divided into three and they were soon separated while trying to eliminate these parts. Ellie used everything she had at hand, even chairs, and pieces of furniture and finally killed the clicker that came out of it.

She went to check and saw that the others had disposed of the bloater and the shambler that came out of that thing. They checked each other and it seemed that no one was bitten. Grace was standing in front of what was left of Bob, her body fully covered in blood and infected body parts. Grace kneeled, hovered her fingers on top of his face then stood up and followed them in silence. 

\- I am sorry for your loss - said Lev

Grace looked at him briefly then nodded and continued walking. 

\- We should bring him and bury him - said Lev

\- He didn’t believe in that - said Grace

\- Still - insisted Ellie

So they did. They buried him outside the building, in an open space that actually had a nice view. It was sometimes ironic how placid and beautiful some natural areas were, even when in proximity to other areas that were full of atrocities. Grace looked at the grave for a while and they let her have some moments before they continued. 

They searched for more supplies and left the city. They found a place to rest that had three rooms and Ellie showed one of the rooms to Grace. She told her she could have one of the rooms for herself if she wanted. Grace thanked her and Ellie was about to leave when Grace talked.

\- He tried to protect me, he really did, he might have tried to kill you and maybe you disliked him but he was a good guy

\- I didn’t dislike him - admitted Ellie

\- Well, your friend Abby does - said Grace angrily and looked at her. 

\- She’s not… - _Abby, a friend?_ Ellie thought and then sighted

\- Oh, your girlfriend, I forgot

\- No.. - Ellie had probably been taking the charade for too long, Grace had truly believed they were together like that but Abby and Ellie were not - she’s... she is just a bit… intense, overprotective 

\- I guess I can understand that, Bob was the only family I had that gave two shits about me and he did become overprotective after… that

\- Do you want to talk about it?

\- No - said Grace - maybe, if it’s you…

\- Why?

\- You have the eyes of someone who understands this… 

\- Yeah… - Ellie could understand but she didn't like to remember about _that_

\- Ugh, I don’t know if I want to talk… but now no one else knows why I hated that town. Somehow I wanted someone to know 

\- It’s fine, you talk about it if you need, if you feel like you don’t want to then you don’t - said Ellie and waited, it seemed like Grace wanted to continue talking

Grace sighed and remained quiet.

\- I was attacked - said Grace, finally - by many men, some of them from that church group who believed infected could be cured. They were important people, Bob couldn’t really do anything but he felt guilty, felt he should have defended me, avenge me, some bullshit like that

\- I am so sorry - said Ellie in horror

\- Don’t be, I am not the only one and probably won’t be the last one either - said Grace looking at the floor

\- Just because it happens to others it doesn’t mean you have no right to feel bad about it - said Ellie

Grace looked at her and started tearing up, then nodded and sat up. Ellie sat next to her and let her cry. 

\- Next town we find, I am staying there - said Grace once she finished crying

\- You can still come with us to Tampico

\- No - said Grace - that was Bob’s idea, I much rather find a place and make it mine

\- Years ago - remembered Ellie - I met a guy who lived alone in a town, it was a very difficult life

\- I don’t care, I am not that guy, I am myself and even if I think you seem to be a good person, I have been deceived before, I think I rather be alone - said Grace

\- Ok, as you wish - said Ellie. 

Ellie wasn't really expecting that they would find the next town so fast but they did. They were grabbing supplies when Grace saw a big house and went in. They followed her and cleaned the place from infected. She saw that there seemed to be enough supplies that they couldn't really grab it all. They were gathering their things to leave when Grace told them very unceremoniously that she would stay.

\- You are not serious - said Lev

\- I am - said Grace

\- But there is nothing here - said Ellie

\- There is plenty, this house is big enough I can make it safe, I will be fine here - said Grace

\- If you come with us you can be safer - said Lev

\- Not that is my business but these two are right, you would be safer with us - said Abby

\- Nowhere is safe, not totally and this place is comfortable - said Grace

\- But - complained Ellie

\- I said I would stay, you have somewhere to go, so go - interrupted Grace and turned to go upstairs

\- I am sorry about you uncle, he was a good man - said Abby

Grace stopped then said.

\- Yeah, he was

\- Please come - said Abby, 

Ellie was surprised. All this time Abby had seemed like she wanted nothing more than to get rid of both Bob and Grace. Ellie was not clearly sure why she was now begging Grace to stay with them. Abby had seemed like she believed she didn’t owe that guy anything but she was still trying to take care of this girl for him. 

\- Why? - asked Grace

\- We think you can be safer with us - said Abby

\- If we stay together, we have more chances of surviving - insisted Lev

\- Thank you - said Grace - but I really prefer to stay. Besides, you yourself said that after arriving you will have a lot of trouble leaving the place. If I go with you and I want to abandon that place maybe I won’t be able to

\- That is a possibility, yes - admitted Lev, defeated

\- Yeah, you told me - said Grace, then sighed - have a safe trip

Then she went upstairs. Ellie was going to protest more but Abby shook her head. Ellie also felt this was a lost cause. Lev said a prayer and then they gathered all their things and left, feeling heavy hearted.


	29. Abby

Abby felt very sorry for Grace and Bob but hoped this time there wouldn't be more distractions. When Ellie told her what Grace had decided to do she felt slightly bad about it but also slightly relieved. It was already hard enough having to worry about Lev and Ellie, having another girl to worry about was too much. However when Grace did stay back it was hard for all of them to leave but her mind was made and nothing they could say would have changed it. It took them a couple of days to recover a bit of the sense of humor they had before. Abby actually thought the heavy feelings would carry on until they were in Tampico. Ellie would talk about Bob and Grace with Lev but Abby didn’t see why they needed to do that, she didn’t like how she felt when she remembered them. Lev would try to discuss it with her but Abby would only ask him for time, she wanted to try and focus on moving on and accomplishing what they had set out to do.

Abby tried to focus on the positive side of the situation. With Grace and Bob no longer with them, Ellie had dropped the pretense they were dating, so she no longer teased her mercilessly about how fit she was and how good was her body or some shit like that. It had been bothersome for long, in particular because part of her had started to be confused since sometimes Ellie sounded like she really believed what she was saying but of course she was just being annoying. She had said as much, there was no way considering that neither was attracted to the other.

They camped at an abandoned shopping mall. They cleaned what might at some point have been a store and to their surprise they did not really find that many infected in there. Abby was checking a store that seemed like in the past had sold several knives or something. She saw one that could be of interest for Lev, in the picture of the box where the knife was there was a person carving something with the knife. Maybe this was the sort of thing that could be useful for him if he needed to make more arrows, she remembered his old knife was in very poor shape so she took the knife and put it in her pocket. She was just finishing with one of the rooms when she heard Lev and Ellie talk. Again they were discussing Bob and Grace so she pretended to be busy until they had both seemed to have talked about enough and changed the topic. When Abby’s dad had died she had never stopped thinking about him, talking about him, pestering others about it. Now that she had suffered so many other losses in her life, she felt that talking about them all the time was not something she enjoyed that much. Sure, she liked to remember nice things about Nora, Manny and Owen but these recent losses and how terribly bad had Bob died and how conflicted she felt about Grace… she did not know if she wanted to go there yet. Maybe in time but just not now.

\- You know these places, they used to be full of people before, in the time before the infected - Ellie was saying

\- Were they? How do you know? - asked Lev

\- Joel told me, Tommy mentioned it too. People would come here to buy lots of things, to eat, to go to the movies

\- Wait, someone mentioned this at the camp, that was when the people had to eat popcorn, right?

\- Well, I don’t know if they _had_ to eat anything but it was what some people did, that or candy

\- I thought it was part of the ritual, movies and popcorn

\- Ritual? Wait, has Abby been telling you this shit?

\- No, it was someone from the camp

\- I think they were pulling your leg

\- No, they didn’t do that, what would they accomplish by that? It’s not like I can become taller

\- Uh? What?... Lev, that’s an expression, it means they were messing with you

\- Oh, even after all these years I keep finding those slightly confusing 

Abby felt this was a safe topic so she approached them and tried not to laugh at Lev and his neverending confusion with idioms. It wasn’t his fault he had been raised in a village where people had such aversion for the _old world_ they even attempted to speak differently from the rest.

\- Hey - said Abby going to Lev - here, this is for you

\- Thank you, this looks cool - said Lev happily

\- See, you are already getting better at this - said Abby

\- Yeah, that was almost the first one you taught me

\- It was, wasn’t it? - Abby wasn’t sure she hadn’t used others in front of him before that one

\- Hey - said Ellie

Abby looked at her. She was extending her hand.

\- What about me, no present for me?

Abby looked at her in confusion and noticing the smirk in her face she knew that she was joking again. _Well, at least we are in a good mood,_ thought Abby, slightly relieved they weren't in mourning anymore.

\- Nah, you already have your knife

\- Not fair, I am noticing some favoritism here - said Ellie, crossing her arms and pretending to be angry

She tried really hard not to laugh but Ellie’s pouting face was just too much. 

\- Ok, let’s go back to this knife store and see if we find something for you - Abby conceded

\- I’m just fucking with you, I don’t need another knife

. Take another just in case, ok?

\- Nah, I’m fine with this

\- I am not telling you to throw that one away, just to have a back up

Ellie seemed to ponder this for a while then she nodded in agreement so they went to the store again.

\- So, is that knife really important, then? - asked Lev, always direct

\- Yeah, Dina gave it to me, she is so sweet

Ellie laughed and Abby couldn’t help but roll her eyes. _Here we go, another lovey dovey story about Dina_ , thought Abby.

\- She actually gave it to me that day you guys came, she had repaired something for some stragglers that went by. They gave her this in exchange - she showed her knife proudly - Did I mention she is so smart?

\- You did - said Lev

.- Repeatedly - added Abby looking at the knives

\- Oh… do I sense some jealousy? Do you miss our little couple’s game? - joked Ellie

\- Not in a million years - said Abby, starting to get tired of Ellie

\- Admit it, you loved it - teased Ellie

\- No fucking way in hell - said Abby

\- You both played it quite well, I would have been fooled - admitted Lev

\- See, even Lev can appreciate our efforts - said Ellie

Abby looked at Lev. _Traitor_ , she thought. He just shrugged.

\- Seriously, why did you do that? - asked Abby

\- Told you! So that they wouldn’t shoot me? - Ellie shrugged - You started it, you invented that you bit me so…

\- It’s my fault now? You were the one exaggerating the whole deal - complained Abby

\- Look, it was all fun and games, no need to get so worked up, ok? - said Ellie

\- I’m not worked up, it’s just, you were doing it for too long - said Abby and she tried to sound calm but failed miserably

\- Well, what choice did I have? They didn’t look like they would believe me had I said that I was immune, they would have probably thought I was as unstable as those people who believed the infected could be cured - protested Ellie

\- She’s right - said Lev

\- Maybe - Abby sighed then pointed at Ellie - but you can be infuriating

Ellie stopped looking at the knives and stared at her strangely.

\- You know, Dina says that often - said Ellie smiling as if that brought tender memories to her

\- I am starting to feel pity for her, having to deal with _you_ every day, that woman must be a saint - said Abby 

\- Yeah, she’s very special - said Ellie, fondly and nostalgic but then turned to Abby again - Look, I’m sorry I got carried away, it was supposed to be fun for all of us, I had fun because I know neither looks at the other that way but if you really hated it then…

\- It’s not that I hated it, not totally, it was a bit funny considering the situation but you kinda went over the top at times - admitted Abby

\- So, we’re cool? - asked Ellie

\- Yeah, it’s ok just don’t do something like that again, ok?

\- No problem, boss - said Ellie

\- I’m not your boss - complained Abby

\- But you like bossing people around, don’t you? - asked Ellie pointing her fingers at Abby

Abby sighed in frustration.

\- Maybe a bit - Abby conceded in the end

Ellie smirked. 

_Better to have her smiling than mourning over those people_ , thought Abby.

\- Have you found any knife that you would want? - asked Lev, interrupting them

\- I don't know, maybe I'm not cut out for this - said Ellie smirking

\- Not again… - said Abby

\- What, no cutting remarks?

\- Just find a damn knife and let's go

\- Ok - said Ellie and started looking. Few minutes later she said - Wow! I have to take this one 

Abby looked at it. It was eerily similar to the one Ellie used to have when she fought Abby. It made her uneasy. It did not seem like Lev could remember that that was too similar to the knife Ellie had used to threaten his life before.

\- Looks nice - said Lev

\- Yeah, I used to have something like this but then I.. lost it. - Ellie was looking at it and seemed lost in thought - the one I had before, it had belonged to my mother, at least that was what I was told

\- Oh - said Abby.

 _Ok, that was a good reason to miss it_ , thought Abby, relieved.

\- Have they ever told you anything about her?

\- Not really, it wasn’t like Marlene had time to discuss these things with me, she had a guerilla to lead and shit

\- I understand - said Lev

\- Somehow I still liked it, it was the only thing I had from her but well, this one is also special, since Dina gave it to me and this one - she looked at the new one she was grabbing - I can have it for now, maybe give it to JJ later. Hope he only uses to carve horses or something

\- May he only use it for entertainment - said Lev

\- Yeah - Abby didn’t know what else to say to that

It was very unlikely that Ellie’s son would not have to learn other uses for knives apart from carving but she did not feel like taking that dream from Ellie right now. She was distracted with these thoughts and so she didn’t realize that the floor in the room she was wandering to was not as sturdy as it should be. Suddenly the floor cracked, yielded and broke under her feet. She almost fell but then Ellie grabbed her from behind, putting her arms in Abby’s waist and taking her to safe ground. Abby looked at Ellie. She was so close, close enough she could see her sweating, the marks in her face and her freckles quite clearly. Abby felt flustered for some reason and was thankful that Ellie was looking at the broken floor and not really noticing how nervous Abby was feeling. 

Ellie whistled in a low voice.

\- Damn that is a deep fall, hope we didn't wake some infected up. We should probably move now

\- Yeah, thanks - said Abby and swallowed nervously.

\- No problem - said Ellie, and briefly looked at her

 _Let go of me already,_ thought Abby starting to panic for some reason _, what am I getting all worked out for? She's just helping._

\- Abby! - Lev came running - Are you ok?

\- I’m fine - replied Abby

Ellie stood up and gave her hand to Abby, to help her stand up.

\- I heard something growling over there - he pointed at the entrance - we should try and leave on the opposite side

\- Ok, let’s try that - said Ellie

They left as fast as they could and Abby tried not to think about her bizarre nervousness anymore.


	30. Ellie

It probably would have been smarter to just leave the place, take what they could and leave from where they had come from, even if they had to fight whatever was awaiting them at the entrance. But for some reason that morning they were all not their brightest selves and decided that it was smart to explore the other side of the giant mall and exit from there. They had said something like they could find more supplies or some shit, in hindsight it had not been at all a good idea. Maybe they should have tried to go from the ceiling, although if it was as feeble as some areas inside where, then maybe they would have fallen to their deaths. Abby had almost fallen already, they didn’t need to risk it.

There was something quite strange on that side of the mall. There were a lot of red structures in the walls. Ellie remembered seeing something like those before but these seemed more prominent, more agglomerated together somehow. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it but there was something about the place that was very disturbing. At some point they found that the doors of the mall that would lead to the next area were locked and it seemed there were spores on the other side. That should have indicated to all of them that it was about time to turn their backs and leave but for some reason they calculated that it would be faster to leave through the other side, crossing that part, rather than go back. Their brains were seriously malfunctioning that day it seemed.

So they put on their masks, even Ellie despite her protest had to do so, and tried to open the door. Abby managed to do it in the end and they went very quietly. It was quiet, too quiet. They saw growths in the walls, and avoided them at all costs. They knew very well that if they would be anywhere near those things they would open and some infected would fall on top of them. They checked and it seemed that the ceiling was free of those things, still. 

They were advancing in silence, avoiding the walls and going through the middle and seeing neither infected nor people there. They all had their guns out, ready to use them immediately if needed. They reached a place that seemed like at some point it had been a fountain and next to it there was a strange structure that looked like a tree of that red structure. Suddenly something inside seemed to move and then one of the red structures opened and many spores spread everywhere. 

The sound scared them and they all had pointed their guns at it.They had never seen something like that happen before. 

-What is this fucking spore tree? - asked Abby

-I don’t know, but I don’t like it, this was not a good idea - admitted Ellie

-If we follow that path, we can be away from the walls and there seems to be some light over there, maybe an exit - said Lev

They nodded and went that way. The strange tree opened a couple more times, filling the place with more spores. It was becoming harder and harder to see where they were going. They tried to remain closer to each other but at some point Ellie felt her gun touch something. 

\- Abby? Lev? - she whispered

Neither replied.

\- Guys, are you there?

Silence.

There were so many spores she could not see anything in front of her. Even with her lantern on it was hard to see very far. She poked at whatever was in front of her with care.

A man came to her.

She fell backwards but soon reacted and held her gun and her knife again. That couldn’t be a man, there were too many spores here and he had a suspiciously blank stare. The infected was giving its back to her. It was strange that it had not attacked her immediately, instead it seemed to be interested in something else in front of her. So she followed it slowly. Luckily for her the things that interested it were Abby and Lev. Ellie was about to strike when she saw that the infected was almost touching Lev but he turned and killed it silently with his new knife. Lev looked at the infected in confusion and Ellie went to him.

\- There you are - whispered Ellie

\- Where the fuck were you? - whispered Abby

\- I got lost, can’t see shit - said Ellie

\- Stay closer this time - demanded Abby in a low voice

\- I was trying to do that - complained Ellie

\- Well, you failed - said Abby, annoyed and grabbed her hand

\- What are you doing? - asked Ellie

\- I am not losing you again - said Abby in a tone that indicated that discussion was futile

_ What am I getting all flustered about? _ , thought Ellie,  _ she is only grabbing my hand so that she would not lose me _ .  _ This doesn’t mean anything, Abby doesn’t see me like that, she likes men and I don’t see her like that either. _

However she felt her heart beating a bit faster as she observed Abby’s hand grabbing hers. 

_ Concentrate on surviving this, you can die here if you don’t, so focus _ , thought Ellie. 

She was about to move when she saw that Lev was still looking at the infected.

\- Lev - Abby whispered to him - let’s go

\- Yeah, sure - he seemed to be still confused

\- It’s there a problem? - asked Ellie

It was strange that he would be shocked, he had already killed so many infected. What was so special about this infected?

Lev followed them but he seemed disturbed.

\- What is going on? - Ellie asked again

\- Nothing, I just thought… that infected… it behaved strangely

\- In what way?

Lev couldn’t reply. A shambler broke the wall behind them and came running towards them. They ran and shot at it until it stopped moving. But the noise seemed to wake the whole mall up. They were shooting at anything that moved that was not them and ran like hell. The amount of infected in that mall was monstrous. They would eliminate ten and twenty more would appear, so they ran to the exit and somehow managed to block it with planks and trash bins and everything they could find and throw in front of that door. Then they continued running until they were as far away from that place as they could.

Finally they reached an old house that had only two clickers and a runner they could easily kill. 

\- That was.. - Lev shook his head

\- Stupid of us? Probably. I just wasted all the bullets I collected in that mall - complained Abby

\- At least we are still alive - Ellie shrugged - and we have new knives

\- That is hardly something to celebrate - said Abby

\- Yeah - said Lev that still seemed a little shaken

\- Are you ok there buddy? I mean we barely made it alive but we have been in pretty dire situations before - asked Ellie

\- It’s just, I am confused, about that infected I killed

\- Yeah, it scared me shitless too, with all the spores it seemed it came out of nowhere - admitted Ellie

\- Yeah, all the others, except for the shambler and that one, seemed to be in the walls - said Abby

\- The problem is, it’s face… it was different - said Lev

\- In what way? - asked Ellie

\- I am not sure… I am not sure it was an infected - said Lev

\- What do you mean? - asked Abby

\- It looked like a normal person - said Lev

\- Well, maybe it was just recently infected, maybe it came from the exit and then got infected inside the mall, I mean it was full of spores - said Ellie

\- Yeah, no way he was not infected - said Abby

\- But what if it wasn’t? - asked Lev, sounding worried

\- You know that is not possible - said Abby, confused about what was happening to Lev

\- It could be possible - said Lev and looked at Ellie

\- Wait - Ellie seemed to understand now - you think it could have actually been a person? And an immune person on top of that, like me?

Lev nodded. Ellie felt slightly hopeful but then remembered the vacant look in the infected eyes.

\- Look, as much as I would love to believe that, I don’t think that was an immune person

\- How can you be so sure? - Lev asked

\- I saw it, it’s eyes were not the eyes of a person. I admit that that infected was weird because it did not attack me and went after you guys but that was no person, you don’t need to worry

\- Ok - said Lev but he still sounded confused

\- Maybe it’s a new type of infected - said Abby, trying to calm Lev down

\- Maybe - Lev did not sound convinced

\- Look, don’t worry, I am 100% sure that was not a person, so you don’t need to feel bad about it, ok? - insisted Ellie

  
Lev nodded. Soon after that they went to sleep but Ellie was still thinking about that creature. What if it had been an immune person? What if they had just killed someone like her? She shook her head. The person or infected or whatever, did have a vacant stare, she had not lied about it but she couldn’t help but wonder if she had been wrong and those were simply the eyes of someone confused or terrified. She hoped that Abby was right and that it was just a new form of infected because the alternative disturbed her even more.


	31. Abby

Two weeks after that mall fiasco, they found a very big and empty house that seemed to have been very sumptuous at some point in time. They cleared it of infected and they saw there were some supplies in there. There were so many rooms in that house that Abby wondered if the people living in there got lost sometimes inside it. 

\- Have you checked everywhere? - Abby asked - I don't want any funny business like what we had at the mall

\- Despite all the knives, Maybe we were not sharp enough for that adventure - said Ellie

\- Ugh! - grunted Abby at that joke

\- Are you ok there, Abby? Didn't notice you were learning bull language - teased Ellie

\- I'm going to check upstairs - said Abby, not caring that her excuse was terrible because they were just there seconds ago, anything was valid to escape those puns.

At some point Ellie whistled but it wasn’t like what Lev was teaching them but rather a surprised whistle. Abby went to see and found that Ellie and Lev were checking at a room downstairs that had all sorts of strange gadgets.

\- Look at that, they even had a mirror on the ceiling, Abby what do you suggest people were doing here? - said Ellie playfully

\- That - said Abby pointing at Ellie with her finger - is bait, I am not taking it

\- Coward - said Ellie

\- Maybe but you are a dick - replied Abby and smiled

\- What is that, you want a dick? Look, here is one - said Ellie grabbing a vibrator

\- Eww, put it back, you don’t know where that was - said a very disgusted Abby

\- There is only three places this could have been - said Ellie, matter of factly

\- Yeah, I read and also discussed this with some people at the Fireflies camp - said Lev, very naturally as if that was not a big deal.

\- You were talking about sex dungeons with your friends? - said Abby in dismay and taking notes to remember she needed to pay closer attention to Lev’s friends

\- Not exactly but mostly about how to safely use these or other instruments for pleasure - said Lev pointing at the vibrator 

\- Please don’t touch that - pleaded Abby

\- Ok, but we can clean it with alcohol if you want to take it - suggested Lev looking at Ellie

\- Nope, never saw the appeal - said Ellie, throwing it away and looking at Abby - I was just messing with you

Abby only rolled her eyes and suddenly felt very old, alone having to take care of two noisy brats. 

\- If you are both done fucking around can we just go, this place is weird - said Abby, wishing she had not come down.

\- Come on, this was probably an awesome room, I am totally talking about this to Dina - said Ellie enthusiastically sitting in the bed and looking up at the mirror

\- Enough with the oversharing, please - said Abby

\- What a buzzkill, you haven’t even looked at this awesome mirror here - replied Ellie pointing at it

_ Seriously, this woman  _ thought Abby, again. 

\- They have many interesting things here indeed - said Lev looking at a chair that looked like it could be used for torturing someone.

\- Lev please, don’t touch it - begged Abby

\- Come on! - said Ellie, still sitting in the bed, then looking again up in the mirror and smiling - let us enjoy things, how often can we do that? Don’t we deserve a bit of fun?

Surely they had, the people they had lost, the new forms of infected, almost dying so many times… maybe they truly deserved a bit of fun.

\- Ok, I’ll bite - said Abby and went and sat in the bed, slightly apart from Ellie - this bed is so big

\- Yeah - said Ellie knowingly 

\- Ok, now, that had some sexual meaning behind it, you can’t deny it now - protested Abby

\- We are in motherfucking orgy bed, of course we are discussing sex Abby, what are you, 10? - said Ellie looking at her and then lying down with a sight and looking up - this was probably such a cool place

\- Really? - said Abby and also laid down and their faces ended up being quite closed but they were both looking up at the mirror - but if you want to use this then there is a limited number of positions you can try, wouldn’t it be better to have - irrors to the side too

\- Yeah! - said Ellie with a big smile and moving her face to look at her - Now we are talking, Abby is not a total prude after all

\- Never said I was - said Abby looking at her in the eyes defiantly

\- And here I was thinking you were inexperienced or something - joked Ellie

\- I am not - complained Abby - and who is 10 now? Trying to coerce information out of me with such childish tactics?

\- If it works then what does it mean, eh? - teased Ellie

\- It does not - replied Abby squinting her eyes, pretending to be annoyed

\- You are the kid here, we were just getting to the good part, where you had ideas to improve the place and now you are changing the topic because you are a total coward - joked Ellie

\- I am just not totally shameless like some people I know - said Abby looking pointedly at Ellie

\- No, you are just boooring - said Ellie teasingly

\- I am not going to tell you about my sexual life - said Abby, but she actually felt she really wanted to for some reason

Ellie moved and lied to her side, placing her head in her hand, getting closer to Abby.

\- Why not? - said Ellie in a tone that sent chills down Abby’s spine. 

All her senses screamed at Abby  _ Danger! _ But of the kind that she liked, that she wanted even. Was she imagining things now? Ellie was looking at her with such an intense stare she felt naked. Abby liked that stare but was unable to respond to it or to what Ellie asked and only opened her mouth and her breathing accelerated. She had never noticed how intense her green eyes could be. They were analytic and focused, leaving no detail to escape them. And now that she was seeing Ellie better she noticed that Ellie had a well built body and her face, despite all the scars and wounds, was beautiful. Ellie was beautiful. All of her.

_ What am I thinking? Say something, _ Abby thought but could only stare at her. 

Seconds stretched and Abby was unable to respond. During those moments Abby, despite her strength, wasn’t the wolf. Ellie was. 

\- Hey - said Lev and they both looked to where he was. He was coming from another room and Abby could not remember when had he left the room Ellie and her were in - there are some maps here and materials for bombs we can use

\- Sure - said Ellie and went to Lev. Abby would have sworn that she sounded a bit embarrassed.

Abby felt slightly disappointed that the moment was gone. It had felt strangely intimate although intimidating. Stil, it was true they really needed to get going. They finally left the big house and continued on the road.

That night Ellie was cooking and no one was looking forward to that. While she was trying to prepare something and Abby was trying to figure out where to go, Lev came to her and spoke quietly.

\- Are you ok, Abby? - asked Lev

\- Yes, why do you ask? - she smiled and looked at him

\- That was awkward - said Lev

\- What? - asked Abby

\- You guys in bed - said Lev directly

Why was Lev always putting things in ways they sounded worse than what they were in reality? Those words… it put an image in her mind that she tried to immediately shake off. Abby felt her face growing hot. She turned to her map and swallowed.

\- What do you mean? - she had tried to sound normal but even she could hear the alarm in her voice 

\- What is happening? - insisted Lev

\- Nothing, it was nothing - said Abby

\- Abby, are you..?

\- I am not, please let it go - Abby begged

\- I just worry, you tend to go after difficult people or people that do not treat you kindly

\- I do not, and I am not going after anyone here, Lev

\- Are you sure?

\- I am, Ellie has a wife, and I have never been into women, so let it go

Lev looked at her and tilted his head, pensively. He then spoke again.

\- Abby, these things can occur later in life too, you might have never noticed before, maybe you are developing feelings for a woman now

\- Lev! I am not, I mean even if I were to start having feelings towards women, imagine that, of all women, Ellie? For real? You have to be happy we are not at each other’s throats right now

\- I thought you were past that

\- We are but that doesn’t mean that we will start liking each other in  _ that _ way

\- Ok… I don’t think Ellie is a bad person but just be careful

\- I am, don’t worry, Lev - said Abby and placed a hand in his shoulder.

Lev nodded and went to help Ellie after that. Abby sighed. She didn’t really need the extra drama, whatever had happened in that bed was maybe just a lapse in their judgement. No, nothing had happened, it had been just a conversation she didn’t need to think about it anymore.

The following days they only found infected and they seemed curiously relieved by that. They even had to fight more of those strange merged stalkers that were so strong. It was scary to think that now they were seeing more of them. They were exploring a building when they found them and took effort but they could dispose of them. They also saw one thing that seemed to be a merged stalker, bloater and a clicker. It was faster than a normal bloater and also trickier. It took them too much effort but the three of them managed to dispose of it by working together and remembering to try and stay away. They didn't want to end up melted in the floor.

\- This is terrible - said Ellie sounding very worried - another of those merged fuckers! 

\- This one was more like the one that killed Bob - said Lev

\- I was thinking the same - said Ellie - We have seen how many of these things now? Are they becoming more common?

\- Yeah, the first time I saw a big one was around six years ago - confessed Abby

\- Where? - said Lev sounding confused

\- In the hospital, in the ground floor, it was ground zero for the city, it was the place they took the first infected so there was this huge thing, an infected made of several others - said Abby

\- You never mentioned it - complained Lev

\- I didn’t want you to worry and there was no time - apologized Abby - I was not expecting that in the future similar things would appear

\- You did all that for us - said Lev, moved - to save my sister

\- Yeah, well, you guys did save me too - said Abby

\- You should have still told me, I did not know what took you so long - said Lev

\- You were just a child back then - explained Abby

\- Even then you were trying to shield me, you shouldn’t have had to fight it alone - complained Lev

\- Hey, it’s like you say, it’s done, right? We are alive, we are here - said Abby and Lev nodded in agreement but still seemed annoyed

\- Was this thing as big as the ones we are seeing now? - asked Ellie, taking the notebook from her backpack

\- No, it was bigger, it seemed that it was many infected in one - said Abby

\- Ok, elaborate - said Ellie 

\- Is this really the time? - complained Abby pointing out at the part of the big building they still need to check

\- Just describe it to me - insisted Ellie

\- Documentation is important - recognized Lev

Abby described it as best as she could and Ellie made several sketches. It was interesting to see how she worked on these things. Finally Ellie made an accurate version of that monster and Abby mentioned they were indeed in trouble if those things kept evolving and if there was more than one of those things out there. 

Lev advanced to the following room and then came back to talk to them.

\- All seems clear but we still have not checked the floors downstairs - said Lev

\- Is there really no other way through? - complained Ellie

\- We checked, this seems to be it - said Abby sighting

So Ellie went first. She came out to tell them to put some mask on and Abby used that chance to take one and throw at Ellie.

\- What is the fucking point? - said Ellie

\- Just humor me, ok? - insisted Abby

Ellie groaned but put it on. Of course there were infected, not just runners but clickers and bloaters too. Initially they went quietly, Ellie and Lev used their bows and their explosive arrows to eliminate the bloaters then they had to fight the others. Suddenly an infected that seemed to be a mixture of a bloater and a stalker broke off the wall and went to Ellie. Ellie noticed and managed to get away from it before it could grab her, she also shot at it several times but the thing wouldn't stop. Abby ran as fast as she could and threw a chair to it. Then took out an ax and hit it with full force. It was beginning to break off but Abby and Ellie shot at it several times. The thing wouldn’t stop moving regardless, so they had to run and shoot. Ellie and Lev also shot at it and the three of them managed to eliminate it. They had made so much noise that other infected came to them and they had to fight them too. A couple more of merged infected came to them so they ran while they fought these things. Right when they were losing hope they found an exit and barricaded their way and ran. 

When they finally seemed to be on the clear, and out of the spore area, Abby removed her mask. It was always so pleasant to remove the mask. Abby could understand why Ellie didn’t want to wear them but she never knew when someone could spot them and suspect Ellie would be infected and maybe shoot at her. 

Later they found another abandoned house. Abby went to check and she found just four infected she got rid of easily. So she went to get Ellie and Lev but as they were going in a stalker jumped on top of Abby. She fought it but Lev finished it with an ax he had found recently. 

\- I didn’t see that one - admitted Abby - thanks

\- It’s ok, those are trickier - said Lev

\- Yeah, fuck them - said Ellie - we have to assume there can be more

As Ellie expected, there were more, since a clicker fell from the ceiling and fell on top of Ellie soon after that, but Abby grabbed it and broke it’s head against the wall with her hands. The fact that these fuckers were now able to blend in with the fungal structures in the houses was annoying the shit out of her, they had to look up, down, to the sides, everywhere for anything that could resemble an infected. 

\- Hey, thanks, you saved me there - said Ellie

Ellie's grateful face gave Abby a kind of satisfaction she couldn't explain. They had saved each other's ass a couple of times now but Ellie always said thanks and Abby wasn't getting tired of it at all. Quite the opposite.

\- No problem - said Abby and smiled at her. 

They checked the building and on their way they also found some supplies and even some manuals they checked later. It was useful because they learned how to improve the range of some of their guns. Considering what they had seen so far, they needed that.

The infected were becoming worse and it was worrisome. Even after that, fighting infected was simpler than fighting humans, because Abby started to believe Ellie was right. She did not want this violent life for Lev anymore and she definitely didn't want him to end up alone like Grace. Whenever they saw a human camp they would do their best to avoid them, even if it meant deviating a bit from their original plans. It just wasn't worth it. 

Abby was really starting to wonder if what the guy Ellie mentioned said was right and humanity was a super dick that didn't deserve salvation. Then she would remember Manny, Nora, Owen and she would look at Lev and even at how Ellie was talking with Lev. Abby couldn’t deny that there was goodness there and she had to keep trying to believe there had to be some goodness somewhere else too.

One night Abby dreamt of Owen. They were in the sex dungeon with the mirror on the ceiling and he was on top of her kissing her hard and she was so happy in that moment, pleasure taking over while Owen kissed her whole body and went down on her. Abby closed her eyes and opened them right at the moment she came and saw herself and her lover in the ceiling mirror. But there was something wrong in the mirror because that red-brown hair wasn’t Owen’s and so she looked at the person’s eyes and instead of being dark the eyes that looked back were green and the face was covered in freckles. She woke up startled and barely understanding what the fuck had she just dreamt about. She looked around and was glad that her companions were asleep, in particular Ellie. It was silly, it was not like Ellie could read her mind and see what Abby had just dreamt about but Abby still felt shame. That time Ellie and her were in the big bed and were joking had been an intimate but platonic moment. There was nothing more there. Ellie was not her enemy anymore and she would even dare to say they were friends and that she would definitely kill for Ellie but that did not mean she needed to feel anything more complicated for her. Abby shook her head and she blamed stress for that weird dream. Then she tried to sleep again, it was just a fucking dream, it meant nothing. It had to mean nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know that a room like that and a mirror like that would not have stayed in place for so many years but this is fiction and if we are going to be accurate then they should have run out of ammo and gasoline years ago but somehow they haven’t so, just suspend disbelief for a while :P   
> Also, raise your hand if you realized you weren't straight by having a dream like this ✋
> 
> By the way, I have made some drawings for this fic, in particular for this chapter, maybe I will add them at the end here later on


	32. Ellie

If there was a way that Ellie could make a room like that with the orgy bed she wanted to try, or at least maybe put the mirrors to the side as Abby had suggested. She wondered if Dina would be fine with that? Would she enjoy the view? Ellie felt hot only thinking about the view she could get with Dina in a room full of mirrors. She missed her so much! And not just in a sexual way but right now everything about Dina was missing from Ellie's life.

Then she felt slightly embarrassed, what was she trying to achieve by intending to force Abby to tell her about her sexual experiences? If Abby preferred to be cautious about it so be it! It didn’t concern Ellie and she had been way too close and familiar, she could freak Abby out and now that things were a bit better between them why risk it? They were there with one goal in mind: reaching Tampico and making the cure, that was it. She needed to remember to avoid unnecessary complications. However the image of Abby in the bed and looking at her as a doe that is about to be eaten came to her. Her eyes had widened when Ellie was trying to coax her into revealing her bedroom stories, she had started to breath faster and her mouth had barely parted. It made for an alluring visual. Abby was big and muscular, Ellie had never thought much about it due to their circumstances but she had to admit that Abby was gorgeous, wounds and all. That time Ellie helped her with the bandages she had been able to touch her body and for some reason all those memories were now causing a different sensation in Ellie.

_ Focus! _ Ellie told herself.  _ Keep it simple, we have a mission _

Whatever was happening she needed to concentrate on staying alive and finally helping in making that damn cure. 

The worst part had been that talk she had with Lev days later.

\- Ellie, can I ask you something?

\- Sure, what is on your mind?

\- Well, I know you love Dina, I think Abby knows this too

\- Yes, so?

\- So… you do not think that you could like someone else at this point, do you?

\- What? I'm not sure I follow, why don't you just ask what is on your mind? Going in circles isn't yours or my style

\- Well - he sighed - ok, the thing is… I think that whatever happened at that huge bed days ago, it seemed it made you both very awkward when I went in

\- Oh… yeah, I guess…. Well, it was just friendly banter, nothing more

\- Are you sure? Because if you are then… you should be more careful, it could be taken in a different way

\- I don't think so

\- Why?

\- Well, you are forgetting an important detail. Abby likes men and I'm a woman who likes women so… our taste do not overlap at all

Lev tilted his head and crossed his arms while looking at Ellie.

\- Didn't you say that, before you, Dina had only dated men?

\- Yes

\- So, previous dating history doesn't determine all of what one person likes, right?

\- True, now that you mention it… but the thing is, with our fucked up history, we're lucky enough we are on friendly terms now. I think that is even more than any of us could expect, don't you think?

\- I see… I just wanted you two to be careful

\- I understand, she's important to you, you don't want her to get hurt but the thing is, I doubt she'll ever see me that way. When we were pretending to be a couple she was very disgusted by the idea of being with me - said Ellie and for some reason that made her slightly sad - that is the reason it was a joke, it will never happen. And even our friendship is recent… so you have nothing to worry about

\- Disgusted? - asked Lev and he seemed confused

\- Yeah, you should have seen her face when we talked about it. I guess that even if one day she likes women it won't be me she likes, so don't worry

When Ellie said that, she meant it. Although now it felt somehow painful, she was sure Abby found her disgusting. Ellie imagined the pain must be caused by her hurt ego, she didn't think she looked bad but maybe she just wasn't Abby's type.

\- Ok - said Lev but looked at her as if he was analyzing her and not completely sure he believed her.

Days had passed and they had seen more mutations of the infected and Abby had mentioned the first time she had seen one. The one she described sounded worse than most of what they had seen so far and that didn't fare well for them. If that infected monstrosity was possible then what else was?

After a day avoiding two human camps they were quite exhausted and decided to camp. Ellie hunted and they ate. It was a clear night and they could see the stars. It reminded Ellie of the many times she had watched the stars and sang to Dina and JJ. She loved telling JJ about the stars and remembered how Dina would grab a blanket and they would sit outside at night and drink soup from a cup. 

\- I find it comforting, to look at the night sometimes - said Lev

\- I can relate, Dina and I also loved watching the stars. I would sing to her and play the guitar - said Ellie

\- You play the guitar? Another guy in the Firefly camp does too

\- Really? That is cool

\- How do you manage? - said Lev looking at her missing fingers

\- Oh, I almost could not for a while but someone back at Jackson taught me. I had to relearn everything but I think I am good now

\- Good, that you didn’t lose the ability - smiled Lev

\- Yeah, it was important, Joel had taught me, he liked playing and making guitars. - said Ellie looking at the stars and then she said - I can’t wait for JJ to be older to teach him and then talk to him about the constellations and planets, see that there, that is Venus

\- What? What is a Venus?

\- Well, it’s the name of a planet, that over there is a star, stars are made of hydrogen and helium mostly, and produce light and heat. But planets, like in the case of Venus - Ellie pointed to Venus again - and the Earth, where we are now, are made of an iron core and a rocky mantle. 

\- I am not sure if I understand all of that, what is hydrogen and helium? - asked Lev

\- Well, Hydrogen is a chemical element that is basically everywhere, water is made of hydrogen and oxygen, another element. Then helium is another element, and, you see, the sun is made of helium. - said Ellie

\- What is an element? - asked Lev

\- It’s a substance that you can’t break down normally - replied Ellie

\- Are there abnormal ways to break them? - asked Lev

\- I think there were but maybe we lost this knowledge or maybe we didn’t, I personally just don’t know any physicist, maybe there are some out there - guessed Ellie

\- These all seem very interesting, but they were old knowledge, right? - said Lev

\- Yes - replied Ellie

Lev seemed conflicted, he seemed he wanted to ask more

\- Is there anything that bothers you?

\- It’s all old knowledge but it sounds … it sounds amazing - said Lev

\- Well, I am sure on the way we can check some libraries, you can try to learn more-

\- But I shouldn’t really

\- Why not?

\- It’s not good, old word knowledge was what made us destroy ourselves

Ellie looked at him but said nothing

\- Well, I don’t know about that, I mean, maybe part of the previous way of life caused us to be in this disaster with the infected people but part of this old knowledge will maybe save us too, you know? I mean, didn't you say you liked reading too?

\- Yeah, but more about natural things what you are mentioning doesn't sound natural

\- Well chemistry might sound weird but it is the study of things that happen in nature, I mean, I was just talking about the sun and the stars

\- I guess you are right

Lev remained silent, he seemed to need some time to think and Ellie realized this seemed to be something important for him. 

\- I have been reading this book - said Lev holding the book he picked up days ago - seems like the world before was also unkind to people like me

\- Really, you think that part is not fiction? - asked Ellie

\- Judging by how people are now, I think not. 

\- I think I feel the same, now that you mention it. When Dina and I first kissed there was this guy who called us something nasty

\- Did he do it in private?

\- No, it was in a dance, so very much in front of everyone, Joel tried to defend us and the guy did apologize later but still

\- Sorry about that

\- Well, not as bad as being rejected by the whole community - said Ellie

\- It’s still bad enough - said Lev and he looked penseve, then he said - There was a girl in the Fireflies camp, she would have liked this book, 

\- Why? - asked Ellie

\- Because the main character, due to the superpowers she gains, gets to have the body she wants. This girl in the camp, she was always struggling about it too, like the girl in the book - said Lev

\- Sounds tough - said Ellie

\- It is, I don’t have that problem though, I am fine with this - said Lev looking at himself - but I feel for her

\- Your friend or the girl in the book? - asked Ellie

\- She is not really a friend, at least not a close one, but I was thinking of her while I read this and I was thinking of people who don’t feel at ease with themselves or others - said Lev 

\- Yeah - said Ellie, thinking about Grace, she would think about her from time to time but discussing the book had reminded Ellie of the girl.

\- Do you think she'll be fine? - asked Lev after a while

\- Grace? - said Ellie - she was capable. I think physically she can make it

\- But you are also worried about her and what being alone could do to her - said Lev

\- Yeah, I am but she was decided, we couldn't change her mind - said Ellie

\- I know - admitted Lev - but I wish we had insisted more

\- Me too - confessed Ellie - I tried telling her about this guy I know who lived alone in a town

\- What did she say?

\- That she's not him and that her mind was made. She didn't give a shit about my story. Said she had been tricked before

\- She didn't trust us

\- No

\- I guess this is also something we have to accept and continue

\- Yeah. Years ago, when I traveled with Joel, we met a guy and his younger brother. We sort of became friends but then they died

\- I'm sorry

\- Back then, Joel and I weren't still that close, and he was a very reserved person. He didn't want to talk about these things

\- That sounds difficult

\- It was, I really wanted to talk about it, mourn them. With time he became better at that but I was just thinking how nice it is to just talk about it when it happens

\- We honor the departed by remembering them, there's no shame in admitting how you feel after a loss

\- Yeah, all that, I'm just glad I can talk about it, thanks

\- You're welcome - said Lev

Lev became tired soon after that and went to sleep.

Abby was checking things in her bag, then took a book and started reading. For some reason Ellie was curious about what Abby was reading about. Abby seemed so concentrated and serious while reading so the book must be interesting. Ellie observed and tried to read the cover of the book. Abby apparently noticed her staring and closed her book.

\- Oh, sorry, I just wanted to know what was the book about - apologized Ellie

\- No, it’s ok, it’s fiction, sci-fi. I saw it in an abandoned library days ago. It’s not the best I have read in my life but it is ok - said Abby

\- You enjoy reading? - asked Ellie

\- I do, I can see you do too, you know so many things - said Abby, was that admiration in her eyes? 

\- Yeah, about stars and biology and dinosaurs. I think if I was living in the old world I would have liked to be an astronaut - said Ellie looking at the stars.

\- An astronaut who likes dinosaurs? Are you expecting to find fossils on the moon? - said Abby smiling and clearly joking.

\- How cool would that be! - said Ellie looking at her - imagine if you find life outside the planet, maybe they were not totally fucked up

\- If you only find fossils then that means they are not there anymore though - pointed Abby

\- Yeah, but it would still be interesting, see what is out there - said Ellie dreamily looking at the stars

\- Not to me, I don’t think I could survive knowing I am so far away from the earth - said Abby truthfully

\- Yeah - said Ellie, remembering how terrified heights made Abby. Surely looking at how the space shuttle was leaving Earth would have been too much for her - but there must be other things you enjoyed or would have enjoyed doing

\- I think I would have been either a doctor or a personal trainer, I don’t know, maybe a writer, or a book critic - commented Abby getting a bit enthusiastic about those ideas

\- Yeah, would have been nice to do those things - said Ellie wistfully

\- It would have been - replied Abby and they sat in silence looking at the fire and the stars and dreaming of the life they couldn’t have.

\- Hey… - Abby looked at her own hands - I know that when I went to look for you I said that I didn’t care about apologies but maybe I was wrong... I have never apologized for… well many things.. I would like to… well, apologize... I am glad you can still play the guitar despite… You know...

\- Yeah, me too - said Ellie, feeling slightly uncomfortable. She felt Abby was almost a friend now but these things were still a bit difficult to talk about

\- At least I didn’t also take that from you - said Abby in a small voice

Ellie looked at her. She was scratching her neck and looking like she wanted to cry. Ellie did not remember ever seeing her so vulnerable, not even when she almost died in that fucking basement. 

\- Hey, it’s ok, I meant it. We have to look forward, don’t we? Look for the light, right? - said Ellie in a conciliatory tone

\- Yeah - said Abby and looked at her with gratitude in her eyes - But there is this thing I have to tell you

\- What?

\- Back then, when I went looking for… Joel...I mean we were wrong, we thought that because of what he did, there would be no cure but there are obviously other ways, we were angry not just for how many people he killed but because we thought he condemned us all, we just didn’t know there were other ways... 

\- Oh... ehm... yeah I kinda knew before you guys came - said Ellie slightly uncomfortable

\- What?

\- Well, I talked with my therapist and she mentioned something. It all started because my son came one day saying he would work in a vaccine one day and well, that triggered something so... I needed to talk about it, I didn't tell her I'm immune

\- Good, that was smart of you

\- Yeah, Dina thought the same - said Ellie, kinda tired of hiding her truth

\- So you knew

\- That other ways are possible, yeah

\- No, I mean, that my dad was wrong

\- Abby… he might have not know there were other ways

\- No, he was just very stubborn, he believed he was the best and he was a good doctor but just too stubborn

\- Well, he was trying

\- Seriously, he was going to kill you!

\- I would have said yes - said Ellie, without thinking much about it

\- What?

\- I would have agreed... it's a pity they didn't ask

\- No, I am glad that in some way you survived, not how you survived but that you did. 

\- Why? - said Ellie 

\- I mean it's so easy to say, let's kill this girl we don't know. I mean, even Marlene was pleading to my dad but ended up agreeing. Marlene! The person who was supposed to be taking care of you! They were desperate but killing a little girl over that? That is not ok and even less if he was so obsessed on his ways he couldn't even try to consider other ways

Ellie had never known this, but she was not really that surprised. Marlene had said she was friends with her mother but Ellie did know that the Fireflies had looked for a cure for years so of course Marlene would have agreed.

\- Abby, you don't need to do this

\- What?

\- He was your dad, you don't need to speak like that about him

\- He would have killed you!

\- Abby - Ellie sighed - it is fine, I understand that you are upset, I was too when I found out what Joel did but… you can’t really be angry at him now, you can’t even talk to him now

\- I know but… for years I thought he was this good, noble man then it turned out he was…

\- He may have been a good man

\- You realize I did what I did because I thought so fondly of my dad? - said Abby angrily but Ellie knew the anger was not directed at her but rather she was angry at herself for what she did

\- Trust me, had he been terrible, you would have still felt that loss. Even before we were closer to each other, I knew Joel had screwed a lot of people for a long time but to me... he was… he was like my dad, I still loved him… - replied Ellie. Abby seemed to be processing what this meant so she continued - Look, from what I gathered, your dad was a good man, even stubborn, even if he was wrong, he did love you and you are entitled to remember him fondly

Abby gave her a strange look.

\- What? - asked Ellie

\- Lev said something similar, no wonder you two get along 

\- Well, he is right as am I, so even with his issues, it is ok to love him and think nicely about him, so stop feeling bad about it, ok?

\- Ok

Ellie thought Abby didn’t sound really convincing but she probably needed time to process this grief. It had been difficult for Ellie to forgive Joel and she had actually been able to talk with him about the fucked up shit he did, Abby didn’t have that opportunity. 

\- You still didn’t answer something - said Ellie touching her fingers and looking down

\- What? - asked Abby

\- Why… why are you happy I survived? - asked Ellie and dared to look at Abby

Abby looked at Ellie with a stare as if she had been caught naked or something. It seemed this question confused her, even altered her slightly. 

_ What is going on? _ , thought Ellie, it seemed the atmosphere was suddenly tense. Then Abby shook her head and spoke.

\- Well how do you expect that we make the cure without you, dumbass? - said Abby, almost violently

\- Yeah, but I mean in the case your dad had made the cure with me dying - said Ellie, and for some reason she was getting annoyed at Abby for avoiding to answer the question

\- We already know that was very unlikely and a far smarter method is to take samples from you while you are alive. I am just happy we found people that are taking this seriously enough and will come up with a cure without having to sacrifice our only immune person - said Abby, barely able to hide her exasperation

\- Oh, ok… get it - said Ellie

_ Of course, what was I actually expecting to hear? _ , thought Ellie but still part of her was slightly disappointed. Abby still seemed uncomfortable so Ellie thought she needed to change the topic immediately. 

\- So, uhm… what would professional book critic Abby say about that book? - said Ellie, trying to lighten the atmosphere

The tension evaporated and Abby laughed. It was such a beautiful sight it made Ellie smile too. Abby continued scratching her neck and somehow that made her look like such an endearing dork.

\- Well - said Abby pretending to turn serious - this book critic would say this seemed to be a rip off of other book she has already read

\- Really, how disappointing! How do you know it is not the other way around? - asked Ellie

\- I checked the publication dates - said Abby knowingly and still smiling

\- Wow, you remember those things? -  _ how much of a nerd is she? _ , thought Ellie.

\- Yes - said Abby, as if she was asking her if she knew how much one plus one was

\- Well, that is sad, we should look at other places to loot for books then - concluded Ellie

\- Maybe - said Abby shrugging - What about you? Aren’t you reading anything now?

\- No, I grabbed two books for Dina in this trip, one for recipes and a fiction one that Grace recommended

\- Oh yeah, I remember she did

\- Wait, you heard that?

\- It's not like you guys were being discreet

\- True

\- So, is it good?

\- I don't know, haven't checked yet, it's about two girls in love. Dina liked one years ago. But I didn't read this one yet, I am mostly writing things now and drawing whatever interesting thing I can - confessed Ellie

\- Well, what Lev said was true, documentation is important - said Abby, still looking at her pointedly 

\- Yeah. You know what else is important? - said Ellie, noticing how whatever she tried to do, Abby’s eyes on her were somehow too intense for her right now and she couldn't forget the talk she had with Lev, she didn't want to complicate things - sleep, we should get some

\- True - said Abby 

They laid down and Ellie gave her back to Abby but had a hard time sleeping. Abby’s laugh kept coming to her mind. She had the strange urge to just say something absurd enough to make her laugh like that again. Ellie loved to make people laugh but with Abby it felt like it was going to become an obsession and this worried her. She just didn’t know why or rather she preferred not to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, reference to the same book because although I am not trans I think it is important to mention how Lev feels and how he sees himself. It is my understanding that not every trans person feels rejection to their bodies, so I was thinking maybe Lev doesn’t either. Maybe he is happy with what he has and I thought that would be nice. Also, he can’t be the only trans person in the world so sometimes I mention the existence of others.


	33. Abby

Maybe Ellie was onto something when she talked about discussing her feelings and shit with that doctor. Abby was feeling much better after finally gathering the courage to apologize to Ellie. Things between them had shifted so dramatically, but in a good way and although their history was so convoluted Abby thought that now she could call Ellie a friend, something she never imagined would be possible. Abby hoped they could arrive at the hospital and that whatever procedures they needed to do to Ellie would not cause injury. She wouldn’t be able to endure seeing Ellie hurt. No, she was not going to allow that to happen. 

Despite these feelings, she was still sometimes annoyed by her jokes or some of her unexpected questions. She just did not get what Ellie expected of her when she asked about why Abby was happy that Ellie had not been killed years ago. Had Joel not saved Ellie, then maybe, just maybe Abby’s dad would have made a cure, although now they knew that was not very likely and that had he failed they would have eliminated the only source of a potential cure by killing Ellie. So, from many aspects it was positive that Ellie had survived, that she was alive now and on the way to the research facility where a cure could finally be made.

Ellie had seemed disappointed with Abby’s answer but what was she expecting? What did Ellie want from Abby? That she would turn all corny and said something along the lines of “ _had you died_ _then I wouldn’t have met you, wouldn’t have known that you are such a cool person, then we would not have been together this night and discussed dreams of an alternative world that cannot be?”_ Abby was not going to do that, however much she cared for Ellie now she just could not say that out loud it sounded like... It sounded like too much. It wasn’t something she felt she wanted to do. 

_We have a mission_ , thought Abby, _fulfill it, then take her safely to her family, that’s it, remember, she has a family and you have Lev, he’s your family_. Abby didn’t have time for drama, what with fighting infected and trying to survive this fucked up world they lived in.

They had managed to avoid big cities for a while but now all routes were somehow blocked and they saw no other way but to go into one of the cities. Neither of them liked the idea but they saw no way around it. Last time those roads had not been blocked so it seemed extremely fishy but they had to continue. Ellie suggested going quietly and trying to avoid detection. A day went by and it seemed they could make it out of there without being seen by the people and disposing of infected quietly. Abby started to feel hopeful but then one night while they were crawling around she heard Lev cry in pain. 

\- Fuck! - he cursed

\- What happened? - asked Abby, worried

\- It seems it was an scorpion - said Ellie looking at the ground with her lantern - there’s a shoe over there, maybe it was inside it

\- It got me in the leg - complained Lev

\- Está herido señor?

They all looked at the person who was talking, it was just a boy and a younger girl hiding besides him. The boy seemed very lively and not at all scared of them. The girl one the other hand was trembling in fear.

\- Andrea, hay gringos! Uno esta lastimado - yelled him and the girl seemed scared

They tried to leave but the boy talked to them pleadingly

\- Just wait, no hablo su idioma pero Andrea les puede ayudar, si esta herido les podemos ayudar

\- I think he wants to help - said Abby

A woman came and she seemed surprised and scared but approached them anyway.

\- Hi, I am Andrea, this is Carlos, that is Lulu, he said you need help - said Andrea approaching them slowly, with her hands up, showing them she had no guns - if you are hurt we can help

\- We are fine - said Lev - we are just passing through

\- We don’t want any trouble - said Ellie

\- It’s ok, we don’t want trouble either - said Andrea - let me just check your friend ok? I am a doctor

Ellie and Abby looked at each other and nodded despite Lev’s protest. They still held their weapons in their hands though, they still didn’t know if they could trust them.

\- Let’s see - Andrea said and looked at the wound - seems like it was a scorpion

\- Yes, he killed it, it’s here - said Ellie pointing at it

\- Mmmmm - said Andrea - ok, I know we don’t know each other but there is a hospital here and we have antidotes ok, we can help you, you need to come

\- Can’t you bring it here? - said Lev

\- Que les pasa? - asked Carlos

\- No quieren venir - said Andrea

\- Pero el señor se ve mal - said Lulu

\- No nos confian - said Andrea

\- Yo me quedo con esta gente y te vas con el - said Carlos

\- Carlos, no los conocemos, no vamos a hacer eso - said Andrea

\- Pero y si es alérgico? - said Carlos

\- Seguramente que no lo es

\- Pero y si es?

\- Carlos, no es una buena idea

\- I can stay - said Carlos, with a strong Spanish accent, looking at them

\- No - said Andrea

\- What? - said Ellie

\- I stay and he goes - said Carlos

Andrea looked at them and put her hands together in front of herself and begged. 

\- Please just come, he’s my only brother - pleaded Andrea

Ellie looked confused. Abby felt sorry for them but she still couldn’t make up her mind but she was worried for Lev, he was looking worse as time went by. 

\- Ok - said Ellie

\- No - complained Lev

\- Shut up- said Abby and grabbed Lev. He was bigger and heavier now but Abby could take him, she was still stronger than him.

In the hospital another doctor named Alejandro gave Lev the antidote and told them he needed to rest. Abby didn't like any of this and insisted on staying in his room. The doctors did not agree but after discussing for a while they realized neither Ellie nor Abby would change their minds so they let them be. Apart from that it seemed they were busy enough with people to take care of. So they were left on their own and they tried to accommodate in the benches and the small bed. Lev was soon asleep. 

\- Unlucky, aren’t we? - said Abby

\- I would say the opposite, how long we have been complaining that there seem to be no decent people left in this world, these people here seem nice enough - said Ellie

\- Well, I would be careful not to let my guard down

\- Yeah, don’t we know that? - said Ellie and looked at Lev

Ellie had taken the chair and insisted that Abby should take the bed. She had not liked the idea but ended up accepting since Ellie sat on that chair and refused to move. She was annoyingly stubborn sometimes. The chair was against the bed where Abby was now lying. Ellie’s hands were on the armchair. Abby was trying to accommodate herself better when she saw how Ellie’s hand fell from the armchair and ended up in front of her face. Abby felt immediately nervous. She looked at the hand, then slowly at Ellie’s face. She was fast asleep. 

It had been involuntary, she hadn’t meant to try and touch Abby or anything. Abby felt disappointed then stupid. She should also just sleep already. They had been walking for so many hours and so she tried to sleep but she also did not move Ellie’s hand away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes about expressions! And more OCs! Of course we need them from them all things considered  
> Anyway, if you don't understand Spanish, the kids were offering to help and then the kids and the doctor were discussing about how to convince Abby, Lev and Abby to come, so Carlos offered to stay while Lev went with the doctor  
> Also not an arachnologist so sorry for potential mistakes. I was just always fascinated by how small things can have huge impacts in history, so I thought that maybe our characters are great at fighting big infected and cities of armed people but a little scorpion can be silent and deadly.


	34. Ellie

People looked at them wearily but they really seemed to not have any intentions of keeping or killing them. Ellie fell asleep in the chair and it seemed that during the night her hands had fallen to the side. When she was waking up she felt something was near her hand and because she was still partly asleep she just pushed against it without thinking.

\- Hey - complained Abby

\- What? - asked Ellie startled but still sleepy

\- You are pressing my face - said Abby

\- Oh, sorry - said Ellie, still confused - didn’t mean to

She moved to look at Abby, her hair was slightly undone and partly on her face. She seemed annoyed but somehow Ellie felt something inside her belly, that was not hunger, when she saw Abby starting to sit in bed. So, she looked away, slightly ashamed. Abby didn’t seem to notice since she was rubbing her eyes. Then Abby released her hair and Ellie could not help but look again in her direction. It was not as long as when she had met her but it was getting there. Abby somewhat combed her hair with her own hands and remade the braid. It was good that Abby was concentrated in that and was paying no mind to Ellie because Ellie was mesmerized by her. She just couldn’t stop looking. Then Abby finished and Ellie pretended to look at Lev and swallowed. 

_She has beautiful hair, it’s just that, nothing else_ , thought Ellie.

Soon after that, someone came with boiled eggs, bread and milk. It was the small girl called Lulu. When she entered the room and saw that Abby and Ellie were awake she got scared but still she put the food on a table. Ellie waved and said hello but the girl didn't reply, she probably didn't understand them. She then looked at them for a long time. She had long blond hair and green eyes that seemed they wanted to analyze everything to the minutiae. She observed them for some awkward time then suddenly she took a piece of the bread and ate it. Then she left. She was so small and Ellie felt sorry for her, she was probably starving if she would steal food from people she was so scared of. 

\- I'm quite surprised at how nice they are to us now. Even this food is good, you know - admitted Abby

\- Well. You know what they say

\- What? - said Abby and she sounded suspicious

\- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat

\- Why did I even think about asking? - complained Abby but Ellie noticed she was trying to suppress a smile

\- You know that girl, she kinda looks like you - said Ellie, 

\- Huh? I don’t think so, her eyes at least are more like you - said Abby

\- No, seriously she does, her nose is kinda like yours and she has long and dark blond beautiful hair like you do

Abby stared at Ellie as if thinking that maybe she was messing with her and then realized she was not kidding.

\- Are you serious?

\- I am

\- She does not look like me - said Abby smiling amusingly

\- I am telling you she has your nose and that pretty long hair

\- You are just being ridiculous now, since when do you find anything about me pretty?

Ellie was about to reply but Abby continued.

\- Look I don’t care, really I don’t. And besides if anything she has your eyes, so she looks like you

\- So what, are you saying this girl looks like a mixture of you and me? Like our daughter? - said Ellie laughing

She meant it as a joke but she saw that the comment made Abby nervous. She was racking her brain to think of something lighter to say but Abby spoke first.

\- I was not implying shit, you are the one seeing similarities where there are none. And besides as far as I know I have no surviving family members and I never had a kid so…

\- Yeah, you are probably right, I just thought she kinda looked like you. I mean it could be a coincidence. Once Joel told me - Ellie stopped remembering briefly who she was talking to but then she also remembered her resolution about stop pretending that Joel was not part of her life so she continued - that sometimes you find people in your life that by chance look like you, they called these people doppelgangers, maybe she is a tiny Abby and in the future if she exercises and finds enough food she can look like you

\- Well, I hope that if she does, then that her motivations are better than mine

\- What, survival?

Abby sighed and paused a bit before replying.

\- Revenge, then yes I guess later it became survival. 

\- Oh - said Ellie

Ellie could not think of anything to say at the moment but then another doctor came. She let them know her name was Elena and she offered to look at them but they refused. She seemed to be very kind and could also speak their language. Later that day she brought them soup and, because she saw the mistrust in their eyes, she tried a bit of each plate and said: "see?, not poisonous". 

They decided to try after that and it was actually very tasty.

\- Thank you - said Abby

\- Yeah, thank you and sorry for scaring the little girl - said Ellie

\- Oh, Lulu, she is scared all the time anyway, she is an orphan and we are trying to take care of her as best as we can - said Elena 

\- I guess most of us are orphans - said Ellie

Abby flinched when Ellie said that but Ellie hadn't really meant that as a comment about Abby, despite their story. 

\- Indeed we are - said Elena - enjoy your meal

Elena smiled and left them and went to one of the rooms. There were other people in different rooms, some hurt and some resting and they couldn’t tell what ailed them. Andrea, Alejandro and Elena seemed to have their hands full. The little girl, Lulu, would come and bring them food but not steal this time. It occurred to Ellie that maybe she hadn't eaten the bread that time because she was hungry but rather to show them it was safe to eat. It seemed she wasn't as scared as before now. She would come, leave the food and go to another room and distribute more food. They must be quite busy if they needed this little girl to help them or maybe she was doing it because she wanted to.

Lev was better the following day and asked to leave. Elena insisted he should rest more but Ellie and Abby agreed they needed to move. 

\- You were lucky Carlos found you but it seems that you are strong and will be fine but try and be more careful - said Elena

\- As if that is possible - commented Abby

\- True… but I think it would be better if someone could accompany you guys but we are too busy and no one can go with you - said Elena

\- I can help - said Carlos, that was apparently hiding behind a table

Alejandro came after him and it seemed they were fighting over something. Lulu came and she was observing the conversation from the entrance. Andrea came too and said no to anything that Carlos would say. He left the room angrily and then Andrea and Lulu went after him. Alejandro went to check on the other people.

\- What happened? - asked Lev

\- Carlos wants to show you an easy way to the next town but Andrea doesn’t want him to do that, obviously - said Elena

\- How old is he? - asked Abby

\- He’s 15, he thinks he is already a man but he is just an ass - said Elena - making his sister’s life more difficult

\- It’s kind of him to help but we are fine, if you can show us the way, I am sure we’ll manage - said Ellie

\- Well, if you go by this route - said Elena pointing at a map they had in the wall of the room - and avoid this area, you should reach the next town safely, hope you don't get lost

. Thank you - said Ellie

Andrea had come back and heard them talk. She came into the room, looked at them, at their guns and said to them.

\- Those are good people there, they won’t hurt you, please don’t shoot them - said Andrea

\- We won’t - said Lev - we only use these to survive

\- Yeah, everyone says that - said Andrea, unconvinced - there are some people that just want to live, nothing more, if you are truly just passing through, do that and don’t bother us, please

\- Jeez, sorry for being here, not that we wanted to - said Ellie

\- I'm sorry but she's right, many people do say that and then they start killing us, trade is important to survive but we never know what kind of person will come next - said Elena, trying to sound conciliatory

\- I see, I am sorry about it, we don’t want to bother, we just want to continue - said Lev

\- Good - said Andrea

\- It’s not their fault - said Elena

\- They were pointing their guns at Carlos and Lulu, I need to know - said Andrea, pointing at them.

 _Ouch_ _, that stung_ thought Ellie. Could they really blame them though? The world out there was shit and even after crossing the borders they had been through some towns where people were clearly not as nice as these people here. 

So they looked at the route, Abby marked it on her map and they left. It seemed it was all going to be fine but on their way they found more infected and tried their best to be quiet about disposing them but several stalkers started attacking them and brought shamblers with them. They ran and fought and then seemed to be trapped in an alley when someone lowered a ladder and they escaped the infected. To their surprise, the ones who had saved them were Carlos and Lulu.

\- What are you doing here? - asked Lev

\- He wanted to help - said Lulu, holding a knife in her hand as if her life depended on it 

\- Oh, so you understand us? - said Ellie

\- I do - said Lulu 

She was tiny, and was still looking at them as if they were worse than the infected. Carlos, on the other hand, was beaming and pointing at them where to go. He was such a cheerful but too trusting guy. The girl had a right to be scared of them, she did not know if they were good people. They could easily kill them, no wonder Carlos’s sister looked like she was as tired as she was. 

\- The poor sister is going to freak out - said Lev

\- We know our way back - said Lulu

\- Have you gone there before? - asked Abby

\- Many times - replied Lulu

\- How old are you? - asked Lev

Lulu looked at him suspiciously and seemed to analyze him for a while then whispered

\- 14, now shh - and she put a finger in front of her mouth to shush them

That girl didn’t look a day older than 11 maybe, she was so tiny but then again, in these conditions few people could really eat that much, in particular orphans. They had to cross some badly made bridges and down there they saw shamblers and other infected. Eventually they seemed to be safe and they saw that the next town was there. The town had walls with spikes, probably to keep the infected away. Carlos laughed and spoke to Lulu for a while. It seemed they really enjoyed each other’s company. She was stern all the time except when looking at Carlos, and even though he was very bright and happy, when looking at her he was even more bright. Suddenly Lulu looked at them and said:

\- There is the town, people are nice, don’t shoot at them - said Lulu and went down a ladder

\- We sure made an impression on her - said Abby

\- And on the other doctor too, at least we are not staying here - said Ellie

The people in town were happy to see Carlos although they seemed to reprimand him a bit when they saw he brought Lulu along. They looked at Abby, Lev and her with curiosity but weariness too. Carlos talked to them and it seemed he was explaining something and then the people seemed to be fine again.

\- What is happening? - asked Ellie to Lulu

\- He just told them you are just passing by and are harmless - said Lulu - what a lie

\- Lulu, we are really sorry for pointing at you and Carlos, we didn’t know if we could trust you - said Ellie

Lulu looked at them and analysed them for a few seconds then said. 

\- Ok, you are forgiven, if you are truly sorry

\- We are - said Abby

\- I accept then - said Lulu and smiled shyly - Now come, people have questions 

\- But we're just passing by - complained Abby

\- People are still curious - said Lulu as if that settled the matter

They followed her to a house where people brought food to them and kids looked from the windows as if they were the attraction of the day. They probably were. It was odd but strangely peaceful. Ellie started to feel that if there were more people like these then all the travels and all the fucked up shit they had been through would be worth it. That historian in Jackson was wrong, there was some goodness out there in the world still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I leave it open to interpretation whether Lulu is related in some way to Abby or not.


	35. Abby

Lulu was quite remarkable. She translated all the conversation which was not short or entirely clear either. Abby had to admit that Lulu, with her blond hair and curious eyes sort of reminded her of herself as a kid. Maybe there was something about her that was similar, maybe Ellie had not been joking when she said that there was some resemblance. 

The people in the town were very curious about the travelers and where they were going. Abby told them they were going to see friends on the coast. She couldn't really trust these people like that. She told them about how the way was blocked and there seemed to be no other way than to go through the towns. The townspeople looked at each other and they mentioned that the reason had been some bandits that used to wait for people to pass through to steal everything from them and that the previous town and their own town had decided to confront them and only recently they had been able to eliminate the threat. They briefly mentioned that the bandits had done all sorts of atrocities, such as burning schools with kids inside it. But now they were all dead so there was nothing to worry. They mentioned that they didn’t have time to clear the path yet but that it was something they eventually wanted to do, so people wouldn’t necessarily had to go through these towns and maybe leave them all alone. The people also wanted to know if they had seen new types of infected and Ellie decided to be honest and told them all they had seen. She was even nice enough to make drawings for them. Carlos was particularly interested in the new infected and praised Ellie for her drawings and was very enthusiastic about them after hearing the translation by Lulu. He asked many things about how they had defeated the infected. Other people asked them more questions and Lev and Ellie answered very honestly about the infected and how hard it was to defeat some of them. When they heard Ellie exaggerating how good were Lev and Abby at killing them Abby felt she needed to intervene and comment how effective Ellie was on that aspect too. The townspeople seemed surprised and praised all three of them. Carlos looked very impressed and asked her what her training routine was. A couple of other people asked about it and Abby had to admit she felt very flattered. They hadn't found until then a group of people that were that welcoming to them. 

Lev was smiling with all the attention too, and Ellie was laughing. Despite how happy they felt at the moment Abby remembered Ellie and Lev they had to leave and reluctantly they left these people. They were told they would be welcomed any time in the future and thanked them for the information. A group of older people that seemed to be in charge of the place remained in the house discussing something, maybe the new information, and Carlos guided them to show them how to get to the next city. Lulu accompanied them too. She told them that people in the next town were a bit more wary but they were ok.

They had to go through some dense vegetation, very elevated areas, then when they reached the city, climb to the floor of a building and go through flimsy bridges in the top floors but even this wasn't as bad as the seraphites bridges. 

At some point Ellie slipped and almost fell. Abby reacted fast and grabbed her arm but then she might have exaggerated with her eagerness to help Ellie. Abby actually used such strength to push Ellie upwards and into safer ground that Ellie ended up colliding with Abby and Abby almost fell backwards. Then Ellie, trying to stop Abby from falling, quickly put her arm in Abby’s waist and held her. Abby, in an effort to not fall, also put an arm in Ellie’s back. Thus, they ended up in an awkward hug, with Ellie looking up at Abby in surprise and both breathless in each other's arms.

\- Thanks - said Ellie in a low voice, almost awkwardly

Ellie was looking at Abby's eyes and Abby couldn't help but think once again what a lovely shade of green those eyes were. She couldn't also avoid noticing how close to each other they were. Ellie's arm was still in Abby's waist, and her other hand had ended up on Abby’s chest, their legs were tangled and their pelvis were touching. Abby was still holding Ellie's arm and they were both breathing quite heavily from the effort and for some reason neither was letting the other go. Ellie was warm in Abby's arms and even though they were both smelly and sweaty, Abby didn't mind.

\- You're welcome - replied Abby in a barely audible voice, still breathing heavily, mostly for other reasons than the effort she just used.

Ellie nodded and then let Abby go so Abby released her too. It felt suddenly cold without Ellie in her arms.

\- Estan como Elena y Patricia, cuando estaban empezando a salir - said Carlos

\- Patricia la cocinera y la doctora Elena? Creo que son más agradables, esta gente no es de fiar - said Lulu

\- Creo que están bien - said Carlos and shrugged

Ellie asked what was happening and Lulu explained that Carlos was under the impression Abby and Ellie were dating. Both Ellie and Abby jumped to clarify that wasn't the case.

\- Que pasó?

\- Dicen que no están juntas

Carlos laughed. 

.- Tienen vergüenza y no notan que se gustan. En serio, iguales a Elena y Patricia, tan infantil - said Carlos and continued walking

\- Es normal que la gente que se gusta tenga vergüenza - said Lulu and shrugged

\- Es de niños - Carlos turned and looked at Lulu - a mi me gustas y te lo dije ya

\- No toda la gente es tan audaz - said Lulu looking at him and blinking

\- Es perder el tiempo, con como va todo, poca gente vive lo suficiente para hacer esas estupideces - said Carlos, turned and continued walking - es obvio que se quieren

\- No es nuestro problema, por mi que las coman los monstruos - said Lulu

\- Ay, Lulu, siempre simpática - said Carlos and laughed

Ellie asked again what was funny and why Carlos laughed and Lulu just said Carlos thought that Ellie and Abby looked cute together. Abby didn't say a word about that. Ellie looked at her and it seemed she wanted to say something but decided against it. Then she looked at Lev and it seemed that made her change her mind.

\- We're not… not together, we're all just friends - said Ellie

Lulu and Carlos looked at each other and laughed.

Abby didn't know if she was imagining things but she would have sworn Ellie sounded slightly disappointed. Maybe she wanted to reprise the joke of them being together but didn't think Abby would agree. Abby herself didn't know how she would react if Ellie did that again. She imagined Ellie holding her arm then maybe trying to hold her hand and felt her face growing hot. She shook her head and tried to avoid thinking about it.

_ Not a good idea, she better not try it _ , thought Abby.

Then they were about to reach the place when they lost sight of Carlos. They were on the top floor of an old warehouse and they looked and looked for him but he was nowhere. Lulu was becoming desperate and then he appeared behind some boxes. She went to complain to him and they talked for a while. Then he gave her a flower. She looked at it and smiled then put it in her hair.

\- What happened, where did he go? - asked Abby

\- He says he was looking for another path, he lied, this is the only path

\- Why would he lie? - asked Lev

\- He is just curious whenever he sees something he has to check, like this - said Lulu showing them the flower

Abby felt she should scold this boy but at the same time, disappearing just to bring a flower to this girl, and the happiness of that girl after that… it was just too damn cute. The girl was so obviously flattered about it and she was proudly wearing it now. Lulu then went and walked next to Carlos and he grabbed her hand and they smiled at each other. Abby couldn’t help but remember what Bob had said about foolish young love and the ridiculous things people in love do for their loved ones. She remembered her first crush when she was Lulu's age, a boy who never even realized she liked him and this girl here seemed to handle relationships better than Abby did even now. Lulu wasn't trying to hide it and she wasn't ashamed of her feelings but it also seemed she wouldn't take Carlos bullshit either. 

True to Lulu's word, people in that place were not so happy to see foreigners but it seemed that seeing them with the kids saved them from being shot. Even though these people were wary they still asked a couple of questions and seemed interested in knowing how things were going outside their city. After discussing for some time the people let them rest in one room. 

\- Lulu, shouldn't you and Carlos go back? - asked Ellie

\- No - said Lulu looking at Carlos

\- But what about his sister? She's probably very worried

Lulu spoke a bit with the boy and then she explained to Ellie

\- He thinks his sister is too busy and always annoyed at him so he's better here, helping you. He feels useful

\- Oh, I'm sorry about that. I still think she's probably missing you

\- Yeah - said Lev - I had a sister and we used to fight too, but that doesn't mean you hate your sibling

Lulu spoke more with Carlos and he seemed to be thinking. He asked more questions to Lev through Lulu, then eventually he said that the next day he would go back. 

Soon after that they fell asleep. At some point during the night she heard someone banging at the door and she went to see who it was. Andrea almost fell when Abby opened the door. 

\- Where are they? - Andrea yelled

\- In the next room

Andrea looked at them with daggers in her eyes but quickly went to check. 

\- They aren't here, where the fuck are they? - Andrea yelled more

Lev went to check and said they weren't there.

\- We don't know - Ellie admitted - they were here just before we went to sleep

\- They followed us, we didn't ask them to come - said Abby

Andrea seemed like she wanted to continue screaming at them but then they heard someone

screaming for help. Lulu came into the room crying.

\- Calm down. What's going on? - asked Ellie to an inconsolable Lulu

\- He disappeared, they saw him going to the forbidden area, you need to help him

Andrea paled and went outside. Only then Lulu seemed to notice she was there. 

\- When did she arrive? 

\- Just now. But tell us what is this area? - asked Lev

\- It's down a basement, it's full of those infected, please. - Lulu cried - No one will go for him but you are strong, you can save him 

\- Show us where it is - said Abby

Lulu showed them where they had to go and it was a spores filled area. Some people were there and were trying to stop Andrea from going in. They talked to her and after a while convinced her they were better suited to go after him. They all wore their masks and said nothing to Lulu who waited for them. When they had been down there for a while Ellie voiced their concerns.

\- I hope he was wearing a mask

\- Me too - said Lev

Abby remembered his smile and how his eyes had shone when he heard their stories about infected. No one wanted to have to kill that boy.

There were many infected there and they had to get rid of them while searching for the boy. Many of these had been military at some point because of their clothes and had helmets, so it proved harder to do. They didn't care about freeing the area so they tried to be discreet. However several infected fell from the ceiling and they were not able to be as discreet as they had wanted. Shamblers and some merged infected came to them but they were strategic about their elimination and managed to have part of the building falling on top of runners and clickers while they used their bullets on the hardest foes.

When they were losing hope they saw Carlos standing a red growth in the floor. He stood up and turned. The place was full of spores and he wasn't wearing any masks so Abby feared the worst. But then she noticed that he was not coughing. He was immune like Ellie! Abby laughed without thinking and that attracted some clickers. She killed them with ease, just crushing them to the walls or breaking them against each other, she even broke one’s head with her hands. She was so relieved she didn't care about the other infected that were coming her way. They had to get the boy out of this place. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are wondering what the kids are saying, they are basically saying that Abby and Ellie are cowards because it is obvious they like each other. Carlos has already told Lulu he likes her and thinks it is a waste of time not to tell the person you like that you do since at any given moment you can die abruptly. Lulu is being a little mean but then again she has not entirely forgiven Abby and Ellie for scaring her.


	36. Ellie

With a lot of effort they managed to leave the place with Carlos, it had taken them so much time it was becoming early morning. Carlos seemed to be in shock. In all the time they had known this was the first time he was so quiet. She had also been quite surprised that time she didn’t turn when she was just a kid. He was only two years older than she had been. Ellie couldn’t believe her luck, to finally meet someone else like her! There were indeed other immune people. She couldn’t help but think of Joel and the lie he had invented about there being other immune people out there. 

_ It wasn’t a lie Joel, there really are others like me! _ , thought Ellie. She imagined what Joel would have said. Maybe he would have been relieved, maybe he would have made a joke, said “I told you so” or something. Ellie smiled slightly sad that Joel couldn’t be there to see this. “See no, no need for you to die” Jel would have said. At least that was what Ellie imagined he would say. 

Then she looked at Lev and Abby. Although the one next to her was Joel’s killer, she had not thought about Abby in those terms in some time, weeks, maybe even months. Abby was something else now. Briefly the image of having her in her arms when Abby tried to help Ellie came to her mind but she shook it off. She had no time for that and for how confused it made her feel. This was an important moment and she was amazed at being that lucky to have found another immune person. Abby was just as happy as Ellie herself was that this kid was not infected. The only one who remained serious was Lev.

\- Don’t worry, it will all be fine, we will explain to them - said Ellie

Ellie was hopeful, this was the first time she had seen another person who could breath in the spores like her, she had so much she could tell this little boy. 

When Andrea saw him she went to him and hugged him, Lulu came crying behind and hugged him too. They spoke to him and thanked Abby, Ellie and Lev. Abby was smiling but Lev seemed pensieve. 

\- How is he not infected? He’s not even coughing and he was not wearing a mask - asked Andrea

\- He is immune, we have seen other people who were - said Abby 

Ellie looked at her, it seemed Abby had no intention in revealing that Ellie was also immune. Ellie was not happy about this but she let it slide this time. This was great news! More people were becoming immune! It was not a lie and indeed she was not alone. Ellie was too happy to care about other people’s fears right now. To complete the perfect picture, the morning was beautiful that day. They had saved that kid, he was immune and his sister and Lulu were so happy now. Everything was so perfect that Ellie almost believed she was in a dream. She hadn't been this hopeful in years. Things were finally improving for all of them. Ellie felt triumphant and in the mood for celebration.

\- This is a miracle! - said Andrea and looked at Carlos and touched his face.

He was still unresponsive. Both Andrea and Lulu spoke to him but he was just staring at something behind them. Then they moved him and went to the people in the main square. Ellie removed her mask and was going to follow Andrea but Lev put a hand on her and asked both her and Ellie to speak in private.

\- What’s going on? - asked Abby when they were further away from them

\- Didn’t you see anything strange down there? - Lev whispered

\- Apart from this kid being unaffected by spores, no - said Ellie but she wasn’t sure now. 

\- How come he survived down there? - asked Lev

\- Well, he is immune, obviously - said Abby

\- Yeah, like me. - whispered Ellie happily. She still couldn't believe her luck.

\- Ellie, you are immune but the infected still attack you

\- Yes, we know this, so? - asked Ellie not understanding what was Lev on about

\- They did not attack him - clarified Lev

\- We don’t know that, maybe he was lucky - said Abby\- I didn’t really notice them not attacking him

\- I saw it - said Lev 

Ellie felt all her hopes vanish and fear overcame her instead.

\- What? - asked Ellie

\- I saw infected avoiding him - said Lev - they don't avoid people 

They heard people speaking nervously. They turned to look at how people were making room for Carlos, Andrea and Lulu. They were far away enough that Ellie didn't really need to whisper anymore. Andrea was talking to the people and probably explaining what happened while Carlos detached himself from her but Lulu was near him stil, holding his arm and talking to him. Carlos kept ignoring her. People were looking at Carlos with mistrust as he seemed to want to get near them. He had his hand in his pockets and seemed to be looking for something in there. More people approached but remained a bit far from them and just whispered among themselves.

\- But, he was not coughing, he looks fine - said Ellie 

Ellie gave a step in the direction Carlos and the rest were, thinking she needed to go see what was happening. Carlos placed something on the floor. What was he doing? Something was off but she did not accept what Lev was telling her. There could be something wrong with Carlos but that did not mean he was infected. He did not look infected. Did he?

\- Does he? He is not responding to Lulu - insisted Lev and grabbed Ellie’s arm, stopping her

Ellie looked at Lev. He seemed to be very serious and although some of what he was saying made sense she just could not process it. Abby was just looking at them and seemed as undecided as Ellie.

\- He is just in shock, I was too when-

\- Ellie, I think this is like that guy at the mall - interrupted Lev  


\- What? - Ellie felt confused

\- Remember? Those strange structures down there where we found Carlos, don’t you remember the mall? The spore tree? And the vacant stare of that man at the mall where we almost died?

\- No, this… I mean - Ellie didn’t want to accept this but Lev was making sense, that man and his vacant stare had been haunting her dreams for a while - it might not be that, anyone would be shocked to survive what Carlos did, this must be-

The sound of flesh tearing apart and a piercing scream broke the placidity of the morning. Ellie stopped talking and looked in the direction of the horrific sound. She saw people running to their homes. Abby, Lev and her saw that in the place where Carlos had been there was some tree like formation. Exactly like the one they had seen at that mall. Ellie observed in pure horror how in the center of the park there were now his remains and from every orifice there were several of those red fungal growths and one had come from his chest. One of them had broken through Lulu. Ellie, shook off Lev’s hand and ran to them. The structure started trembling and although she screamed at them to run away it was too late. The people were too confused or maybe they didn’t understand her. The structure opened and thousands of spores were released into the air. The people who had remained either out of shock or morbid curiosity ran to their homes but others wouldn’t let them in, it was a disaster.

Only Andrea remained by her brother’s remains. Bathed in Carlos and Lulu’s blood. She approached Lulu and gently removed her from the structure. Ellie was almost near them now.

\- No, stay away

\- But

\- Stay away! And put on a mask

\- But

\- Just do it!

Ellie stopped protesting and put her mask on again.

Andrea grabbed Lulu’s hand and talked to her, she was crying and her wounds were so bad there was no way to save her. Even less now that they were covered in spores. The strange thing was that they were not coughing. Andrea sang a lullaby to Lulu until she stopped crying and stopped moving altogether. 

Ellie felt her knees failing her and she ended up sitting on the floor in hopelessness. Abby and Lev came to Ellie’s side with their masks on. Neither spoke, they just observed everything in shock. At the feet near where Carlos was there were more of those red structures that seemed like they were just 'planted' now. Were those placed by him? Did he get them from down there where they rescued him from? How could this have happened? 

When Andrea made sure Lulu was really dead she closed her eyes and stayed there while she asked them to detail everything since they had left her hospital. They did, trying to remember every detail. When they told her about the warehouse and the time that Carlos had disappeared for a while Andrea’s eyes widened and then asked them to continue but she lowered her head. Then they told her about when he had disappeared that night and Lev mentioned how they had found him and how the infected had avoided him. 

\- That warehouse, I went by with him a couple of times, there were some pretty flowers down there but - she shook her head - nearby there were these weird red fungal growths. I always told him not to go near it. He always wanted to give them to Lulu. 

Andrea caressed Lulu’s face and placed her on the floor. Then she went to what remained of her brother and touched an arm. Then she screamed and cried for a while. Ellie cried too and she felt Abby shaking too. Lev stared and silently cried. 

Andrea tried to calm herself then spoke again.

\- Write all of this. Make two copies. Give them both to Soona, you will find her over there - she pointed at some houses far away - in the house next to that one with the red door. Tell her one is for Helen and the other is for her. Will you do that?

\- Of course - said Abby in a broken voice

\- Good, you also need to check who was exposed to these spores

\- Why? - asked Ellie, not liking at all where this was going

\- Because you need to kill them

\- But - protested Lev

\- They may not look infected, from what you tell me he didn’t - she pointed at her brother - but he probably was since yesterday 

Andrea sighed and caressed what remained of her brother’s face. Then, before they could protest she took a gun and shot herself in the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fungi can have more than one type of spores so it is possible that different spores that infect you but don’t make you cough evolve to infect and confuse the human hosts. And if you check the cordyceps sort of turn insects into zombies that makes them want to be in a position where they can help them spread more. Andrea was aware she was infected and this was the best way to ensure she did not become a spore tree or something. I know this was rather heavy but then again, if you played both of these games you know these kinds of things happen often.


	37. Abby

Neither of them had the guts to kill those desperate people who were begging to enter their own homes. Ellie did as Andrea asked and wrote everything they knew about the events with Carlos, twice. They went to Soona’s home but of course no one opened their doors to them so they simply slid the papers on their doors and went on their way. Before leaving the town Lev prayed a bit and then they continued. They had already left but on their way they heard gunshots and imagined that maybe these people themselves had taken care of those unknowingly infected people. Ellie turned to watch, she was still shaken. After the shootings they saw smoke coming from the town they had just left. They were probably burning down that spore tree. Abby wondered if they were burning down the people they had just killed too and the thought made her nauseous. 

\- Come - said Lev softly

He placed a hand on Ellie’s shoulder but she kept watching the smoke as it grew and rose. Lev waited. Ellie eventually looked at him, her eyes were wide and full of shock and pain. Ellie swallowed and then nodded. She lowered her head and followed Lev. Abby looked once more and then followed them too.

That night by the fire Ellie openly cried and Lev held her shoulders. They were all extremely exhausted and Lev also cried a bit in silence. Abby was trying her best to hold on and she would have succeeded but somehow seeing Ellie in that state was too much and made her cry too.

  
  


\- You know, the worst part is that I am so fucking selfish - said Ellie furiously drying her tears with her hands

\- Why are you saying that? - said Abby

\- I was so happy thinking that maybe, just maybe I am not alone, that someone else out there is also immune - said Ellie

\- I don’t think that makes you a bad person, I was also happy when I met other kids and adults like me, I think it’s normal to want to find someone in the same circumstances - said Lev

\- I guess it can be - reflected Ellie, still sobbing 

\- Hey - said Abby touching Ellie’s knees affectionately - you are not a selfish person, I mean, you are travelling all this way to help others

Ellie smiled briefly

\- Thanks…

\- It was really a fucked up situation, I have never seen that type of infected before. A person who looks normal and then just becomes _ that _ and spreads spores - commented Abby

\- Me neither, we never heard about that before - said Ellie, then something came to her mind - although… Lev, you mentioned that man in the mall...

\- The man with the vacant stare? - asked Lev

\- You did mention it - noted Abby - and that mall, it had that spore tree, like the one that sprouted now from Carlos

\- Do you think that is common over here? - wondered Lev

\- If what I read is correct, this infection… it all started much further south, but then if it spread somehow here before where we live then… I guess it is possible that there would be other forms of infected here - said Abby

\- They did use some machines to check on us last time we were in there - remembered Lev

\- Really? wow, haven’t seen those in ages - recognized Ellie

\- You know those machines? - said Abby

\- Yeah, I used to live in a quarantine zone, it was a terrible place - remembered Ellie - if you were positive they killed you

\- I was wondering about that, does it mean you were…?

\- Positive? Yes

\- Well, luckily I didn’t lose the paper Dr Sonia gave me, otherwise the military over there could shoot you too - said Abby

\- Kinda awkward, going all this way then they shoot me, how anti-climatic 

Abby laughed, Ellie was just impossible. Even in these shitty conditions she could make a joke like that. They were all still pretty down but talking honestly by the fire slowly became their way to cope.

After a few days Abby saw the hospital and showed it to Ellie and Lev. They were both happy to get there but Abby felt somewhat reluctant. She was almost disappointed they arrived, she had started to enjoy again those nights by the fire with Ellie. Apart from that, she felt that she needed to think this better, she felt that maybe this was not a good idea after all. 

\- What are we waiting for? Let’s go! - said Ellie smiling

\- Can’t believe we are finally here - said a satisfied Lev

\- Are you two sure about this? - said Abby

\- What do you mean? - asked Ellie with a curious look

\- I mean… this place - said Abby worriedly - what if… what if they can’t make it, what if we waste our time there, what if-

\- What if they make a vaccine and we save humanity? - said Ellie and she started to sound impatient - let’s not lose time, let’s just go and stop saying nonsense 

\- Ellie, wait - said Abby and she almost grabbed Ellie’s arm but desisted in the last minute - I am just worried, one of the doctors, Lucia, she said that they might want to lock you up

Ellie looked at her and her impatience seemed to increase.

\- Then we go, they take enough samples, make their test and when we figure that they are done we escape 

\- It might not be that easy - said Abby

\- But we can try - said Lev

\- Yeah, Lev here understands, we have to do this, I have to do this - said Ellie pointing at herself

\- What if we can’t, then what? Are you going to stay and live there forever? - said Abby

\- What are you doing? We came all the way here so you’ll chicken out at the last second? No, we are going now and if you are that scared, then I will go there by myself

Ellie gave a step in the direction of the hospital but Abby placed herself in front of her. She didn’t know why she was doing this.

\- What the fuck is wrong with you? - asked Ellie 

The anger in her voice reminded Abby of their past but Abby raised her hands in front of Ellie and tried to calm her down. Lev looked at Abby in confusion but let her speak.

\- Just hear me out, I just think that you need to consider that is an option, that we can just go back, you can be with your family, maybe this isn’t worth it

Anger, impatience, tiredness and then… nostalgia? Ellie’s face seemed to show those emotions in that order and let Abby confused. Then Ellie sighed and finally answered.

\- No, Abby, you are wrong, this is worth it, for at least a chance of a vaccine, it is worth it. Now please, can we just go? - said Ellie

\- But- - said Abby

\- Abby - interrupted Lev - we have been through all of this to bring Ellie here, let’s just finish what we started, please

Abby felt defeated, in part she wanted to try and stop them but she knew they were right. The chance to make a cure was just too important to let it be ruined by a hunch so she directed them to the hospital. But she felt disgusted with herself, she felt as if she was taking Ellie to a slaughterhouse. 

The place was heavily guarded as before but the note that doctor Sonia Odhiambo had given her still worked and they could go through without being scanned. When they were inside Dr Sonia welcomed them warmly and hugged a very uncomfortable Ellie. In fact they all hugged her and Ayulia even kissed her in the cheeks. Well, all hugged her except Lucia, who was very happy but only held her hands briefly. She then went and did hug Abby who became even more uncomfortable than Ellie. She noticed Ellie and Lev were laughing about this and she rolled her eyes. 

They were all extremely thankful to Abby and Lev. They let them wash and gave them a change of clothes. Ellie didn't remove her bracelet but accepted the other clothes. 

Abby then mentioned the events at the mall and then with Carlos and the doctors started taking notes and thanked them for the news. Lucia mentioned that it was potentially a new form of spores, since fungi can have several types of spores. She mentioned that in insects attacked by a similar species, the fungus can control the insect in its favour to facilitate it's dispersal. These new infected were probably designed to improve dispersal capacity. She showed them graphics and calculations that made them all dizzy but then Mario interrupted and mentioned they must all be very tired. 

Abby and Lev were directed to their rooms and asked to rest which they did gladly. 

Early in the morning someone entered their room and Abby almost shot her but then noticed it was Lucia. 

\- Thanks for not killing me, now I need you to listen - whispered Lucia

\- What? - said a drowsy Abby, when was this woman going to learn to give her space?

\- Listen, they will offer to you guys to be a part of our net. Of the  _ Red Cascabel _ . You have to say yes

\- No, we're part of the Fireflies - explained Abby

\- When you guys didn't return to base months ago, they sent another group, we told them what had happened and that you didn't mention where the patient lives. That was our agreement you would bring her here. The collaboration remains but they didn't seem pleased with you. Don't ever go back

Abby was shocked, why would they be upset with her over this? 

\- I have other reasons to ask this of you but I have to hurry, don't fight it much, just agree, try to look passive, don't ask many questions

Then Lucia left hurriedly. Dr Sonia did ask that day if Abby could belong to their group and Abby pretended to agree and when Lev protested she said they would discuss it but made it seem that they were indeed going to stay. Abby talked to Lev later that day and explained they needed to pretend to be fine with everything. Lev didn't understand but they decided to try not to ask much. The place was full of doctors and guards that seemed well prepared to kill anyone who opposed them but Abby knew that Lev, Ellie and herself could definitely overpower these people. But they needed the doctors alive and she knew that in a commotion it was not going to be easy to avoid killing the wrong person. She discussed this with Lev and he agreed. They needed the doctors to make the cure. But she was getting worried that they still hadn’t seen Ellie since they arrived. After two weeks Lucia came again at night to Abby's room and explained that they were performing many tests on Ellie and that she was being kept in a safe place. That if they continued working and seeming fine with all in a week they would see her. She seemed tired and was in a hurry so she left before they could ask more but Abby grabbed her arm and demanded:

\- Why are you asking us to be like that and why can't we see her? 

\- She's fine, safe, you… you aren't, if you don't behave you'll die

After that Lucia left. Abby almost felt sorry for Lucia’s naivete, of course the area was full of very armed people but Lucia did not know how deadly they could be if they set their minds to it. The way the guards and everyone looked at them made it seem like what Lucia said was very true. 

It was very enervating but Lev and Abby decided to keep the facade and in the meantime gather as much intel as possible. They kept telling each other that this time was different from the time with the rattlers, they were free to move and they might be in a heavily guarded area but they still knew their way around it and they would find a way to recover true freedom. They examined every potential route of escape. Every guard schedule, everything to the minute detail. A week after the last encounter with Lucia, Dr Sonia called them and thanked them for being so helpful. She said that they could have some time to talk to Ellie. 

They were taken to some heavily guarded area and then after many doors they arrived at a room and behind a glass was Ellie. She was in an even bigger room with sports facilities, a big bed and all sorts of things. 

\- Lev, Abby - said Ellie in a hopeful tone - you are alive!

Something in Abby moved when seeing Ellie, she was fine!

\- Ellie - said both Lev and Abby

\- Tienen una hora - said one of the guards and then the guards left

\- I'm so glad to see you, how have you been? I've been asking so much about you - said Ellie

\- We were wondering about you too - said Abby and Lev gave her a look

\- What happened?

\- I think it's more important to know what happened to you - said Abby wanting to deviate the conversation, she didn’t want to worry Ellie too much

\- Well, they have done several tests on me, took samples of every fluid in my body, and I mean everything! - said Ellie

\- Ew - said Abby

\- Yeah, it's crazy, they also feed me very well, talking about food, Lev you can try fungus here! They have this infected corn that they eat, you can try

\- Is that safe? - asked Lev

\- Yeah! I tried, this is your chance, like we talked, and then you can come and tell me what you think about it

\- I will ask about it - promised Lev and then pointed at the treadmill - I see that you are keeping in shape

\- Yes I am, I want Dina to be surprised when she sees how well in shape I am when I am back. I asked to be let go for runs but instead they brought this treadmill and bicycle here. They also brought these small weights. Abby, I can tell them to let you use the gym! I’m sure you want to stay as ripped as always. 

\- Uhm… ok, thanks - said Abby a bit awkwardly - they are trying to keep you happy I see

\- Yeah! I bet if I ask for a dinosaur they would build one here for me, maybe even a spaceship - said Ellie trying to sound cheerful - I was asking constantly to see you guys but they always avoid the topic. I bet I only saw you because this doctor Ayulia was saying something about keeping my mental health in check

\- Really? - said Lev

\- Yeah, she was very insistent, then I think one of the guys was trying to convince the others too, I think he is called Mario

\- That's unexpected - said Lev

\- Why? - asked Ellie

\- One of the doctors seems like she wants to help us but she is not the one you mentioned, unless she is either working against us and just playing us, this is all very suspicious - said Lev in a low voice

\- Yeah, we are under the impression we are all prisoners. We are apparently part of this group - whispered Abby - but they keep giving us the impression that they may not want to let us go

Ellie's face fell and she looked down

\- I know - Ellie whispered - it does seem they want to keep me here for very long, they never mentioned for how long when I asked but this is needed. We came all the way for this, at least I have to stay longer…

\- Don’t be ridiculous, we aren’t going without you - said Abby

\- Fuck that - said Lev

That seemed to cheer Ellie up slightly. 

\- When we came here months ago they said something like three months - said Lev sounding doubtful, he didn’t remember that Lucia said 3, 6 months or a year.

\- Three months… - said Ellie and then sighted - I can do three months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think it’s asinine to scan people when this is a facility of doctors that are trying to make a cure - where the immune people can be confused with an infected in that scan - then you don’t know about the stupidity of military operations and of bureaucracy in many countries.


	38. Ellie

Ellie didn't stay there three months. It was already a year and Ellie was still in her glass cage. A very pretty but suffocating cage. The glass was very strong and she had calculated that she would need to try a few tries to break it, but by then the guards would probably be already inside and maybe they would sedate her or something and she didn’t want to seem like a complicated patient. She had already such reduced freedom, she wouldn’t bear it if they took more from her. From what she had gathered while talking with Lev and Abby, there could be very bad consequences for her doing that and she was heavily guarded. The doctors were with her very often and in particular one doctor called Mario tried talking to her a lot. But although he was kind and seemed to like talking to her, Ellie couldn't help but feel like a rat. She hoped it was all worth it.

She just wished Dina was there, she wanted to hug her at least one time. She dreamed with her and JJ every night and some days it felt too real and she wished the dream did not end.

The only positive side in the whole mess was she got two visitors, Lev and Abby, everyday. Sometimes more than once. At some point Abby managed to convince the others to be the one to take the food to Ellie and so she had more time to talk with a familiar face. Lev would tell her about what he had seen, how he had talked with others and managed to convince someone to transcribe the prophet’s book into Spanish. He would surely make a Mexican chapter of the Seraphites there soon. At least of his version of it.

Abby would tell her about the place, give her maps of the places and buildings, discuss plans with her and Ellie would tell Abby about what she knew about the advancements the team was making. 

\- You remember that fucked up town? 

\- Which one? - said Abby

\- The one where we met Bob and Grace, where they would keep them infected in the church? 

\- Yes, I remember those people

\- Well, according to Mario there's this group in Canada that is working to try and revert the infection

\- So it's possible? - said Abby sounding unbelieving. 

\- They think it might be possible, they are trading something with the military here. They will be coming by a big boat he said

\- Did he mention when?

\- He said something about next month. This other doctor, Lin said it seems they want to do surgery to me today, that I should rest

\- Do you have any idea why?

\- They said they wanted to remove some tissue, do some experiments

\- Sounds suspicious, they haven't tried to do that until now

\- It's fine I guess. I mean we did come here to help make the cure, might as well let them try different things, right?

\- This still isn't right - whispered Abby

\- Yeah but it's for a good reason. 

\- We could still escape - said Abby

\- Yeah, but at what cost? By dooming the rest of the world? I don’t think so - said Ellie firmly - not doing that shit again

\- You don’t know that, when I talked with Lucia she mentioned other people in other parts of the world working on vaccine options and that is just what she knows, there can be others out there, it does not need to depend on you and losing your freedom. You don't need to do this

Ellie couldn’t believe her ears and looked at Abby in amazement. Again, she sounded just like Joel would. She sounded anguished and protective. It was the strangest shit she ever experienced.

\- You don’t know if there are other immune people, or if they can reach any of the research groups, Abby we can save so many people here, we can’t fuck this up - Ellie begged

\- But you are still here locked… you shouldn't need to do this, we can go, you can go home

\- You know… this is probably going to sound awkward but what you said before we arrived at this hospital and now… Joel said the same to me years ago. We were almost reaching the Fireflies and he said to go back. I said no, all that I've done, it had to mean something. And now I'm here, I'm not giving up, this time I'm not fucking this up

Abby looked sad.

\- You remember what I told you? When I overheard my dad was discussing with Marlene? He insisted there was no other way - Abby scoffed - he was wrong of course, now we know. Marlene told him _what if it was Abby?_ That made him think so I told him if it was me, I would want the operation. I wanted to comfort him, assure him he was a good person, he felt bad for asking what he did but would still insist...

\- Well, for what is worth you were right there, you know that already - acknowledged Ellie

\- No, I wasn't, he was wrong in not having other options and he was wrong in not asking you - Abby seemed conflicted - I love my dad and I miss him but he was so wrong. How is it that you know that Joel was what he was but you don’t seem to have trouble remembering him lovingly?

\- Well, I actually understand the feeling, you know, that one’s father is wrong but that you still love them.. one of the reasons I had a hard time giving up on my revenge attempt was that my relationship with Joel had went to shits and it took me too long to forgive him - said Ellie looking down - for what he did, taking my choice away, he killed my chance of being the cure, or so I thought. I even told him we were done… 

\- I am… I can’t … I am so sorry - said Abby almost crying

\- It’s ok… I mean… I tried to reconnect with him, I avoided him for two years but then I decided to give him a chance - said Ellie - then you came and that was it… Look, I am not saying this for you to apologize again, it’s done, I am saying this because … Well, I really don’t know. I guess it is because you need to know that this is important to me, I lost too many people for this vaccine, it has to be made, this time it has to work

\- I know but - said Abby - keeping you here locked, this is wrong

Abby stared at Ellie and Ellie could see how guilty she was feeling. 

\- Hey, maybe the methods they are using are extreme but they are doing advancements - said Ellie trying to sound like she was fine - we have to hope something will work. I mean, imagine, if this is successful, no one else needs to die like Carlos and so many others, right?

\- I hope you are right

\- Yeah - said Ellie

Abby and Ellie remained quiet and then Abby spoke.

\- Lev told me you showed him your drawings of your child

\- Yeah I did that - Ellie had the feeling that Abby sounded reproachful but wasn’t sure so she asked - what about it?

\- Can I see?

\- Sure - she brought her notebook and put it against the glass so Abby could see

\- Here he is, look how cute he is, look at his cheeks, his hair is Dina's but he looks so much like his dad - said Ellie smiling

\- What does the dad say about you two raising his son, is he fine with it, does he visit? - Abby asked her

\- It was Jesse - Ellie interrupted, looking down

\- Oh, I'm sorry - said Abby - that was… the guy at the theater.. I...

\- Hey, it's in the past ok, it' done - said Ellie, noticing how Abby looked

\- Ok - said Abby but she didn't sound convinced

\- Jesse and her, they dated for a long time

\- And you guys… dated at the same time? - asked Abby

\- No, eww - said Ellie laughing a bit - I really never liked men that way, couldn't imagine myself dating a guy

\- No, I meant you and Dina

\- No, they dated on and off, Dina and I started when they broke off. Jesse was a friend, I don't think I could...

\- Oh, yeah, I guess you wouldn't be like that - said Abby

She sounded ashamed but Ellie's curiosity was piqued

\- Did you ever… find yourself in that sort of situation?

Abby sighed 

\- Yeah you could say that… - said Abby looking ashamed - with Owen

\- Oh, sorry - said Ellie, now it was her who felt mortified, she had killed him after all

\- No, I didn't mean to make you apologize, I meant… - Abby sighed again - Owen and I, we were together for a very long time but I guess in time he got tired of me

\- Why?

\- I wasn't able to let go, I just wanted to avenge my dad. I think that drove him away so, he ended up dating Mel, she even got pregnant from him

Ellie wanted to recoil from that memory, she had killed those people, she had killed that pregnant woman and she wanted to apologize again and again until she could talk no more but Abby seemed to have her mind elsewhere. Abby laughed mirthlessly 

\- I was so shocked when he told me… I guess he became more shocked with me when I did… what I did - Abby continued - you know, that time when you said you were tired of killing, that reminded me of him

Ellie was surprised by that statement

\- How so?

\- He said the same, he was tired of fighting, of killing seraphites, he wanted to look for the fireflies, I laughed it off but he was serious… I said some awful shit to him, that I had grown up and then he confronted me about how I had tortured and killed Joel.. we fought but then it just happened. I guess we never stopped caring for each other - said Abby

\- So you three were together? - said Ellie, actually quite curious about this concept

\- No, I mean, it just happened, with him - said Abby - he said we could find a way, that we deserved to be happy

\- Do you think Mel would have accepted that? - Ellie had the feeling she wouldn’t have but you never know.

\- No - said Abby, laughing at the idea - she wouldn't, she hated my guts

\- I thought you said she was your friend? - said Ellie mildly confused

\- Yeah but she was really disgusted by me after… after Jackson - confessed Abby - she even suspected I pretended to care about Lev and Yara to gain Owen back. I mean, I did kill several seraphites and so suddenly seeing me trying to protect two kids from that group.. She didn’t believe I was capable of a change of heart

\- That is just douchey, Lev told me about that and on top of that...after you told us about the big infected in the hospital.. no boyfriend is worth it

\- Well, Mel couldn't know

\- I guess she wasn't such a good friend after all

\- Maybe but I wish I hadn't slept with him while he was with her - Abby scratched her neck - that was shitty of me. Although, I don’t really regret the sex part, just that he was with her while we did it

\- Well, it's not like you fucked him on your own, he wanted it too, he wanted you

\- Yeah, I suppose so. 

\- I mean, why wouldn't he want you?

\- What do you mean? - asked Abby

She seemed disturbed by Ellie's comment.

\- Well, you two had history, I just don't think it's so strange that he wanted you - said Ellie, confused

Abby looked at her doubtfully, Ellie felt she had overstepped somehow but didn't know why.

\- Right… - said Abby but she still seemed suspicious. Then she shook her head and said - Sorry, you were supposed to be telling me about your kid and here I am deviating the conversation

\- Well, considering our history I guess it will happen from time to time - said Ellie, truthfully 

\- Maybe - acknowledged Abby - but now you should tell me, if you want

\- Of course I want to, it's my son, I want to talk about him - Ellie showed Abby her drawings again - here he is with Dina, he has her personality. They are both so smart, she was teaching him about probability

\- Already? Wasn’t he like six?

\- Yeah, he's very bright and so curious, always asks more complicated questions

\- And are you able to reply according to his expectations? 

\- We try our best

\- Sounds like you actually enjoy his difficult questions

\- I do, they can be hard but we all end up learning so it's good and Dina is so good at explaining things

Ellie continued talking and Abby admired the drawings silently while Ellie told her stories of JJ and Dina. She could be doing that all day and she actually did for hours and somehow it seemed like now it did not bother Abby at all. She only looked at Ellie and her drawings and smiled, asked more questions even. After that, Ellie felt she could endure the time in there just a little more.


	39. Dina

It was already a year and some months since Ellie had left. Cat's intentions were honest but Dina did not feel like talking much to her. They talked a couple of times and it seemed she missed Ellie as a friend and wished she was back too. In the last months they had been so occupied with cleaning the area of the never ending horde of infected that people had finally stopped annoying her with the idea of making a ceremony in honor of Ellie. Cat had been supportive and tried to help divert people whenever they wanted to approach Dina to talk about it. Dina appreciated it but she also realized it had not just been jealousy what had prevented her being friends with Cat. They were just not compatible, shared no interest or liked to spend time together or anything. Cat wasn’t a bad person she just wasn’t someone Dina could see herself being friends with. 

At the moment no one was asking Dina out but several people had tried by now, Dina had decided she still was not ready to move on. She still loved Ellie but no one expected Ellie to be alive anymore. Sometimes Dina herself doubted that Ellie was still alive. JJ would only ask at night about mama Ellie and if Dina believed she would ever come back. Dina was truthful at least in this aspect to her child. She told him she did not know but that they had other things to worry about at the moment. She told him that if he wanted, he was entitled to mourn for her. They talked about their feelings and listened to music they liked and some that Ellie did. Dina noticed that he really wanted to learn how to play the guitar but that he did not want to ask someone else to teach him, said he still wanted to wait for mama Ellie to come back. Dina contacted other people that could teach him to play the guitar regardless. If one day he did not want to wait anymore and he still wanted to learn, he should still learn without her. It had not been easy for Dina even to do this small thing but the truth was that if JJ wanted to move on he had the right to do so, even if for Dina it was still not possible. JJ had already moved on in one aspect at least: he had decided to try and paint with the supplies Dina got him. He had even used one of Ellie’s brushes once. With his brushes he would leave them around or let the paint dry in them and ruin them but with Ellie’s brush he would be careful. He would use it with care, clean it, then put it back, exactly as it was in mama Ellie’s room. Dina thought that it made JJ feel connected to Ellie somehow so she let him do that.

From time to time Tommy would come over and see JJ and give him presents, some small things, toys and even a small guitar someone else’s kids was not using anymore. Dina and him would not talk much but she could see that he also missed Ellie. Sometimes she saw him by Joel’s grave and also saw that he was starting to leave flowers next to it, as if Ellie was buried there. It hurt her but she knew he found it comforting in a way. She even heard him once talking to the grave, as if talking to Joel, apologizing for failing at keeping Ellie safe. She had just left him there alone, she could not deal with how idiotic the assumption was. No one could keep Ellie safe, she was a daredevil probably since birth. 

People in Jackson made ditches and planted trip wires further and further away. No new groups of people came in the last six months. Probably no one nearby survived the horde. The good part was that then there was no one attacking them but the bad part was that then they could have no news for a while about whatever was happening outside their area. They had even seen more evolved versions of the infected, it was very scary and some of their people had died fighting these new infected. Dina planned how to make more effective bombs and traps with the others, so that they could remain safe. It was becoming hard to survive but luckily there were many smart people there and they made several plans to try and contain the advancement of those infected. All the planification kept her busy enough that during the day she forgot everything about Ellie but at night and at home with JJ they would both feel her absence at least once a day.

Dina prayed that all of the wait would be worth it and that Ellie would come back with a cure. She hoped that they could make it without having to kill her, as she was told. She understood why Ellie had left but she missed her so much it hurt. She prayed and wrote to try and find relief but some days it was just too much. She would look at her sister’s picture and wish at least she was here. 

It was so unnerving having to wait and being unable to know whether Ellie was still alive or not, whether any of them would make it or not. She wished she could just protect JJ from all those dangers outside but she knew very well she did not have a way to do that.

Most of the days JJ was fine but some days he would explode in anger and some days he would just stare at Ellie’s pictures for hours and say nothing. Later he would talk to Dina and things would be fine again but it was very tiresome. It was never easy dealing with all of these emotions but at least they still had each other. 

\- Mom - said JJ one night when they were staring at the stars, drinking soup from a coup and listening to music

\- Yes? - replied Dina

\- If mama Ellie ever returns, I will let her call me Potato until I am dead

Dina laughed and cried at the same time and JJ hugged her tightly. 

\- She would be so pleased - said Dina - are you sure?

\- Yes - said JJ seriously

\- Ok, just be careful, if she does then you are doomed

\- I don’t care

\- I know - said Dina sighing

Dina didn’t care if Ellie would end up calling her Cabbage either, as long as she was back she wouldn’t give a shit what she called her. 


	40. Abby

_Why wouldn't he want you?_

Abby shouldn't really be so hung up on such simple words but she couldn't help herself. She was probably delusional but she felt Ellie had meant to say something else when she said that. That it was implied that Abby was interesting, even desirable. 

_Why wouldn't he want you?_

Abby sighed. Ellie had said that she only meant she understood why they had done it, not that she herself found Abby enticing. In any case, she was busy now, she needed to focus on what she had to do and forget these sillies ideas.

When Abby entered Lucia’s room the smaller woman almost jumped.

\- What are you doing here? How did you- Lucia said

\- I have been here a year, I know everyplace by now - interrupted Abby - you need to answer some questions

\- This is not a good time - Lucia looked very nervous

\- I don’t care, you have to tell me when are they gonna let Ellie go 

\- You already know that answer, you aren’t dense

\- And you expect me to do nothing about this? To just pretend all is fine?

\- Don’t you see how guarded she is? Plus these guys are all around, even if you escape by foot or car, they will catch you in no time, this has to be done properly

\- By foot you say… well, there are these Canadians

\- Yes, that is exactly it - said Lucia in a low voice

\- Wait, was that your idea? That we escape by boat?

\- Yes, the Canadians will come and will stay a week, I can buy you some time but when they leave you have to leave too

\- But what about the cure? 

\- This needs more time, this is not done so fast, but if my calculations are right it will be in a year or two

\- What? We need to take the cure to her family, I don’t thing Ellie would like to leave without it

\- They are never going to let her go, this is your only chance. When the vaccine is done I will find a way to get it out of here, and if the Canadians take samples and our results now, they may develop one themselves. But this, this is all secret - whispered Lucia - most people here think the treatment with the Canadians is about bombs and guns, but we are also going to give them samples, but no one has to know

\- But what if - then they heard someone entering the room

Lucia threw herself at Abby and started kissing her. Abby just froze. The guard looked at them and apologized. Lucia pretended to be very angry and went outside to reprimand him. 

\- Que sea la última vez que entra a la pieza de otra gente sin tocar la puerta!

\- Disculpe doctora pero estaba mucho tiempo adentro en la pieza con la gringa, 

\- Y eso es asunto mío, o acaso ando yo contándole a su jefe acerca de sus andanzas con Dario, acaso lo hago?

\- No pero-

\- Pero nada, que no vuelva a suceder

\- Si, doctora

After a while Lucia came in again and apologized.

\- I am sorry, I shouldn’t have done it but I read this works in mystery novels - said Lucia, somehow more awkward that normally

\- You read those? Lev also likes them - said Abby wanting desperately to change the topic. 

Abby had never kissed a woman, she had always liked men but something in that kiss didn’t actually bother her and that was a terribly awkward way for her to find out she might be open to other choices too. Not that her fucked up dreams about Ellie didn’t make her suspicious already that she could like women. The worst was thinking that, had they been in different circumstances she might have actually liked this woman after all. 

\- Yeah, it seems it does work he believed it. They have orders to not let you guys out of the hospitals and keep you guys constantly in check. Now back to the topic, I believe that escaping by boat might be your best shot. I can help but I can’t guarantee that you won’t have to fight your way out of here

\- I am fine with that - said Abby relieved they were not talking about that kiss - I wanted to ask about the surgery 

\- About that - Lucia went and showed her some graphs and papers

\- I don’t read Spanish, not that much

\- I translated these into English but I am not done, so - said Lucia sighting - they are extracting Ellie’s eggs

\- What for?

\- To run some tests and for reproduction

\- What?

\- One doctor believes that there might be a chance that her descendants could also have a peculiar immune defense mechanism so they want to try to see if they could resist this and other diseases

\- But, they didn’t ask her

\- Do you really think the ethical part of this whole business matters to them? 

\- This is why we have to go, they will keep her forever if they can, this is bullshit

\- Yes, now go

\- One more thing, this doctor, Mario, he keeps going to see Ellie, what is he planning?

\- Oh, he mostly just has a crush on her, is planning to ask her out or directly propose any time now

\- What? - Abby almost felt sorry for the poor idiot, as far as she knew, from what Ellie had said and from overhearing Lev and Ellie talk, Ellie was only interested in women.

\- Yeah, is that so weird to you?

\- No, people develop feelings I guess

\- Indeed they do - and then she looked at Abby in a way that made her very uncomfortable

\- Ok, thanks for your help - said Abby and decided it was time to run

\- No problem, sorry again for jumping at you

\- Yeah, that was very strange

Lucia gave her a strange look and said.

\- Can’t say I haven’t wanted to do that but yeah, would have preferred a more natural pace of things

Abby just left, she had no idea what to say to that. Instead she focused on what needed to be done. She spoke to Lev who wasn’t at all thrilled at the idea of having to escape through sea but started trying to get mentally ready for the moment.


	41. Ellie

Ellie was very often surrounded by doctors and nurses. But although they checked on her and touched her to see if she was fine she felt nothing. She still felt starved of human company. The people she really wanted to see were her family, though. She had missed Dina and Potato everyday since she left them and it was only becoming worse, she just wanted so much to be with them. She was losing hope she would ever see them again though. There were so many people here guarding here, all these doctors and military trained people were there all the time and she felt like those stories of princesses locked away in a castle, guarded by dragons or monsters. It was very fitting that outside all that it was full of infected, monsters in their own way. Who would have said that what she had wanted so much for such a long time, that her immunity meant something and that she could help cure the world, would make her feel so miserable? Maybe Joel had done something terrible killing that many people to save her but there had been a point in her life regardless. She had loved every minute she was back with Dina, every moment with JJ was dear to her too. She just wished so much she could hug them, at least for a moment. She still wrote to her everyday, brief notes and short things about how much she missed her. But Dina was not here, neither was Potato. The only people she knew there were Lev and Abby. Only a week after the surgery did Ellie see Abby again. Abby was tremendously upset when she went to give her food. As always, she was only allowed to put the tray though a whole in the wall. Ellie was so tired of the lack of human contact. Even if it was Abby it would have been nice to at least have someone touch her hand or something. 

Despite not wanting to use violent methods to escape, she couldn’t help but plan almost every day a different way of escaping. Sadly, all the methods her mind came up with were dependent on her having to kill the very people she wanted to keep alive: the doctors. She had gone all the way there for them to develop a vaccine with her immunity and she needed this to work. This time it had to work not just for her but for JJ, for Dina, for a future with less infected and more options for her family. 

That day Abby came to bring her food and Ellie could see she was upset but she took her time to tell Ellie why. Eventually she told Ellie that the operation they made was to remove her eggs and the reason why. Ellie felt disgusted and angry but at that point what could be done? 

\- Why are they doing that shit? I mean, they are basically making children with my genetic material without my permission - said Ellie

Ellie wondered what Dina would say of all of this. What if they were successful? Would that mean Dina and her had other children? Should she really be thinking about this? There was nothing now she could do about it anyway.

\- Yeah, that is fucked up, all of this is - said Abby equally disgusted

\- Oh… I did talk to that Mario about my kid, never specified he isn’t like mine biologically, I just said I have a child and he asked me about him and if he was healthy, and made several questions and I just talked and talked about him - Ellie remembered feeling mortified - Do you think that he was asking this just because…?

\- He wanted to know if your offspring would have problems or something. Fuck these people. And to think the guy even has a crush on you

\- He does? - said Ellie, disgusted and surprised in equal measure. 

He hadn’t seemed like a bad person but she wasn’t interested, had she liked men she would still be totally uninterested after learning what he did with the information she gave him 

\- Well, fuck him and his crush, now I wish he knew I never liked men. 

\- Yeah fuck him. He would probably feel very ridiculous if he knew

\- He should feel worse, I mean even if I was also into men, who the hell would look at him when I have Dina? I am sure she is far smarter than him, at least she can fight and fix things, that dude would never stand a chance against her. Luckily I never told them where I live, maybe they would have gone after my kid. You guys didn’t say anything either, righ?

\- No way, no, it’s like we agreed, if pressed we would say Denver

\- Yeah, ok, good

Ellie felt relieved but was so tired, probably because of the operation.

\- You know, now that this much time has passed, the other doctors talk a bit more with me too. That Dr. Lucero, she’s something

\- I know but.. What did she say to you?

\- Well, she is quite honest about detesting the militia and the police, and you would think that is weird, they are keeping everyone safe, aren’t they… but she said these people killed all her family, now she has to see them everyday

\- Wow, no wonder she dislikes them but then, we are sort of the same

\- Not exactly, I mean, we actually apologize and I believe we are both sincere, aren’t we? - said Ellie

\- True - admitted Abby

\- According to her, these guys aren’t, of course they need the researchers but they basically keep them here locked

\- So, does that mean we are all prisoners here?

\- I think so, anyway, she speaks her mind quite often, Dr Odhiambo doesn’t like that and tries to shush her but no way, she still continues talking when others can’t hear her

\- She is quite a character - said Abby and she seemed a bit awkward 

\- It seems like everyone has to deal with losing family, right?

Ellie sighed, she missed Potato so much, she missed Dina.

\- You miss her, don’t you? - said Abby pointing at the hamsa bracelet Ellie didn’t realize she was touching.

\- Yeah, she is just so great, so beautiful, so smart and kind, I mean she took me back after all the shit I put her through and I wish I could just hold her - said Ellie, desperately trying to keep composure - I just wished I could see her one time

\- Well, we could technically escape, you know we are capable

\- Abby, we discussed this... just going ahead and killing everyone… it would have made all of this become pointless, we need the vaccine, all of this wait and all the shit we went through can’t have been in vain - said Ellie, desperately, this time a vaccine had to be made with her help - this time it has to work

Ellie breathed in and out then continued

\- You know… when I first got bitten… I was with my best friend Riley, - she laughed mirthlessly - friend… I loved her actually, she got bitten too but then she died and I didn’t. 

\- I’m sorry

\- It’s ok...Then, to get there, to the Fireflies, Joel and I went through so much shit. He lost his partner, we lost friends. We fought hunters, cannibals… I was just 14 and I killed so many people. I even almost got… - Ellie couldn't say it, but she looked at Abby, and could see by the way she was looking at her that she knew what Ellie meant

\- Did Joel kill the bastard? - asked Abby as if she was ready to storm out and look for whoever he was

\- No, I did

\- Good

\- No… it wasn’t good… - said Ellie remembering how she used a machete to kill that man - I told myself it was for a reason… then in the end it wasn't. This time, all the shit we went through, all the people we lost, the atrocities we witnessed... it needs to be for a reason

\- I see - said Abby, looking sad - I understand but it's not fair they are keeping you locked

\- I know, you think I don't miss Potato and Dina? I think about them all the time, I'm dying of worry, I just wish I could be with them - said Ellie desperately, her voice breaking.

\- Hey - Abby said, looking worried. She put a hand in the glass and spoke in a lower voice - I will get you out of here and back to her, to them, I swear, we have a plan, we will make it while keeping the doctors safe

\- You think you will be able to? - said Ellie, now fully aware of her tears but unable to make them stop

\- I will find a way - replied Abby, her eyes glistening 

\- I hope you do - said Ellie placing a hand in the glass, in front of Abby’s. 

Abby blinked and seemed to lose composure, she opened her mouth but said nothing. 

\- I will - finally said Abby with a firm voice. 

There was something in her voice, something in the moment, Ellie couldn’t really tell what it was or why but she believed her. 

\- You know, to lighten things up… I'll let you ask me anything - said Abby and lowered her hand. Ellie did so too after that.

\- Anything? - said Ellie thinking of the possibilities

\- Yes… - said Abby sounding like she was already regretting her offer

\- Well, well, what about that mysterious sex life of yours?

\- Really? That's like grabbing the lowest hanging fruit… Is that really so interesting to you - said Abby pretending to be annoyed but actually smiling

\- Well, if it's too much you can at least tell me what's your type or something. 

\- It's not too much, I'm older than you remember?

\- No, can't remember we ever discussed this

\- Well, if it would keep you entertained…

\- Oh it would - said Ellie.

Abby was just so easy to tease. She knew that Abby was enduring this interrogation just to cheer Ellie up and she was grateful for it. 

\- You would have gotten along with Manny - said Abby laughing embarrassed - or at least he would have been able to entertain you more

\- Manny? - then Ellie remembered the man in the photographs.

He had been one of Abby’s friends but Ellie did not remember killing him.

\- Yeah, that other guy I killed in the theater… he killed Manny

\- Oh, no, you are confused, Tommy didn’t die

\- What? But.. I mean, I thought

\- No, he’s not the man he was but he is still alive

\- Oh… is he… something for you?

\- Yeah, he is Joel’s brother, so he was kinda like an uncle for me but we don’t really get along that well now

\- Why?

\- Well - Ellie shrugged - because I didn’t kill you

\- Oh… sorry about that - said Abby and made a strange face

Ellie chuckled. It was very weird to be apologizing for not having died.

\- No, don’t be, we should stop apologizing all the time, it’s just that he can’t let go. My therapist is trying to help but he’s so stubborn

\- Hope he can move on… you know he scared the shit out of me when he shot Manny, I thought for sure he would get me. Yara, Lev's sister, saved me that time

\- You already knew them then?

\- Yeah, he was… Lev saved me from the Seraphites, I almost got hanged and Yara and him saved me

\- Strange, Lev said you saved them

\- Well, I guess we saved each other

\- How so?

\- Well, I got caught, and they were going to hang me when they caught Yara and were about to break both her arms when Lev came and shot at them, I used the opportunity to strangle one of them with my legs. Lev freed me. We escaped and later I helped Yara get medical help

\- Oh, you did a lot for kids you just met and were enemies - Ellie was impressed. Abby was full of surprises

\- Well, they were just kids

\- Yeah, they were - Ellie thought briefly of Carlos and Lulu but she wanted to know more about Abby’s friends and her past so she didn’t mention this, instead she said -… But, you were talking about your friend

\- What?

\- Yeah, it’s fine if you want to talk about him, I mean, he’s part of your life and you heard me talk about Joel, and Dina and Potato. 

\- You want to know?

\- About your life? - Ellie asked - why not? Not everything in our past is shit, isn’t it?

\- True - Abby smiled - well, then, the thing about my friend Manny was that he was really into sleeping with as many girls he could

\- Did you sleep with him?

\- Me? No way

\- Were you attracted to him? 

\- No fucking way, why are you making this about me???

\- I was just asking - lief Ellie

The truth was that she was extremely interested in knowing who Abby had liked and how those people were.

\- No, I wasn’t into Manny, he was just a friend. He was Mexican, from here actually!

\- Really?

\- Yeah, he talked often about how pretty this country is

\- It has it’s pretty areas, that much is true - said Ellie remembering the vegetation and some of the natural areas

\- Well, he was always sleeping around with different people, but there was this one time I found a love letter, or rather a lust letter a woman wrote to him - Abby laughed

\- Really? What did it say? 

\- He was so annoyed at me for reading it 

Abby was laughing so much she was barely able to talk. It was beautiful.

\- It was something about him being a stallion she couldn’t control and how she was now ruined for other men because he was so good - said Abby

Ellie and Abby laughed for a while after that. 

\- That is so funny - said Ellie after a while

\- Yeah, who knows how many of those he had? - said Abby still smiling with the memories

\- Hey, thanks, I know this might be hard for you, but thanks for helping me spend the time

\- Anytime 

Abby put her hand in the glass again and without a doubt, Ellie placed her hand in front of hers again and smiled at her. 


	42. Abby

Abby was not naive. She knew in this world sexual violence was common and she herself had to punch many who had tried to get into her pants without her consent but almost being raped at 14! That was just too much. Somehow knowing someone closer that had gone through such a thing always made the situation more terrible, somehow closer, in a way more real. Abby remembered what she had overheard Grace and Ellie discuss and she felt sorry for that girl again. Although Abby felt slightly guilty had Grace come, she would have been trapped with them there and that would have been worse. 

Then Abby looked at her hand and felt strangely aware of the situation she had just been in. Her former mortal enemy, now in a vulnerable situation and she was the one to comfort her. Not only that but she had put her hand in the glass, without thinking much about it. And then Ellie put a hand in the glass too, mirroring her gesture. Had there been no glass they would have been holding hands. And they did it twice!. Abby felt something warm inside her about that image in her mind. Abby holding Ellie’s hand. She was utterly confused about the whole deal but shook her head and pushed those thoughts behind, they had more pressing things to worry about. They needed to be ready to escape when the opportunity arose, and Abby was definitely going to take Ellie and Lev from there in one piece, even if she had to burn that place to the ground to take Ellie from there she would do it.

\- Hey, Abby - said Lev

\- What? - asked Abby

\- I am asking you if you are going to try it

\- What, were you talking to me?

\- Yes, for like 10 minutes already but your mind seems to be somewhere else and you are just looking at your hands

\- Sorry, what were you saying? - Abby felt her face become hot with embarrassment

\- If you are going to try it

\- What?

\- The Huitlacoche, that is what they are calling it

\- Ok

Abby tried the food, it was actually quite tasty but she had never experienced this before and she ate the whole burrito. She thought she would be tired of burrito but this one was different.

\- That was good, how do you call it again?

\- Huitlacoche

\- Is it a plant?

\- No, I have been talking to you, this is the fungus, the one that grows on corn

\- What? You made me eat that? Why?

\- But I told you

\- Ugh, no, this is so wrong

\- You said you liked it

\- But now I know what it is, how are people eating this?

\- They said they always ate it, so, why stop? - Lev shrugged and ate another burrito

\- Lev you shouldn’t eat that

\- On the contrary, you should eat another one, you liked it, you are just afraid for no reason

\- You can’t berate me for being a little distrusting of fungi, you know?

\- But this one is different - said Lev and offered another burrito to Abby

She looked at it but she had to admit it was tasty so she took it and tried not to think of what it was. It was really good.

\- So.. when were you planning on telling me about the new chapter of the Seraphites you are planning to open here?

\- I am not doing that 

\- I have seen you talking with lots of people here, and I see you praying and meditating together

\- They are a bit curious but that is it

\- Com’on, even that doctor Ayulia, that usually looks at me like I am vermin talks to you quite nicely. Are you into her?

\- No, she’s like 10 years older than me or something

\- Really? Didn’t notice

\- She’s just interested in the religion and its philosophy, that is all

\- Right… just be careful with that one

\- I think she… - Lev approached Abby and started whispering - she wants to help

\- What do you mean? - whispered Abby

\- Later - said Lev and left

Later that day he went to her room and gave her a note with the map of the port and a map of the Canadian boat and told her that Ayulia had given that to him. They spoke for a while about how to get there then Abby decided that despite how much she didn’t really want to see the woman she had to see Lucia again. When she came in Lucia was writing furiously on paper and barely looked at her.

\- Close the door, come

\- Ok, you don’t seem surprised to see- 

\- Here, put it in a safe space - interrupted Lucia and gave Abby a folder

\- What is all this?

\- A copy I made of all our studies, I had made one for the Canadians and this is for you to take wherever the hell you live

\- Why are you giving me these?

\- This is knowledge for all, all should have it. Here, take this also, put it in your bag - she gave Abby some strange box

\- What is this?

\- Some samples, with those, and this - Lucia pointed at the papers - more people have a chance

\- So it is true what we heard - said Abby remembering what Lev and her had been hearing when they went sometimes around spying others - your people are planning on keeping the cure for yourselves

\- Yes, and trade it for - Lucia made an exaggerated gesture - stuff, this was in part agreed with the fireflies, they will be coming after the Canadians, and Dr Sonia will try her best to give them samples, she doesn’t like this either but we are also not safe if the former military knows we do not agree with their plans

\- But why don’t I leave with the Fireflies?

\- I don’t think they appreciate the fact that you know about Ellie and never told them, if you escape with her and they find you they will torture that information out of you. And they will lock her up. Who knows what they could do to Lev, maybe use him to get to you

\- You don’t know them like I do

\- Oh, I know terrorists, I know them well and they didn’t even deny they would have tortured you and Lev for that information had they known you knew where to find her

Abby was annoyed, and did not want to believe her but she placed the things in her backpack and left the room. Later she talked with Lev and he said that he could see that Lucia was harsh but had until then never lied to them. Abby had a hard time accepting it but she had to agree that part of her knew this. She knew that the Fireflies had also killed people, set up bombs and done some fucked up shit. All of them had done it. Every group she had been in had done it. And the wolves had gone even as far as hunting her for trying to protect Lev, they couldn’t see past the fact he belonged to another group. Everyone only saw their own group. What was she to do? Was this worth it? She should just take Ellie and Lev and get the fuck away, but Ellie had a home, what would happen to Lev and her now?

\- Well - said Lev when she told him about all this - maybe it is time to visit another country

\- Which?

\- Canada? - suggested him with a shrug

The day finally came and exactly at dinnertime, as planned they went to Ellie. Strangely the guards were not there and they took the keys from a locker they had noticed the guards kept the keys in a long time ago. When they arrived Ellie was ready and they released her, Ellie ran to hug Lev and then hugged Abby. She didn’t know how to respond and just patted her in the back. It was so overwhelming for Abby, Ellie’s hands and arms around her, her body pressed against her. She sighed and tried to focus, they had no time for Abby to be distracted with these things. Ellie was smiling and seemed so glad to be out that Abby felt sorry for having involved her in this whole business. But they had no time to spare and so they moved quickly. 

They used the less guarded areas to escape, and used silencers and arrows whenever they came across guards. The doctors were nowhere to be seen and that struck them as odd but they were glad about it. It was just extremely easy and that made Abby nervous. 

They saw a couple of guards near the exit so Abby went to them, and Lev and Ellie followed. Lev shot two of them with his bow in the head and Abby grabbed one from behind and broke his neck, she did that with other two men and she was about to break the third’s neck when Ellie came to her and asked her.

\- Abby, what are you doing?, You can just leave them unconscious, like I did with those - and Ellie looked back then froze in horror.

The men she had knocked unconscious had their throat sliced and were clearly dead. 

\- What? - she mumbled

\- I'm sorry Ellie - said Lev, with a knife in his hands

Ellie looked at him as if she had never seen him before. Abby took the chance of Ellie’s distraction, flexed her muscles and broke the guy’s neck. Immediately after hearing that noise, Ellie focused on her again.

\- Abby - Ellie whispered - Why?

\- Ellie, you need to understand one thing, if we are caught, Lev and I are dead, and you, you will be forever locked. I’m not going to allow that. If you put these guys to sleep they can wake up, and call for reinforces, and then we are fucked

\- Is it really the only way? - asked Ellie

\- She's right - said Lev - we don't have another choice Ellie, I'm sorry

Ellie looked hopeless but she nodded, then looked at Abby in despair.

\- But… what if we are faced by the doctors, what then?

Abby looked to the side and shrugged

\- Abby, we can't just throw everything, all the effort, at least the doctors... you have to spare them

\- Maybe - said Abby and gave a step towards the exit

Ellie placed a hand on Abby's wrist to stop her.

\- Abby - Ellie begged - please swear to me you will spare them if you see them

Abby didn't reply, didn't even dare to look at her. 

\- Lev, please help me

\- I agree with sparing them but just them - said Lev

\- Ok.. what about you, Abby? - insisted Ellie

\- We'll see

\- Abby - Ellie begged

Ellie put a finger in Abby's chin and very kindly made her face her. That slight touch, almost a caress and then her stare… it made Abby's heart skip a beat. Ellie's eyes were so intense it was almost painful to look at her. She was so desperate, and the hand that was in Abby's wrist was the same hand that only had three fingers thanks to Abby. Abby looked at her hand then at her face and her eyes. She almost gasped but bit her lips in time. This was the most intimate time she had ever had with Ellie. Her desperate and wide eyes, and the whole situation made Abby doubt her original intentions but her mind was made so she at least had the decency to look down while she replied to Ellie.

\- I will try to avoid killing them

\- Swear it to me, please - insisted Ellie, pressing her fingers into Abby's wrist and moving her face closer to Abby.

Abby looked at her briefly then looked to the side, pretending to be looking outside.

\- Ok, I swear, happy? Now let's move

Ellie nodded but Abby knew Ellie wasn't convinced. When she released Abby's wrist she could sense the disappointment and tension coming from Ellie. She kept looking at Abby with a frown and as if she expected that Abby would suddenly put a bomb in the building. Abby was prepared for anything and she knew that if things looked bleak she would definitely destroy the whole town if necessary for them to escape.

Just when they were leaving the building they were sighted by a sniper who sounded the alarm and they started getting shot from everywhere and they had to fight against many armed men. Ellie made full use of her smoke bombs and explosive arrows and so did Lev while Abby put her strength to the test. There were so many and they just kept coming. 

BOOM!

An explosion was heard not far from there and they used the distraction to escape through an alley. Ellie placed traps and Abby blocked the way by throwing everything she found on the way and they kept running, shooting and then running some more.

BOOM!

BOOM!

Another explosion went further away and then another one and many of the men who were following them went to see what was that so they could dispose of the remaining people. Abby felt sorry for Ellie who looked torn but did what she had to do and killed those men that came to them. There was no way they could make it without killing some of these people but at least they had managed to not kill the doctors, who by some miracle were nowhere to be seen. 

_ All these bombs, these people attacking, now is the best time,  _ thought Abby. So she pushed the button she had hidden. Maybe among all of this noise she could blame the attackers for the explosion at the building. She pressed but nothing happened, she pressed again and saw in despair how the place was still standing. She was frustrated, she had done a good job, she knew that the hospital should have exploded and collapsed. Ellie looked at her and she pretended to look for the men who could be behind them. 

\- What are you doing? - asked Ellie

\- Just checking that we aren’t being followed - lied Abby

Ellie narrowed her eyes but pretended to believe her.

\- Let’s move, we are near the pier - said Abby

\- Ok 

She looked back and tried again to press the button but nothing happened. Lev stood next to her and whispered without looking at her.

\- I deactivated them - confessed Lev

\- What? - Abby had not even realized he knew of her plan

\- It’s for the best, I am sorry but that was a terrible idea - said Lev

\- How did you… when? - asked Lev

\- I know you care about her but you need to stop hiding things, she needs this chance and so do you, so do we all - whispered Lev

\- But… they know our faces, they could come after us, after you and after Ellie - said Abby, incredulous 

\- You don’t know that they will do that and if that happens then we deal with it. - Lev looked at her and whispered - Abby, you know what this means for the world, for Ellie, this way a cure can be made

Abby sighed and let go of the button, defeated. 

\- I’m sorry - said Abby

\- I know, let’s go - said Lev

However much Ellie cared about the vaccine Abby was aware that no matter who came to them, she would kill them if they fought. In fact, she would kill them regardless, the less people there were out there who knew that Ellie was immune, the better. So she had planned to destroy the hospital when they escaped. She wanted to protect Lev and Ellie, but maybe Lev was right. She was angry at herself and angry that she had probably disappointed Lev but he was too kind to let her know. Ellie looked at them strangely, and was probably about to ask them why were they stalling but then they heard another explosion. Both Lev and Abby looked in direction to the hospital but the explosion was not there but further away. Abby looked back disappointed but Lev was relieved and Ellie just looked confused at them both. 

\- What are you doing? Let’s move - whispered Ellie and they followed her without a word.

They finally arrived at the pier and went quietly inside the boat. They heard other explosions further away, they seemingly had been lucky enough to have planned their escape on the same day another group was attacking these people. She saw that the Canadians were taking many boxes in and so they were busy enough with the noise and work they managed to go inside the boat. 

Ellie seemed to be so relieved. When they reached a room they had chosen to hide in it, she laid against the wall and smiled. 

\- I can't believe we made it - Ellie whispered

\- Yeah, me too - said Lev

\- And the doctors weren't there, that's the best part, I'm so relieved 

Abby wasn't, now that they were there she thought she should have actually tried to hunt them down and kill them but now it was too late. They needed to leave. 

They hid and waited and after what seemed like an eternity they felt the boat move and they left. Ellie started talking with Lev about how strange it was that this boat could move, how the Canadians managed to get it to work and Abby said she had heard something about it that she did not quite remember or really cared about. As long as this was working and they could be safe everything was fine. They had to manage to stay out of sight from these people for as long as possible and then planned to go down in Canada and from there make their way to Jackson. Ellie seemed ecstatic. She said how happy it made her to think about Dina and Potato and Abby felt so happy listening to her talk with that enthusiasm. Ellie had not been that cheerful in a good while. Lev did his best to apply his beliefs about being strong through fear and endured the trip as best as he could but they had to get him a bucket and get rid of the contents as quietly as possible, so that the smell wouldn't attract other people.

They must have been in the middle of their way to Canada when they were discovered. They were taken by surprise, their things were taken and they were moved to a room. Later in that day someone entered their room and threw at them their stuff. It was doctor Ayulia.

\- Here, you can go, I talked to them - said Ayulia annoyed

\- What the fuck are you doing here? - said Abby

\- Lucia was really into you, you know - said Ayulia tersely - she was like a sister to me but she was just going to throw her life away for you

\- What is this? - said Ellie but she seemed to want to say  _ Who the fuck cares? _

\- She liked you so much she insisted on helping you, I told her she was suicidal. But she was always like that, if something came into her head she had to do it, couldn’t let go. It was going to get her killed - said Ayulia angrily

\- She wanted to help because she is a good person, she knew it was wrong to keep us trapped - said Lev

\- Of course she knew, we all knew, but at the same time, you - said Ayulia pointing at Ellie - were safe there

\- I am not going back, you already have all the samples you need - said Ellie

\- I know, this is why I am helping you assholes - said Ayulia

\- What? - said Lev

\- What, you think all the guards and doctors taking care of Ellie put themselves to sleep because they love getting drugged, that cars exploded on their own accord to serve as distraction? Lucia planned to do all that but planned to stay because she is married to her work. But she was going to get herself killed so I helped her, and also put the snooze drops on her food so they can blame me because I can’t stay there anymore - said Ayulia

\- So, you are escaping - said Lev

\- Yes, I am, we plotted in secret with some of the doctors in Canada, so they can have samples and our progress. I was in a guerilla too, I can make bombs too, so I was the best scapegoat, not Lucia, so here I am. In this boat with you - said Ayulia, still looking at Abby disapprovingly

\- Well, thank you, despite clearly disliking us you are helping us - said Ellie

Then Ayulia lowered her voice.

\- Yeah, and by the way, I lied to those people, said that you are just some gringos that helped me escape so the second you set foot on Quebec you get the fuck out and you better never be seen again - said Ayulia to Ellie, then to Abby - you guys might be safe but if someone finds out about who this one is - she pointed at Ellie - she will become someone’s lab rat again. 

\- But what if they say something by radio, they can still caught us - said Lev

\- They will never reveal that the patient escaped, they need to be important, you see? - said Ayulia sadly - And the people here still need me and my research, so they won’t give me away. You guys are safe as long as you can keep her a secret

\- We have no problem with that - said Abby and she meant it.

That night they were given a room and Ellie asked her why she was so intense in regards to protecting her and Abby did her best to lie about it. She couldn't just go ahead and tell Ellie that she cared too much about her to let anyone hurt her. She even said to her she was an important friend. 

Friend? What a joke! What Abby felt was so much more than friendship now. It was so intense it hurt her.

During a couple of days, the people of the ship would avoid Abby and her companions but as days passed Ellie's goofy jokes and personality finally affected these people. She had people laughing at her completely absurd jokes and soon after that some people also started talking to Lev and Abby. There was one black haired girl with very long hair who had a guitar and sang at nights and Ellie had started talking to her. It seemed Ellie wanted to learn one of the songs, she mentioned something about making her partner swoon. Abby was very envious of Dina when she heard that. She would have killed to have Ellie sing for her.

One night she heard someone playing the guitar but the tune was different from what the black haired girl had been playing. Abby was coming to observe when Ellie's voice made her freeze in place. Ellie was the one playing the guitar. Abby was in awe. She forced herself to walk and tried to observe her. She just needed to see this.

_ If I ever were to lose you _

_ I'd surely lose myself _

_ Everything I have found, dear _

_ I've not found by myself _

Abby observed and heard, hidden and surprised. Ellie was singing with such feeling it made Abby herself feel nostalgia and loss. She felt that she wanted to cry and didn't know why.

Then Ellie finished and people started clapping. Abby kept hearing from a distance. For some reason she waited some more in silence. People started complimenting Ellie

\- That was a great performance

\- Really full of feeling

\- Loved it

Many said these and similar things. Ellie was scratching her neck and smiling shyly. 

\- Thanks - said Ellie - it was something my old man taught me.

\- Really? - the black haired girl asked - I would like to meet him

Abby felt a pang of guilt.

\- Ehm… well, he's actually…. dead… so - said Ellie

\- Oh sorry

There was an awkward silence then someone else spoke

\- So he played the guitar. That's so cool, nice that he taught you

\- Yes - said Ellie - he sang too, this was the first song I ever learned. 

Abby gasped but covered her mouth to try and not be heard. Ellie was bravely making an effort not to look sad but it was painfully obvious that she still missed him terribly. Abby quietly went back to their room and she was glad Lev wasn't there. She closed the door behind her and let it all out. She let out a wail, then cried and cried because she knew she had caused this. That hurt, that loss Ellie had expressed while she sang, Abby had caused it. It perfectly resonated with her own loss. Ellie sounded as broken as Abby had felt when her dad had been killed. That nostalgia, Abby felt it too. For so long she had tried to avenge her father, correct an injustice that she never thought she would end up becoming  _ him _ . She had been to Ellie what Joel had been to her. Abby had known this, she had been aware of this but it wasn't until she heard Ellie sing that she had truly felt it like this. She had not felt Ellie's pain like this before. 

After all the time they had shared together, Abby knew that her feelings for Ellie had completely changed. She would deny it to everyone, fuck, she would even deny it under torture but she definitely knew she was in love with her. And now, remembering that she had caused this… she was sure there was absolutely no hope for those feelings. She better never reveal to Ellie how she truly felt.

\- Hi

Abby almost jumped but had the good sense to not turn around.

_ Fuck,  _ she thought,  _ of course Ellie is here now _

\- Are you ok?

\- Yup

Abby was facing the wall, no way she was turning to face Ellie now.

\- Are you sure?

\- Yup

Ellie sounded doubtful

\- Is there anything very interesting in that wall or… ?

Abby placed her hands in her pockets nervously, she didn’t know what to do with her hands or her own self for that matter. Then she felt the coin she had saved earlier that day in her pocket. She looked down and saw there was a backpack there. Luckily, it was hers and so she went to grab it.

\- I was just saving this coin here, so…

She briefly held the coin up so Ellie would see and then put it in her backpack.

\- Oh, you collect those

\- Yes

\- Have you always done that?

\- My dad used to do that… I guess I just started collecting them after… after he died

\- Oh, sorry… I… sorry

Abby briefly looked at Ellie's face. She was looking down. Guilt was written all over her face. Abby looked back at the wall.

\- It's not your fault, you are aware, right?

\- Sure

Ellie did not sound convinced at all but Abby had no idea what to say. An awkward silence followed and neither seemed to have an idea of what to say.

\- Ok… - Ellie said after a while - uhm, have you seen Lev?

\- No, maybe go look for him elsewhere

\- Jeez, you don't need to be so rude

Abby sighed

_ Just leave already _ , Abby mentally begged. 

Right at that second Lev came to the room.

\- What's going on?

He sounded extremely suspicious. 

_ Why did I come here? _ , thought Abby. She should have gone to another empty room, this was the worst refuge she could come up with, she should have locked herself in the bathroom or something.

\- Hi, Lev, I was looking for you… and Abby but I think she isn't in the mood. I wanted to show you what I learned

\- I thought you already knew how to play the guitar

Abby turned around and only now realized Ellie was carrying a guitar in her hand.

\- I know how to play but I learned a new song and it's in French

\- You know French? - asked Lev

\- I don't but I was taught the lyrics from this song and I'm actually quite interested in learning more and….

Ellie abruptly stopped because she looked at Abby.

\- Why were you crying? - asked Ellie, worried

Abby felt all flustered. Why was she so stupid today, why didn’t she turn back towards the wall in time?

\- I wasn't… it's just… allergies

\- I don't remember you had them - said Lev, narrowing his eyes at Abby

\- Well I do - replied Abby abruptly - anyway you were saying you learned a song, so… what about it?

Ellie pressed her lips. She seemed to think for a while and, although it was obvious she was not happy about something, she decided to continue with her initial idea. 

\- Ok

Ellie sat on the bed and then looked at them. She smiled a little bit. Abby didn't know if she was imagining things but she would have sworn even in that smile there seemed to be a bit of nostalgia.

\- Now, don't laugh

\- Why would we laugh? - asked Lev

\- I promise I won't laugh - said Abby

Despite what she had just experienced, Abby was anxious to hear Ellie sing. She could not believe Ellie was going to do this for them.

\- Ok - said Ellie again and sighed

She seemed a bit nervous but then she started playing and relaxed as the song continued. Ellie sang and Abby just watched and heard in silence and awe.

  
  


_ Je suis descendue du train _

_ Paris au petit matin _

_ Sans toi _

_ Et ce matin j’ignorais _

_ Dieu que ma vie commençait _

_ Sans toi _

_ Une sorcière, je suis devenue folle _

_ Une vipère, j’ai croqué la pomme _

_ Sans toi  _

_ Sans toi _

_ Je dois m’y faire j’ai sur les épaules _

_ Un bulldozer et le mauvais rôle _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Et la nuit tombée  _

_ Pour ne plus jamais pleurer _

_ Je chasse deux trois paires de bras _

_ Pour m’y réfugier _

_ Seulement le temps d’un baiser _

_ Pour ne plus jamais me voir _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Les lendemains sont les mêmes _

_ J’ai le coeur en quarantaine _

_ Sans toi _

_ Paris ne veut plus rien dire _

_ Si je dois la conquérir _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Des chants de guerre depuis je compose _

_ Et dans mes airs je te tue en prose _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ M’en fous la bière, m’en fous la cirrhose _

_ Un dernier verre, une dernière dose _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Et la nuit tombée  _

_ Pour ne plus jamais pleurer _

_ Je chasse deux trois paires de bras _

_ Pour m’y réfugier _

_ Seulement le temps d’un baiser _

_ Pour ne plus jamais me voir _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

_ Sans toi _

  
  


Abby didn't know enough of this language but she could still tell this song was also about loss. But despite that she felt strangely calmer after it. And curiously enough, she also felt flattered. Ellie had just sang for them! For Lev and her. It was a sad but beautiful song.

\- So? - asked Ellie

\- Very sad - said Lev

\- What? - Ellie's face fell

\- The song, you sing really nicely - said Lev - but the song was so terribly sad

\- I would say you sing amazingly well - said Abby - I loved it, I'm thankful

\- Oh, thanks, I was afraid you thought I sing terribly or that you hated how I play - said Ellie, relieved

\- No - said Abby - I think it was beautiful. I mean I don't know what you said but it sounded beautiful, hauntingly beautiful and you play very well too

\- Thanks. It's about starting over after you had to leave someone you loved behind. About the hurt and even rage that having to end something, being separated, causes

\- Oh, I see - said Abby

Abby felt self conscious. She was aware that her time with Ellie was reaching its end. For a while she wondered if Ellie had chosen this song thinking about that. Then immediately she discarded this idea. Ellie did not feel what Abby felt.

\- So this is not about the dead of that other person - asked Lev

\- No, it's about a relationship that ended. The author talks about how things seem senseless without the person but she still has to go on. The name,  _ sans toi _ , means  _ without you _

\- It sounds very sad but… if the person is still alive then aren't you still able to mend the relationship if you are in that much pain without them? - insisted Lev

Both Abby and Ellie chuckled then looked at each other. They shared a moment of silent understanding and smiled at each other.

\- Sometimes, even if the person is alive, you can lose them, in some occasions permanently - said Abby

\- In many occasions it's because one is just unable to overcome some very fucked up feelings - said Ellie

\- Maybe if you meditated more on it you can overcome them and then face the person - said Lev

\- Maybe - said Ellie and smiled sadly - I have to admit though, mostly I haven't done that and I did waste my time. I regret it a lot now… I wish I had been more conscious that one minute that person is there and the next they can be gone…

Then Ellie looked at both Lev and Ellie with a fierce determination in her eyes.

\- But I think I learned my lesson. I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't need to pretend I don't care or any of that. And I don't see the point of losing people I care about while I can prevent it - said Ellie

\- Good for you - said Abby, not understanding where Ellie was going with this at all

\- Yes, it's quite good that you are now more aware of this and more real to your own self - said Lev

\- Then you agree with me - said Ellie and smiled

\- About what? - asked Abby - that is good you matured? I mean it's nice I guess

\- No, that you should come with me - said Ellie, firmly

\- What? - asked Abby

\- I think you should not live in Canada but come back with me - said Ellie

Lev looked apprehensively at Abby then at Ellie. Abby shook her head. 

\- I would be shot in sight - said Abby

\- I don't want to put Abby in a dangerous situation - said Lev - and you should keep this low, someone could hear us

\- True - said Abby and lowered her voice - we keep to our idea. We go with these people, then we take you to your place and then Lev and I go back to Canada

Ellie looked ready for a fight but Lev put his hands in front of her.

\- I see you both need to discuss this, I will go out and see that no one comes and hears you but try and keep it low - said Lev

He opened the door and went out, as he did that Ellie placed the guitar in the bed. Ellie patiently waited but the second he was out, she almost jumped from her sitting position and came to stand in front of Abby.

\- I have lost plenty of people in my life, most of the people I care about have died or left me, why the fuck should I accept you leaving me too?

\- What are you talking about? I'll still be alive but just somewhere else - replied Abby

\- You said you have forgiven me, you said I'm an important friend - insisted Ellie

\- And you are but I can't go there with you. 

\- I'll talk to Tommy, I'll talk to Maria, I'll convince them

\- I'm sure they aren't the only ones who wish me dead

\- I'll talk to the whole fucking city then! 

\- Ellie, we have to keep quiet

\- Fine - Ellie lowered her voice again - I can convince them, I can… you don't know how Quebec is, what if they are dangerous people? But I know Jackson, I know it's safe, Lev and you can have a normal life there

\- There's just too much baggage

\- Then we can work it out, you can receive help like I did

\- Ellie, stop

\- No, I don't see the point in parting ways, you can start over

\- I can't start over in a place where I fucked shit up, I can start over in Quebec, no one knows me there 

\- But I won't know if you are alive

\- I can take care of myself

\- Plenty of people who could take care of themselves died out there… please

\- I can't

Ellie looked defeated but she wasn't done.

\- Abby, just tell me the truth. You have not forgiven me, have you? I'm just a burden to you

\- No, that is not it. Of course you aren't a burden. I did forgive you, that is not the point, I killed your old man and I'm sure plenty of people there still hate me for it

\- I killed your friends, I tortured Nora, I even killed a pregnant woman and you have forgiven me

\- You didn't know she was pregnant, you said it yourself and didn't particularly treat Joel nicely and I also killed your friend Jesse

\- I still killed your friends and I even killed the man you loved, you still forgave me, I don't know if I could have let go had you killed Dina, but you forgave me so people can let this go, others can forgive you too

Abby pressed her lips and looked down, shaking her head. Ellie was so eager for Abby to go with her and Abby wanted to but she knew it would only lead to more hurt. So she sighed and decided to be partially honest about her reasons.

\- Ellie… I heard you

\- You heard what?

\- Sing

\- Yeah, so did Lev, I brought the guitar here for a reason

Abby chuckled

\- I'm not talking about that now. I'm talking about before… the song Joel taught you

\- Oh, you heard that? I thought I heard someone gasp but I wasn't sure if that was you

Ellie seemed slightly awkward about the situation, as if Abby had caught her doing something wrong.

\- I caused that… - said Abby

\- Abby, it's in the past, we talked about this

\- Ellie, I caused you that pain, I made you into the broken thing I was

\- I'm not broken, I do miss him but I'm not broken… 

\- But you were

\- I was but then I already told you I received help. I also caused you pain but we left that behind us, why are you bringing this up again? 

\- Because I don't believe Jackson is the place for me and Lev now, I'm sorry Ellie, I will not go there with you. We'll accompany you, make sure you get there safely and then leave. Please stop insisting

There was a brief silence but then Ellie gasped.

\- I know what we can do. Dina and I had a farm, we were planning on moving back to it soon before you guys came. - Ellie went to her backpack and took a map - see, it was here. We can just do that. We go to the farm, you guys can stay with us. I'll talk to Dina, she'll understand, she's the best person in this whole fucking world. I'm sure she'll be happy about it once we talk

Ellie was so enthusiastic about it that Abby wished she could say yes to her. But the second Dina's name was mentioned Abby became even more sure about the need of partying ways with Ellie. Ellie had mentioned her with such a loving tone there was no denying she still loved Dina completely. There was no space in Ellie's life for Abby. She had to let Ellie go.

\- Don't, I'm sure you two need your space. I'm sure Dina resents me enough for taking you from her side. That place isn't for me

Ellie gave another step towards Abby and Abby looked at her. Ellie's face was full of hurt and uncertainty.

\- I don't want to lose you

Abby swallowed and looked to the side. She gave a step back. It was all too much for her and she felt she was close to breaking down again. The way Ellie said that, so desperately and tenderly it made Abby think that maybe Ellie did feel something else too.

\- I can't

_ I'm in love with you _ , thought Abby,  _ but you have a family and I'm no good for you _

\- You can't or you won't?

\- Just stop. I made up my mind

Ellie sighed angrily and went to pick up the guitar

\- Fine

She left and closed the door with a loud bang. Abby felt the tears coming down again and she just let them fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song belongs to Pomme, it is named “Sans toi”. I know the song was released later than 2013 but bear with me, I already did something similar with the book Dreadnought by April Daniels anyway. Sorry for the angst but things will improve later, I just think this needs time and they need to sort out these emotions.


	43. Ellie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am again being terrible about time in regards to song publication date, I am mentioning “Backwards” (2018) by Cannons here. Let’s all suspend disbelief for a while. Just wanted to let people know in case this is a thing that bothers you. If it doesn’t then go ahead and read this!

Abby was a terrible liar. When they were escaping and Ellie begged to at least spare the doctors she felt that Abby had no intention whatsoever of doing that. Ellie hoped that her insistence or at least her presence would make Abby doubt long enough so that Ellie could stop her from killing them if they ever encountered them. But Ellie also felt Lev staring at her the whole time, maybe if Ellie tried something funny he would stop her. Ellie was more nervous about Abby than about all the military in the area. Luckily they never crossed paths with the doctors when they were escaping. Ellie really didn't like thinking about what would have happened had that been the case. She couldn't help but think about how elusive Abby had been when she had tried to make her swear she wouldn't hurt them. It reminded her so much of Joel. Abby might not appreciate the comparison but she was just like Joel in so many respects. She was distant, efficient and strong, like Joel was but she had a soft side that only with time one could know. She was an attentive and protecting parent figure for a kid who hadn't been born from her but that didn't matter at all. Lev didn't take Abby's bullshit, just like Ellie hadn't taken Joel's bullshit. She had no doubt that, if necessary, Abby would destroy entire cities for Lev. Part of Ellie had a feeling that Abby had similar inclinations in regards to Ellie and the thought scared her but not only because of how destructive that could be but because Ellie couldn't understand why Abby would feel that strongly about Ellie. It would be so ironic, considering their history, that Abby would be that invested in protecting Ellie of all people. It didn't make sense now that they had achieved what they set out to do: bring Ellie to Tampico and let people take samples from her. She should just stop being so intense but Abby was still very protective. When they got caught in the ship Abby was so furious when one man grabbed Ellie's arms that she threw one guy towards him but then many others came and subdued them. It was pure luck that Ayulia helped them, then things seemed to improve. Ellie didn't understand why Abby was still behaving like this but at least no one tried to kill them despite what had happened.

When they were released, assigned a room and Lev had finally fallen asleep, exhausted from how bad the trip was for him, Ellie decided she had to talk to Abby.

\- Hey

\- Hey, you ok? - asked Abby

\- Yes, we're lucky

\- I guess we are

\- May I ask you something?

\- What?

\- Why did you do that? Why did you throw that man?

\- I was defending us

\- We're in a boat Abby and I don't know about you but I don't know how to use this thing, we need these people

\- But they could have hurt us, I thought he was hurting you

Abby seemed so sincere in her worry about Ellie's safety, it was hard to chastise her for being over the top.

\- I understand your concern… but had we killed everyone in this boat, then what?

\- Well, we didn't, did we? - said Abby, almost sheepishly but not quite

\- No

\- So, what's the big problem?

\- I'm just concerned about you, you react too harshly all the time

\- I'm trying to protect us

\- I know but… I just don't get why

\- What do you mean why?

\- We accomplished the mission, we got there, they took samples from me, that was it

\- Aren't you forgetting that I promised to bring you back? You think so little of me that my word means nothing? - said Abby with barely hidden fury

\- No - said Ellie taken aback - that's not what I mean at all

\- Then what do you mean, Ellie?

\- I just… I don't understand - said Ellie truthfully - that you want to protect Lev is normal, expected but… I'm just…

Ellie lowered her eyes and then rose them again, tentatively, almost shy under Abby's very annoyed stare.

\- I mean I don't hate you… I think of you as a friend even but… why risk so much for me? As you said yourself, you were risking your lives by doing all that you did

Her thoughts were in disarray for some reason but she knew she wanted to ask this question. What was she expecting to hear from Abby, though? What could Abby tell her about this that could change anything between them? Abby puzzled her. She was looking at Ellie attentively and seemed to ponder every word that came from Ellie's mouth with utmost care. Ellie bit her lip, anxious to hear a reply.

\- It's what I said I would do, I said I would bring you back and one way or the other I'm doing that - said Abby, matter of factly

At least she seemed no longer annoyed but that was a reply that said nothing to Ellie. Before Ellie could continue asking Abby gave her back to Ellie and laid down to sleep. Ellie released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. She felt deflated but in a way she had expected this type of reply. What could Abby say anyway? If her word was so important to her then that must be it. Ellie laid down and stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Even then, she was startled when Abby spoke again.

\- For the record, I don't hate you either, you… you are a friend to me too, an important friend - whispered Abby

Sudden happiness overcame Ellie and she smiled in the darkness like an ass. Abby was still giving her back to her but she fell asleep soon after that. It seemed like saying that was difficult for Abby so Ellie didn't want to spoil the moment with something silly. It was nice being on friendly terms with Abby again. The following days they were back to their normal behaviour and Ellie continued making stupid jokes that amused Lev and to which Abby responded with feigned exhaustion. In time she even got along quite well with the Canadians. Ellie felt slightly confused. Abby definitely cared about Lev and she could be very warm at times. As days passed Ellie started to believe that maybe she had imagined things and maybe Abby didn't really want to kill the people at the lab. It would have been absurd, after all the shit they had been through to then ruin any chances for a vaccine like that. Ellie told herself that she must have been wrong. Specially considering Abby's history, she was the daughter of the first doctor who ever attempted to make a vaccine, for fuck's sake, she knew how important this was not just for Ellie but for everyone! No, there must have been a mistake in how Ellie saw things, Abby was intent on restoring society, that was why she had joined the fireflies. No way she would do that, right?

As days passed Ellie began talking with the Canadian crew, in particular with Claire, a black haired girl who played the guitar. Since there was not much else to do, Claire taught Ellie one song and Ellie taught Claire another. It was challenging because the song Claire taught her was in French so Ellie had to make an effort about the pronunciation. Claire had mentioned that the original singer was also named Claire and had explained the lyrics to Ellie. The more she learned about how to pronunciate and play this song the more she thought about the lyrics. And the more she did this the more she became convinced she had absolutely no reason to go ahead with Abby's plan. Why the hell should they part ways? Abby was important to her now, so was Lev. They were family, she did not agree with the original plan anymore and so she sang the song to them and told them what she thought. But however much she insisted Abby said no. She left the room, incensed and ready to fight someone. Then she regained her calm. The problem wasn't that Abby had not forgiven Ellie, the problem was that she hadn't truly forgiven herself so Ellie would insist in other ways. She needed to convince Abby she had forgiven her. So she tried telling her repeatedly, in jokes and also seriously that she held no grudges, that she wasn't trying to lure her to her death, that she cared but the more she did this the more Abby held stubbornly to her original plan. Lev also remained unconvinced. He kept saying that Abby would be in danger there. 

Ellie was getting very frustrated. She had no idea what she could say to convince Abby and she was also frustrated that her insistence on this topic was souring the limited time she had with Abby and Lev. Yet she couldn't help herself, she wanted to find a way to convince her but she just didn't know how. One night she was borrowing Claire's guitar, to distract herself from that frustration and also to try and write some new songs and experiment with the tunes when she remembered a song Dina liked. Without thinking much about it, she just started singing and playing it, wondering if Dina would have had a better idea that could convince Abby and Lev to go and live with them. She was singing this song when someone entered the room. She looked up and saw  _ that someone _ was Abby. She was holding a book in her hands and looking at Ellie in surprise.

\- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt

\- No, it's fine, this is also your room. I know it bothers you - said Ellie referring to her singing

\- What? No, your singing and playing doesn't bother me… - Abby bit her lips and then added - actually… I think it sounded really lovely

\- Did you like it?

\- I did… uhm… do you want to continue?

\- Sure

Ellie didn't need to hear that twice. She started playing and singing and continued with the song. 

_ I was down and out _

_ I was twisting down _

_ The vine for you _

_ In between and out _

_ You could have seen the light _

_ Shining just for you _

_ On my way back to you _

_ Through the thick and thin _

_ I would pull for you _

_ On my way just for you _

_ But I was only _

_ Falling Backwards, now _

_ On my way back to you _

_ Falling backwards now _

_ On my way back to you _

_ But I don't think i'll get too far _

_ Without gravity _

_ But I don't think i'll get too far _

_ Without you and me _

  
  


Abby looked pleased when Ellie finished.

\- That was beautiful. You are really talented

\- Thanks, Dina loves that song

\- I see - said Abby looking down - she truly has great taste in… well, everything

Ellie felt a shiver down her spine at her tone. What did Abby mean by that? 

\- Did you perhaps sing that to her when you were trying to win her back? 

Ellie blinked and was surprised at Abby's guessing capacities.

\- I did, how did you know? 

\- I think… had I been her I would have also taken you back

As Abby said that she slowly moved her eyes upwards from the floor until she met Ellie's eyes. The way Abby was looking at her and what she had said made Ellie blush. Now it was Ellie the one who looked down. The intensity in that stare made Ellie feel as if there was not enough air in the room anymore and her heart started beating faster. 

\- I'm sure she will be happy to have you singing for her again. She's lucky to have you

Ellie looked at her in surprise. 

\- What? It's true

\- It's just… 

Ellie had her doubts about saying or not what was in her mind. She didn't want to lie to Abby but after the incident, when she heard Ellie sing that song Joel had taught her, Ellie had tried to not mention him. But she felt as if she were lying to Abby.

\- It's just… Joel said the same to me long ago, I guess anyone who cares would say something like that, right?

\- I guess so - said Abby

For a few seconds they remained in a strangely calm silence. Neither seemed too awkward which was progress, compared to the sourness that the quarrels they had been having lately had left them with.

\- I like the way you sing and play, I just don't want you to use it to try and convince me of changing something I have already decided - said Abby

\- Oh. I see… what, are you afraid I can actually make you change your mind? - said Ellie, jokingly

Abby just bit her lower lip and observed her in response. There was such vulnerability in that stare, the kind that Ellie hadn't seen in Abby before. Ellie had the feeling that the answer was yes but that Abby would end up resenting her for it too.

\- Ok, I won't try and weaponize art then, I promise - said Ellie, forcing herself to smile a bit, trying to look her tamest

Abby chuckled but she still looked a bit sad.

\- What is it? - asked Ellie

\- I just thought that only you could be that deadly to be able to use music as a weapon - said Abby smiling

Ellie had to laugh at that, despite how sad she still felt. She just couldn't accept what Abby had decided to do.

\- I have one more thing to ask. You should just drop the issue. I won't change my mind

\- But-

\- Ellie - interrupted Abby - just don't

\- So that's it, I won't ever see you after this? - said Ellie

A fear crept in her belly, a loss so big she felt she was going to cry right there in front of Abby. It was absurd but she could not bear the thought of never seeing Abby, of never talking to her anymore, of never being around her. Ellie anxiously waited for Abby's reply. Abby just looked to the side, sighed and seemed to think about this.

\- Where did you say your farm is? 

Relief washed over Ellie and she took the map again and showed to Abby where it was. 

\- If I promise we'll visit one day, will you drop this?

\- It's better than nothing - conceded Ellie

\- Well, so I promise one day we'll visit you

Ellie smiled satisfied. If this was the best she could get, she would take it.

\- I would like that - said Ellie

\- Good… - said Abby then she looked at the guitar in Ellie's bed - you know, despite what I said... all that doesn't mean I don't want to listen to you

\- Ok

\- If you want to play I mean

\- If it truly doesn't bother you

\- It doesn't

\- Even if it's a work in progress?

Abby smiled and this time her smile had no hint of sadness.

\- So… you write your own songs too?

Ellie felt herself blush again and somehow found that talking was difficult so she nodded instead. Abby's smile widened

\- I would love to witness the process. I promise not to laugh

Ellie swallowed and smiled a bit after that. Although the nervousness and heavy feelings were gone after that, Ellie realized the tension between them was different now. She couldn't quite put her finger on what exactly it was but from that day onward there would be times when Abby and her would just look at each other for longer than normal and Ellie would feel an ache in her heart that she just couldn't understand. However, they managed to have fun together again. She tried to focus on enjoying whatever time she had left but in those moments when they would just stare at each other it was really hard to just enjoy her company. Some part of her wanted more and Ellie was not sure what that meant.

Eventually, they arrived in Canada, then they immediately left for Jackson. Ayulia had said they didn't know who Ellie was and that she didn't plan on telling them. It was true that during the time she was in her glass cell, no one had visited her except Abby and Lev, so these Canadians had never seen her and did not know she was the immune person. However, they didn't want to take chances anyway so they preferred not to remain there, just in case Ayulia changed her mind.

It had been a year and a half and Ellie could not believe her eyes. Her home was there, Jackson! She sighed in delight and looked at Abby and Lev and felt slightly sad. She had not managed to convince them and they had decided they would go back to Quebec. Ayulia told them that Ellie’s samples and the research were going to be distributed as far as Sonia and Lucia could make them, because it turned out they were indeed trying to get as many people working on a vaccine and the larger the group of people working on it the better chances they had. The camp in Quebec over there was big and the doctors believed that they could make their own vaccine. Abby had made several copies of the papers doctor Lucia gave her and kept them with her in case she saw other doctors to whom she could give these notes. On their trips they had encountered other Fireflies, some that did not know who Abby, Lev or Ellie were. Abby had gone to them alone, had lied about her name and she had given to them the samples and the notes and briefly told them it was from the group in Mexico. When these people asked them where they were she was headed to she lied and said Denver. Then Abby, Lev and Ellie made sure they lost track of these guys and left them. 

Lev and Abby had made peace with the idea of moving to Canada but Ellie felt bad she could not convince them that the choice to live with her in Jackson was the better option for all. She also felt sorry that she couldn’t make people forgive Abby and Lev, and that they would not be received happily when they had gone through so much to bring her back home. Ellie believed they deserved to be received like heroes but knew that was not going to happen, especially since the vaccine was still being developed and so basically she had returned empty handed. At least she was in one piece this time. She had talked about going back to her farm and told them that maybe in the future they should visit her there. Abby did not seem at all convinced but Ellie still explained to them where it was anyway. After that Ellie had to say goodbye to them and go back to Jackson alone.

\- Well, I guess that is it then - she said, slightly sad again - this is odd but I think I will miss you two

\- I will miss you too - said Lev honestly

\- I won’t miss your stupid jokes - said Abby, desperate to lighten the mood, it seemed

\- Excuse me, mine are far better than yours and I least I have a sense of humor - joked Ellie

\- Sure you do - said Abby crossing her arms. 

They were massive but Ellie liked them now. She wondered briefly if she could miss Abby hugging her with them. She had so seldom done that. Who would have thought? The sight of Abby would now bring such different feelings to Ellie than what she had felt before all this happened.

  * Well, I can’t say how thankful I am, I just - words were failing her so she went to hug them both. 



Again Abby seemed reluctant to react but then she caressed Ellie’s back and somehow that felt so good it made her shiver. Then Ellie broke the hug, looked at them, waved and then left. 

_ Go back _ , the thought came all of a sudden when she was already several steps down the hill,  _ convince them to come with you, go back! _ . 

Ellie turned and looked up at them. She had no new ideas, no new reasons, no new arguments why they should come with her but why did she feel she should convince them? Her heart was beating faster than normal and she just wished she knew what to say to make them come with her. They had already discussed it many times and every time the result was the same and Ellie had to give in in the end. She felt it was painful to let them go but however much she thought about it nothing came to her mind. They would probably get shot in sight. Abby mentioned in particular that would be the case with Tommy, she had told Ellie how deadly his aim was and how he had killed Manny. Ellie had argued he was not the same but Abby had remained unconvinced. It was not a good idea, they had to go now, go somewhere else. So instead of trying to convince them with the same wasted words she just waved at them once more and they waved back. 

_ Convince them! _ , the thought came back. Ellie swallowed. 

\- Come with me - she begged

Her voice was too low and Abby and Lev stared at her with confused looks.

\- Come with me! - Ellie said, louder this time

Abby sighed and shook her head.

\- You know we can’t - said Abby sounding tired

\- I’m sorry Ellie, you will have to go back alone - said Lev

\- I will vouch for you, I will make them understand - insisted Ellie

\- We can’t go with you, Ellie, we have talked about this - said Abby, exhausted

Ellie remained there and hated that she had nothing new to say. Wanted so much to be able to just say something that would make things different. She just bit her lips and sighed, frustrated with her own self and the whole situation. Without thinking she went back to them fast and hugged them both once more. She hugged them as strong as she could and said nothing. This time Abby hugged her strongly too. Then Ellie turned and went back to Jackson. She had held her tears as best as she could and only released them when she knew they could not see her. Bittersweet feelings overcame her, she should be ecstatic but she felt she was leaving something important behind. But Ellie continued and the nearer she got to Jackson the happier she felt and she tried to convince herself that parting ways with Lev and Abby was the right thing to do.

She was received with joy and surprise, they had all thought she was dead. Maria looked at her as if she was a ghost. She just held her and touched her face. Ellie asked about Dina and JJ and Maria herself decided to take her to Dina's home. Maria told her she would want a full report of what the actual fuck happened in two days or so. 

Maria knocked on the door and when JJ opened the door he screamed of happiness at seeing Ellie. He just jumped to her arms and cried. Ellie hugged JJ and could not believe she was finally hugging her son after such a long time. Then Dina came to see what the noise was all about and she just dropped the microphone she had been working on and ran to Ellie. When Ellie saw her it seemed time stopped. Damb, she was the most beautiful sight ever made in this world. Ellie cried when Dina hugged her and then pulled back and kissed her. When Dina kissed her she felt that everything she had gone through was in another life, this moment alone was her life and her happiness summarised. It was all she needed. Dina kissed and they hugged for so long JJ started complaining. They both hugged him and she went to their home. Maria waved goodbye and left.

\- I can't believe you are here - said Dina touching Ellie’s face

\- I can't believe I'm finally seeing you, touching you, it's just unreal, you have no idea how many letters I wrote to you

\- Really?

\- Yes, everyday

\- I want to read them later, now let's feed you

\- Yes, please - said Ellie smiling

Ellie and JJ played the entire day and he spoke without end about what he had done all that time and Ellie listened happily while Dina and her laughed. After JJ went to sleep Ellie told Dina everything that had happened with as much detail as she could. Dina was particularly interested in the story of the sex dungeon. That discussion lead to the most explosive sex they had had in some time since they had been back together. They started imagining putting the mirrors at their room in the farm and what they could see. Their ideas and imagination alone made Ellie start to feel wet and she started kissing Dina. At the beginning it was just a simple kiss but then her hunger caught up to her and she lost herself in Dina’s lips and scent. She wanted to consume her, lick her, kiss her, swallow her whole. She had missed her so much, every fucking day she had been apart Dina had been in her mind and she just wanted all of her right there and then. And Dina yielded to the kiss but she also seemed consumed by a similar hunger and so Dina straddled her and slowly, painfully slowly she removed her clothes and then helped Ellie remove hers. As she uncovered herself Ellie kissed her everywhere, her lips, her ears, her neck, her shoulders, her nipples, her arms, even her fingers, every part of Dina received Ellie’s attention but the more she kissed the more she wanted from her. So she pushed Dina down and took her pants and her underwear at the same time and then kissed Dina’s belly. Ellie went down on her, licking, kissing and sucking until Dina was screaming with pleasure. She made her come once, then twice then five times or even more, fucking her with her fingers and tongue, unable and unwilling to stop. But Dina had other plans and then she flipped them until it was Dina the one on top, now ravenous with lust, and she fingered Ellie while she kissed her, making her squirm, pant, moan and cry from pleasure as she peaked so many times she just did not care to count. Ellie lost sense of time and space, the world reduced to Dina, the feel of her, her mouth on Ellie’s, Ellie's mouth everywhere, their bodies and hands, there was nothing in this whole universe but Dina and her. They fucked until it was morning and only stopped because someone knocked at their doors. Before dressing up and trying to look decent they stole kisses and laughed, they just were incapable of stopping, their hunger for each other was insatiable. They were both exhausted but neither regretted anything. JJ was looking at them suspiciously but did not comment. They tried to remember to be less loud the following night. 

That afternoon Robin came to visit and celebrate that Ellie came, then he had the great idea to invite JJ to sleep over at his place that night. Dina and Ellie thanked him although JJ was not so convinced, he wanted to play more with mama Ellie. So they did that until it was night and then JJ was happy to go with grandpa Robin. The second they closed the door and left Ellie and Dina were all over each other again and ended up fucking right there in the living room, then in the kitchen and then everywhere they could. With every kiss, Ellie tried to express how much she had missed her and felt that Dina understood and attempted to do the same. Ellie felt Dina's need and urgency perfectly matched hers and was glad that Dina had not only waited for her but that she still loved her. All was fine again now that she was back in Dina’s arms. Ellie was happy, incredibly so but somehow she still felt she missed something important.

After that Ellie showed her the documents Abby had copied and they brainstormed that night on what to tell Maria. In the end they decided to tell her the whole truth. Maria was shocked but understood why they did what they did and said they needed to think of a way to tell this information to the rest but without mentioning the source of all, that was Ellie. So they told the rest that Ellie had been kidnapped and taken and sold to the group far south and in there she had met the doctors who were making the cure and that with the help of other people she managed to escape. Ellie decided it was best to let the people at Jackson know that the ones who helped her were Abby and Lev. Many did not take that kindly and had a hard time believing that that woman had any good bone in her body but others said in this strange life sometimes you make do with whoever can give you a hand.

Tommy was obviously upset that Ellie did not take the chance to kill her but Ellie said that without Abby she would not have made it back. Ellie knew that he would need a lot more sessions with Raquel to be able to forgive Abby and let that go but she hoped one day he would be able to do that. 

After a couple of months they had all ready and moved back to their farm. They agreed they would take JJ from time to time so that he could see his classmates but they would try to mostly teach him from home and reinforce with the teachers at Jackson when needed. 

Dina showed her all her notes and Ellie did the same, she showed her drawings too and talked about the plans for the future. Ellie and Dina were finally back at their farm, their heavy loads and pasts behind them and new plans ahead. Ellie promised Dina she would never leave now, there was no reason to and although she had all the reason in the world not to, it seemed Dina believed her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that is it for this part! If you are into tragic love that can’t be, you can leave this story at this point. However if you are not and want to see Ellie and Abby kissing and more you can check later this week or next week. There will be a second part that is almost all done so if someone is interested you can check it. The other part won’t have fights or so, it will be more about relationships (Abby/Ellie/Dina) so you are warned.  
> I want to thank absolutely everyone who read and commented. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I also want to thank the artists who inspired me: Pomme, Poets of the fall, Cannons, Billie Eilish, Hayley Kiyoko, among others. I also want to thank all the Abby, Ellie and Dina fans out there who keep making lovely art about them and sharing their thoughts about these characters.  
> Anyway, take care and thanks again.
> 
> OBS: Here is a sneak peak, a comic I made about chapter 3 or so of part 2 https://merrique-bathory.tumblr.com/post/639400022994206720/a-glimpse-for-part-2

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are very welcomed!


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